You want to replace me?
fine
I can replace you too
Just watch

Hello, you
I guess you're new
Because anyone with any sense
Would know that crossing me doesn't last

I've dealt with plenty of *******
You're not new and niether are your words.
Eliminating you is easier than drinking water.
Doesn't cost much and takes little time.

Surprised? Well, your grand mistake,
Your extremely stupid move,
Was trying to cross a girl like me
Who has absolutely nothing to lose.

Not for a while, anyway.

I don't blame you
niether do I blame them
I don't blame history
though they are a scandalous
trend
I don't blame friends
niether I my family
but sometimes
my finger keeps poking on the enemy
I don't blame my job
cause my man yelps after I draw out his honey
I don't blame the government
for conspiracy theory and force of democrocy
But I can't seem to understand the not knowing of the ****** of Pac and Biggie

o_O

I don't blame God but I guess I am in total shame of denile
Politics are an excuse for judgement on oneself when all we need to do is get up off our donkey ***** and get a job.

© S.T. Rebel of Eden

I'm a freak.
I don't fit in.
I don't have friends.
I have nightmares.
I write bad poetry that
no one reads.
The scars on my legs spell
"I'm still here."
I don't know who the scars
are talking about.
I get beat up
at school
at home.
I get bad grades because
I don't care.
I can't use public bathrooms
because people can't tell
if I'm a boy
or a girl.
Same with lockerrooms.
I don't talk to people.
I read to escape.
You can find me behind
the stairs at school.
The teachers don't see me.
Niether do my parents.
I wish the kids didn't see me.
I forgot how to be happy.
I'm trying.
Nice to meet you,
I'm Max.

a warrior poet
Reflecting upon thyself
In bed alone visited by someone else
Golden in color niether man nor woman
I was not afraid
With a wave of its hand
Two of me divided and I was transported
To another place
Where all were lost
Lustfull, afflicted; some even possessed
My heart was heavy with echoes
Hopeless is this!
A thunder of words interrupted my doubt
"Yet the worst of these is laughter"
A jester rose from the stone ground
His teeth brilliant white fangs
He whispers to cops and gangs
Judges and jury.
And they scoffed the weak.
Meaning to them was bleak.
Because its power we all seek.
Artform is identified.
And innocence is part of mine.
But also destruction,
Of that jokers function.
The devil is my foe.
And I will not be laid low.
Again. Together;
We win.
                   He won. he lost. We win.

Leave Me Alone,
I Don't Want To Play,
My Eyes Are Hard As Stone,
Because There So Many Things I Want To Say....

Dear S1
You Can Say It's All My Fault,
Which It Mostly Is,
But I'm Not The Only One To Blame,
Why Do You Look At My Crying Face,
And Look Away,
Looking For The One Who Made My Tears,
Fall Across My Face,
To Take Them Home,
To Drive Away,
But Drop Her Off Again,
To See Me The Next Day,
I Know,
You Love Both More Than Anything In The World,
But Let Me Tell You,
She Is No Perfect Girl,
You Digest Her Lies So Fast,
It's Like You Haven't Eaten For Days,
Just All Of You Leave Me Alone,
And I'll Be On My Way...

Dear S2
You Are Foul,
Wicked,
Twisted,
Stop Popping Into My Brain,
Stop Lingering In My Thoughts,
You've Already Caused Me Enough Pain,
I Hate You,
Because You Hate Me,
I Know Hate Is Indecent,
But I'm Slowly Embracing It,
Because You,
Are The Definition Of Evil....
Stop Prancing In My Dreams,
Stop Tresspassing In My Soul,
I Am Still Really Broken,
I Hope You Know,
But All I'm Asking You,
Is To Leave Me Alone

