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I twiddled my thumbs and held my breath
As I waited for your sweet voice to call my name.
I ached for your warmth just being there, laying there, sitting there.
I listened to music you loved hoping the melodies
would connect our souls.
I smoked to see if the fumes would sway for me
The way they swayed for you.
Your silence was deafening
It burned holes in my conscience
I filled it with messages and songs you left me with.
The pain you left me with.
                        
                                              -Melanie Munoz
AnActualToaster May 2023
I wonder if I've actually learned
Or if I'm worth the things I've done
I wonder if I should keep trying.
If I should just keep trying.
Or maybe I should just quit
I'm not good enough anyway,
I know
I'll never be good enough.
But my options are little.
And so I give it my all.
And I study and I think and I think and I study
And why
Why do I always have to try
So much harder..
  Dec 2018 AnActualToaster
Atlas
How do I convince you to love me?
I can make you tea and cookies
Or maybe mac and cheese
I can learn a song for you when you're feeling blue
I can kiss your neck and whisper why I want to be with you
I can wash your sheets and make your room neat
I can make your favorite snack
And if I do these things for you
Will you love me back?
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