Although you aren't a big eater, you snack on several unhealthy foods.
2. Your middle name is Andrew.
3. You thought a 'henna' was pronounced 'hyena'.
4. Watermelon flavored gum is your favorite.
5. You are 5,8"
6. You always come to my home games, even when you miss a few important plays.
7. You're #5 usually, but you are  #10 when you wear the maroon jerseys.
8. You know the lyrics to my favorite Taylor Swift song.
9. You are a huge fan of the Jags.
10. When you were 8 years old, your family forgot you to your own birthday dinner.
11. You notice different things I do with my eyeliner.
12. You draw stupid things in Spanish class.
13. Your favorite place to eat is Rib City.
14. You don't ever mind buying me smoothies.
15. You always put your hand on my thigh when we watch scary movies.
16. You remember it was a Friday in which you asked me out.
17. Although you own several t-shirts, you don't own any Florida Gator hoodies.
18. But you call yourself a fan.
19. You weren't impressed with Mockingjay Pt. 1.
20. I cannot stop thinking about you, especially on Saturday nights when I am not with you.
21. We have the same scar on our left hands and our ring fingers.
22. You take pictures of me when I'm not looking, but you delete them when I ask you to.
23. You have never told me I'm stupid, even when I am.
24. You don't like the beach.
25. You always wait for me at the end of class so we can walk together.
26. You remember what color shoes I wear on important days.
27. You don't get mad at me when I miss important parts of your game, as long as I am there.
28. You give me more hugs from behind than you do regular hugs.
29. Kisses on the cheek make you smile.
30. No one has ever been on my mind more than you.

It is so incredibly difficult to come to the conclusion that it has only been four months since I have met you. After several days of trying to find words and knit them together into a poem was a struggle for me, so here I am, writing you a letter. I would also like to apologize in advance for the sloppiness and disorganization you will find in these next few words. I know I have said this several times, to you and to myself, but I will continue to say this until the day I fall. But you, you mean so much to me. And this love doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt to be with you. It doesn't hurt to think about you, because I know that you are mine. And I am so blessed to be able to see your smile everyday and see your smile at night when we drink strawberry shakes and as I steal your fries. I don't care what time is it. I don't care if I should go to bed, because you will be on my mind either way, awake or asleep. And I don't care what this world thinks. I don't care simply because the only thing I can even think about is you. It's you. It's you that I want to continue to hold hands with and take pictures with and laugh with. I don't want you to let me go when we watch scary movies and I want you to continue kissing my forehead when we lie down beside one another. I don't ever want to stop stealing your french fries and I don't want to stop catching you take sips from my strawberry shake. I just want you to stay with me. Please don't leave me. Stay. You are already stuck on my mind and running through my veins and I don't ever want to lose you.

I don't know how many times I have tried writing you a letter to explain how much I adore you.
But after two hours of just writing, I have realized not a single word can be placed in my mouth to describe my admiration for you.
I do adore you. I really do.
And I wish you were here right now, so I wouldn't have to worry about finding words to describe the joy you have placed in my heart.
And I wish you could place your hand right above my chest and feel my heart beat when the thought of you crosses my mind.
I do adore you, but you cause me so much pain.
I crave the feeling of your hand in mine.
And if I only had one memory for the rest of my life, I would want it to be of your smile, because nothing makes me happier.
I want you to stay.
I want to kiss your cheek.
I want to wrap my arms around you.
And as much as I do adore you, all I want is for you to adore me too.

here i am thinking of you
when the song comes on.
but the thought that you might be
thinking of someone else
when you listen to the song,
has now become one of my
                                                                         *   greatest fears.

dear daddy,

                         i know you wont see this, but i want to let you know all that i'm feeling while you are gone. i feel happy. much happier than i used to. i don't feel as insecure. i have always wanted to be as confident as you were and now confidence plays one of the largest roles in my heart. when you stopped seeing me, i grew depressed. i couldn't sleep, i wrote several journal entries, and i scratched up my wrists and thighs. i got better and then i looked at my weight. i would go a few days without eating. i drank loads of water to fill me up rather than eating food. i once again, wrote journal entries keeping fasting records and tips on how to lose weight. however i did get better. i saw you a little afterwards with you and you and your girlfriend. i heard you two have had some problems; abusive problems. i pray every night that you two will work things out. when i saw you, you handed me laxatives and i couldn't tell by the look in your face whether you were kidding, so i took them into my hands, but threw them out immediately. i made a promise to myself that i wouldn't become so insecure about my weight like i used to. now that i have come face-to-face with my flaws and insecurities, the obscurity in my life has seemed to almost completely vanish. i am happy now. i am writing poems now that make me feel beautiful. i am taking pictures now. i am listening to different music now. i am playing basketball now. i am wearing long socks now.  i am wearing crop tops now. i am more social now. i can finally smile now and although you are starting to forget about me, i am much stronger now.

                                                           ­                                          much love,
                                                           ­                                       your daughter

this week,
i didnt eat
a single thing for three days

so i could feel
beautiful.

so i could feel
thin.