Dear S3
I Love Your Initals,
That Should Be Your Name,
Because That's All You Ever Say,
Your Real Name Is Poison,
Which Sits Upon My Tounge,
Honestly You Make Me Feel Degraded...
You Make Me Feel Unwanted,
The Way You Can Manipulate People,
Is A Real Gift,
Congradulations,
Well You Still Have The Upper Hand,
I Really Hope Someday,
You Can Just Leave Me Alone

*Am I Really The Only Thing You Have To Talk About? Am I Really Worth All Your Time? Maybe I'm Over Reacting, But I'm Sick Of You And This Is Why... I Might Not Be Perfect, But Niether Are You, So Stop Acting Like It, Your Words Are Making Me Blue, At First I Didn't Really Care, But Now I Do, And This Is What I Want To Say, Leave Me Alone And ***** You

The bus roars on
With blinding speed
Sparing nothing behind
Crushing each object on its way
To where it goes?
No one knows.
Passengers sit
Going along
Towards futility
Pockets heavy
Like never again
Expressions dead
Like never before
In a trance
They were not so always
When kids,
They'd never known of the bus
Till while growing up they heard about it
And till it finally made
That perilous halt
Right at their doorstep!
Yet they wanted to keep away
But were stealthily enticed
Led!
Forced!
Pushed into!
Driven!
Inside the bus....
On the bandwagon
And once inside
The noise and shine
All shut their eyes
And blinded their eyes
Froze their brains
And now
They became one of them..
Them travellers...
All in vain to be...
If only I'd stayed behind
away from all this show
I'd have had so much more!
Who wants the comfort of these seats
Or the delicacies they serve here
Niether the coins of gold and silver
They keep stuffing in our pockets
Making them heavy
So I can't get up
And run out
And I guess
No matter how much i wish otherwise
I have to stay
So that each time I pass my house
I can throw all coins I've collected
And yet
Each time my pockets feels light
I wish to go out
But!
More coins
Bigger and shinier
Would be stuffed in
And the weight
Would anchor me down
Ah!Life!
I miss all of it!
All of what is out there
I can see
See... but do nothing
I look around in the bus
Eyes with fulfilled hollowness
Yearnings
Wants
And underlying concealed longings
So devoid of joy
Or any emotion
Blinded by ever increasing ambitions
Yet decorated
With memories
That slowly drain away
Desires....
When did they last sit with friends
On a careless bench in the park
Laughing.
Talking.
Mocking.
Enjoying.
Living!
When did they last stop
To feel the air all cool and comforting
Dance around them?
When did they last feel
The joy of the innocent raindrops
Hearing it pitter patter on their umbrellas
See it skip in the water
And then feel it dissolve in their skin.
When last did they sit with their mothers
And cried their hearts out?
Or just talk with her
Thank her
And tell her how much they love her
When did they last spare moments
To forget all world
And get lost in old photographs
Remains of the past
Of time that was the sweetest
And that which never again would be.
When last did Anton who sits all faded at the back
Paint with his beloved brushes
Coloured the canvas
Coloured his world
When did Raghav
Who now lies beside me like a lifeless carcass
Last flirt with his romantic guitar
Wearing music
That made him look so full of life
Their fingers are all decayed
Stiffened
Under the load of crude machines
When did that old man
Last hug his son
And kissed his daughter
What was the last time when
That woman danced
To her favourite songs
Not at a party
Not for concerts
But for herself
To give her that joy
And the sheer euphoric high
Oh!
We have missed out so much!
Stray walks in the parks
On cold grass
Thousands of sunrises and thousands of sunsets
Gazing at the ever changing clouds
Dancing with the winds
Talking to friends
And family
Who are real and not just some animated strangers
Who appear each night for an hour
And then ravish
We have missed out on those walks in the sends
Barefoot
Just staring at the opera of water with ripples and wares
Admiring the night sky
Watching those many birds
Fly high
Carefree
Unbound
We have missed out on those unbeatable flavours
That mothers conjure.
Those rides on the bikes,
Away from worries.
Those strolls with the beloved.
Those heartiest of laughs with siblings.
Those cleverest of pranks.
Those sweetest of quarrels,
The sheer enigma of accompanying silence,
When we sat with ourselves.
Oh! We have missed it all!
Now the world is this bus
Where each one travels
Willingly or otherwise
Passengers keep adding
Once in,
You cannot go out
And the slightest of attempts
Raises so many brows
And all stares are on you
And so you have to let go
Just continue sitting in the bus
Lying there like a prisoner of our own law
And what you get in the end is nothing
Just pass on the legacy
To travellers who come
Keep coming.
I know how much I've missed
I know how much I've lost
Oh! How I'd give anything to get out
Where i could have all that i really want
This world with its ways
Constantly suffocates me
Darkness smuggles around me
My tears are all drained out
My voice lies buried somewhere within
And emotions have long extinguished out
Driving me mad
As each second counts ahead
I see the bus marching gallantly
Destroying all dreams
That are strewn ahead
Some of them are mine
Or were....
And more of them will come
And be destroyed
And can I do just nothing
But sit here hopelessly
Be led
And driven
To empty glory
Away from all that I have?
From all that I steadily lose?
From all that I care for?
From all that I want?
Oh! Enough!
I have had a lot of this ride
Now make way for me
I am done with this confinement
And now I reclaim my life.
Ah! They stare at me again
Raising their brows
Horrid expressions
As if I am wrong!
Who cares what they think!
I am now going back
Some of them want to come with me
But are scared of others
But I have seen a lot!
Take these empty coin of yours, I say
Throwing them all away and rising up
My breath is returning and so is my voice
I'm going back to where I'll be free
And happy!
And be able to live and not just drag on!
And so the bus slows and I shout to the driver
Stop this world!I want to get off!

