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Anonymous Freak Feb 2020
I used to walk
Down the street
With a smile on my face,
When I was young,
And foolish.
When the world
Felt safe.
  Feb 2020 Anonymous Freak
Mims
Maybe
At the beginning of the end
Of a slew
Of bad dreams
And night terrors
I will discover
The darkest caverns
Where you learned you could hold her hands to silence her
Where did you learn you could hold her hands to silence her
WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO HOLD HER HANDS TO SILENCE HER
In the middle of a conversation, she was animated, she was young, and she would talk as much with her hands as her mouth
WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO HOLD HER HANDS TO SILENCE HER
WHERE
DID YOU LEARN
WHERE
DID YOU SEE
DID YOU WATCH IT OVER AND OVER
ON A SCREEN OF *******
AND THEN TRY IT OUT FOR YOURSELF

IF YOU HOLD HER HANDS SHE WILL GO QUIET  
AND
WHITE LIKE A SHEET
Was it behind closed doors
Was it upstairs in the crevice of a horror story


IF YOU HOLD HER HANDS YOU WILL SILENCE HER
BUT
WHERE DID YOU LEARN
That
WHERE DID YOU SEE
That
how could you know?
You showed us all
Like you had practiced
In the middle of a conversation
You would grab her wrists
And she would look back
Mouth sewed shut with a rusty needle
Covered in blood
  
That’s why I believed her
I mean god, how could anyone not believe her
When she said
You’d stolen her voice
I saw it
I watched it
Different context
But the action
Haunts me
The truth is
When my sister and her boyfriend broke up,
I was waiting for her to tell me.
Aggressive, young
Anonymous Freak Feb 2020
“What if
I go back to who
I was?
What if I’m not as good..?”

You walked in on
The worst moment
Of my life,
While I was lying on a kitchen floor,
With all the pills in the house
Sitting on the counter,
Ready to be taken.
And you chose to walk the path
That led to loving me
Anyway.

If you
Need to be sad,
Or less than yourself
For a while...
If you lose your patience
And need help finding it.
If you get angry,
Or hurt...

I may push you
To be better again,
Just like you’ve pushed me.
But I won’t stop loving you.

I’m not in love
With the perfect version
Of you,
I’m in love with you,
And you have flaws,
And rough days,
Or weeks
Even years.
But I’m here
For the long haul.

As long as
You
Want me,
As long as you love me
More than you love
Your dysfunction,
I will love you too.
Anonymous Freak Feb 2020
His mouth opens slightly
Releasing smoke
From the big cigar
To float away
Silhouetted by the small town lights.
Windows rolled down
We shiver against the winter air
Blasting into the car,
Puffing cigars
And holding hands.
From series Phone Files
  Feb 2020 Anonymous Freak
Mims
Your hands
Feel nothing like his hands
And it scares me
Your eyes
Look nothing like his eyes
But somehow that excites me
Everything about you is
Unfamiliar and new
You are dark where he was light
Your skin is caramel
And your hair comprised of tiny tight curls
That I just want to tug on softly all day
Unravel you
You have no strong opinions
About anything
Relaxed, laid back,
You make me laugh so hard it makes me a bad driver
And you hold the dashboard dramatically
You didn’t say anything as I drove miles under the speed limit on our way back to your house
Only us on the road anyways
And I wanted it to just be us for
A little longer
A former lover no longer lingers in our conversations
They are only ours
And you are different
And yet we are so good together
And yet

And yet

Any moment
A glance
Or a cologne
Or a break in our shared laughter
And the ghosts
Of our past loves
Settle between our knees
Not touching but so close
Keeping me away from you
And you away from me.
Right person maybe, wrong time.
Anonymous Freak Feb 2020
My coffee got cold
as I sat and took
a big scary test,
that I passed all of,
except for the portion I failed.

I sipped the cold sweet latte
for comfort,
and the room temperature
liquid
washed over me.

It was snowing,
and the wet icy flakes
stung my face as I walked
to my favorite used clothing store.

I walked out again
with a luxurious pair
of twelve dollar jeans,
and a few shirts.
I splurged thirty-five
painful
dollars.

My now boyfriend
saw my ex boyfriend
walking the grounds of his college,
a rude text massage
and I knew he was there to stay.

Confirmation of my failed math test
echoed in my ears
as I talked to a very nice lady
on the phone.

Only a few minutes later
and the words of my mother
sound in my ears
telling me she made a mistake
again,
and I have to figure out
an insurance plan
on my own,
and she doesn't know how to advise me
either.

I cried into my salad
that I'm only eating
because
I hate my body,
and I feel like no one
can love me with it.

Cold coffee,
failed tests,
no money,
clothing that should be cheap
and was too expensive for me.
Worry
in every much needed expense.
Hunger in my belly
and hoping it will shrink.

It's just been a bad day.
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