I smile. I laugh. I frown. I cry.
I do all of these and more.
Some of you can see that and beyond the eye,
An area I still inhale and explore.

Several years ago, I told everyone I had no idea:
Who I am, what I am capable of....
If I follow or not the stereotypical criteria,
Or when I'll fully understand that emotion called love.

To this day, I still have no inkling of it.
I look to those beside, in front, and behind,
And only gain information in the smallest bit by bit,
My eyes water, my smile falls, my heart and lungs grind.

Who am I?
A young African-American woman?
What else do you see in my physical eye?
Asain-American? Caucasian?
Indeed I am all of these and more.
This genetic make-up is my own.
But you probably don't see my pleas:
Will I still not know, even when time is grown?
How much time do I have?

Self-actualization seems so far,
Yet so close now that my line is almost in half.
Is my mentality up to par?
Perhaps all that people know most is my mask,
I'm sure they have all seen, smelt, and touched
That casket that makes breathing such a complex task.

Indeed, it is so easy to gain and manipulate trust,
But don't think i have toyed with it yet,
Or even ever, because I crave that social acceptance.
What human doesn't feel that crave at least once to whet?

Patience. Patience. Patience.
Do I have that for you?
Do I have that for me?
Hah, niether. I have no patience for those two;
But that area is where my mask has wealth.

Forgive me for this length,
And the tears on this middle binding.
I say some know me, lies, you know less than an eighth,
And I just love that caring look in your eyes when we're bonding.

I thought I knew.
I thought, I was sure, I believed it was gone...
I am back with no answers not even a few,
But I can ask questions until dawn.
What more can I say to you?
There really is no reason to frown.

I am the poet, I am the rebel,
I am the student and the slacker,
I am the depressed girl who fell.
I am the cutter, I am the life-taker,
I am the raver and the intellectual,
I am the middle child of three.
I am the dreamer, I am the casual,
I am the fight and the one who flees,
I am all of these and more.

And yet, i still don't know who or what I am.

A waterfall of tears find it's way to my cheeks
Forever engraving its trail to become
A stream.
A wipe of the eye won't turn it dry.

Niether cup or bucket could hold my amount
Of tears. The tears I shed
Keep running endlessly. They gather in a puddle
I'm determined to drown
In my tears....

I search for a shoulder to cry on, to form a river. So I roll myself into a ball and just fall.
I take a breath..

I drown in my tears and my life is gone, my heart no longer has feelings
For it no longer beats

It's only when your alone do we forget what a true pain in the *** people tuely are.
Maybe for some it's just missing waking up next to warm body your face burried deep within her hair.

Others may be something altogather different and for others it is a true friendship far beyond a cheap **** it's the laughter i miss.
Thoose moments I took for granted i guess it's just her I miss.

It was nine years of hell mixed with touches of heaven.
I had tried to erase the memorie with gallons of ***** and cheap flings
Forgettible faces *** can be empty at times and can do more dammage than we know.

The bar that sits only a few paces from her door is still there.
The places all the same yet they seem cold as I am no longer welcome there
Or was it just me and a paranoid refletion.
portsmouth is a strange place indeed where on one side of the street are people sitting outside in the summer sipping cocktails eating overpriced meals.
and right across the street people wait in line at the soup kitchen.

niether group looks towards the other like the old color lines during the times in america we'd all like to forget guilt is a ***** indeed.

Still no matter the problems in this world it always goes back to are own simple lives why you may ask?

Cause we cant solve the worlds problems and thoose who belive they can seem.
to have this habbit of always getting shot.
So here I sit in thumpers the local yuppie bar I used to look at from her window.

the view was a lot better  from her place but the drinks are a lot better here.

Do I miss her?
Yes.
Will I knock on her door tonight and beg her for her love like some desperate love struck fool?
No. I just sit here get drunk talk to some woman and if I'm lucky get laid close my in the mist of passion and pretend it's her.

Maybe I'm a coward but I'm  also a man and we all need that contact even if for only for one night.
If only I could reverse that view maybe then I'd just sit there and remember just what a pain in the *** she was.  

And rememeber why I'm in this goddamed bar to start with.
So I'll drink to her in my seat by the window underneath the neon sign.
And pretend that my life was misery with her so I can stand this crap i'm  living now.

Women are the worst drug you'll ever know.
But ****** there fun and I'll die befor I leave em alone.

Home.
It's more than a word or single place.
Niether building nor house could capture such a definition.
Home.

I've never thought of it or explored the various denotations.
Never have I inquired into the multiple connotations.
Home.

Homesick I've wandered...
So lost... So confused...
Home.

The realization came clear and loud.
It rang out against the bleak road I stood upon.
Home.

It's the feeling of safety, of security.
The idea of warmth and happiness.
Home.

The dweling of love and joy, this place is within and all around.
It radiates brighter than any star.
Home.

I found it once upon a time, this place so rare.
I found it waiting.
Home.

I laid upon clouds and soared through heaven, in that time.
That time I spent in my
Home.

I only experienced that settled "this is right, meant to be" feel-
Once and in that time, my
Home.

Now I'm homeless and alone.
And love, well, it walked out without any mercy on my heart.
Home.

A distant memory...
So far away from this barren, desolate place.
Home.

Where is my home?
Well, that is quite a depressing tale. So in short
Home-

It's you.
Home.

Your warm arms, your sweet smile,
Your bright eyes, your soft touch, your silky voices...
Home.

My heart, my soul, my love all reside in your care.
You.
Home

You are my home.
Home.

I've been homeless and alone because you are my
Home.

A distant memory because you are my
Home.

i love you
with welling emotions that pour over my cup
i dont question these feelings
niether do they waver to another persons

but i question wether it will be returned
this feeling towards you
i also doubt you'll be happy
with the future that's in our presence
i dont know wether we'll die together
or be torn apart by faith
i love you the most

but is it enough to bend worlds

The chaffed red thighs of the streetwalker
And darting yellowed eyes of the nervous talker
Do not meet in this celibate exchange
This strange therapy in a musty room
No thrusting hips or sweaty faces loom
Niether dips down or drips above the other
With weight of body or intent that smothers
No sound of slapping skin
She punches in the clock
Sits, looks, listens
He licks his chewed lips
And in the light they glisten

Two clowns with tremendous feet
stacked upon each other
one a miniature of the other

these clowns have diminutive heads
plump bodies
pieced together

monstrous feet out sizing their legs
pigeon-toed outwards
with a big toe the size of a meatball

both have screaming faces
eyes set atop their heads
without eyebrows- but it's not unnatural

ether floats off the larger clown on the bottom
radiating from the knee and the torso sides
and shoulders

the larger built like a body builder
with massive shoulders
and a v-torso

the diminutive clown has massive ears and
skinny arms facing outwards with hooked fists
on rollerskates

the anger spewing from the larger lower clown
is parodied on the upper's face
they are both men

both squat, human
made of circles
nothing is a straight line in their make-up

niether naked
nor clothed
it doesn't matter

these clowns represent nothing
they simply are; they are in the world
but where, I can not say.

A note slid underneath my door.
How marks on a page can crush the heart worse than
steel breaks the bone.

The oceans tide has come to take me away.
I dove twice as deep.
In laughter apon the first.
In regret of that which I could not grasp.
Glimmers of light lost in the waters depth cast
so far away.

Missed lines the old sometime must think young.
I found  hope on nothing's  promised embrace.
A ring of lies one moment of truth.

Remember  me for times  I can no longer attend.
Troubles untold  sometimes outside is easier than
A insiders view.

The cards werent  right and thoose at the table
knew a jokers laugh was a far off cry.
No words can be spoken in the emptyness
of loss for which there is no return.

A shore apart a heart jaded but always true.
no blame  is to be placed for a road must surely
one day end.

The words read last a souls release.
The tide must always kiss the sea.
A city of emptyness reflects all that is left
inside of me.

Stay  as was my plea.
Crazy how could anyone truley know the madness
that is seldom understood by even me.

Words apon a page ive traded ink for life blood
of my soul.
I left the note  unread.

As spiders cast webs woven of time.
Cold as the peace final rest to torment.
That is the barbwire  within my head.

It was time for a much overdue rest.
A co writter in life is better than apon the page.
Niether is my path no  hope as the clock
points to a dark hour shadows have returned to stay.

Heaven was mine for a moment.
Hell is more my style I  guess.
As in stories and legends im already on my
way.

Voices all speak within there own key.
Torment, addiction and isolation.
Are all thats left of me.

"Do you guys have a thing?"
no
at least not what you mean by that
but yes
we do
have a thing
called friendship

"Did you guys have a thing?"
did you think
now that I moved away
my answer would change
niether of us
ever wanted anymore
than our thing
called friendship

"Don't you miss your thing?"
I do
miss our thing
called friendship

They said curiosity was the urge of the generation
I for myself, can hardly beg to differ
It was Friday
Austin was moist
there were raindrops all over my tyres
I drove on in an enchanting madness
I was alone there when I got there.
There were some of you
whom I thought I knew
but I actually didn't.

I felt amongst friends
Then the familiarity of some emotions
struck me
those emotions, that once and for all,
is beyond race, ethnicity and national origin.
You were mesmerized, but
people from your country are supposedly known
for nonchalance and indifference.
He had something for you
But niether did you know
nor did I
what would be true
if I were him.

Could we go back to the shades of the past
Could we disappear in black and in white
so that you would look beautiful
and I your gaunt lover.

I came back after pausing a moment to wonder.
You and him, tap danced away.
It was exhilirating for me
to watch all the excitement
and yet surprisingly not being a part of it
always forgotten
always uninvited.

But then I was invited somewhere
I became the face of the crowd
But then you called.

The rain didn't stop .
It poured and poured.
We chatted, briefly.
You became silent on the other end of the phone.
I waited on this end.

The rain kept pouring and pouring.
A thunder rolled.
I kept waiting for Saturday morning.
I watched the rain from pools,
streams, rivers of connected waters
washing away everything
from the window of my room
a window that I seldom open.

Saturday came unknowingly.
The rain had stopped.
It had left its scent.
I watched the branches of moss laden trees
and wondered.
A cold wind blew towards me.

© Nothing Personal. Feb 18 2012.

I was a good kid
I Kept tighty
I snitched on the wrongs people did
Until everyone hated me for it
Snitches get stitches
For the longest time i didn't listen
Until people started to ignore me because of it
Until i lost friends because of it
Until i was told i was stupid because of it
No one wanted to talk to me cause of it
Tragic
A little girl in 3rd grade being told she's worthless
Because she didn't think you where suppose to write on the board when the teacher wasnt in the room
Because she didn't think cursing was allowed at her private school
Yes i went to private school
Plaid skirt and all
It was as if from 7 to 3 i was there Barbie doll
Dress me up
Skirt and all
Then tell me what to say
The lies you make me say decayed my teath away
The secretes tucked inside of me made me feel afraid
In the 4th grade i was scared of my reflection
In the 5th grade i began to show all they said i was and
Wasn't ready for that
Speaking of the 5th grade i went to public school
Suprise
Barbie got put from maximum security
To a weaker division
Security wasnt as tight
So the other kids wkrds didn't lessen
Bullying went from this hobby to thier full time expression
Until some people promised they liked me
Told me to touch other people
And let other people touch me
Until i was something
And i kept quite
Because snitches got snitches
They started fat jokes in the 6th grade
Poking at my stomache
Metaphorically Writing fatty at my grave
And at this time i want exactly sane
So to stay friends
They said
I had to get skinny
And the best at they did that was to stop eating
Give them my food and i get nothing
With My stomach fat i could survive years on empty
With my stomach fat i was the reason africa went hungry
The best way to stop world hunger
They said
Was to **** me
So i stopped eating
And like every other mental disorder it grew into an obsession
Ana was its nane
And it was like a growing infection
Ana is more than a disease
Its a professional temptress
Baby let me see your porcelain bones
breath in until your lungs explode
Feel more than you can control
and let me take over
I let get take over
But my parents couldn't know
The lies dripped out of my mouth
Like how the snow escapes the cloud
I got lost in a blizzard
Lies and ana and lies and ana
Who needed friends when i had depression
Who needed friends when i was headed towards perfection
Reapeated that i was happy till i believed it
Than she came along
Told me that real friends didn't hurt you like that
And that i was already perfect
That i life was worth living
And that i could escape depression
Promised she wouldnt leave me
Promised she wouldn't hurt me
I wasnt the only one with a lieing problem
You see we where both unstable
Dragging eachother down
So niether of us are alone
Dieing together was better than living apart
Until are decided she wanted better
Like she was drowing and i was an anchor tied to her
She cut me lose
So she could get to the surface
And i sank lower than ever before
Her exact words where i just can't bring myself to care anymore
The worst part is
I thought it was my fault
That i did something to make everyone hate me
That i was a problem in this world
And I just had to realize it
All she said was lies she recanted once she found out who i really was
She hurt me
Than called me the liar
So this is where i am now
Sinking
Trying to teach myself how to swim
Alone
I can't lie my way through this one
And ana cant give me oxygen
Im trying to get over it
But im lost in this blizzard
And i can't find my way home

Now that you've decided to start this year like every other day of it.
You've realized treating every year like a dead line's
a good way of procrastinating your own existence.
A deadlines the point in time at which something becomes meaningless.
Catching yourself on fire,
you realized this is a decent hobby for those with skin.

Imagine you'd said, if they made houses out of skin,
I though of you.

Not one for metaphors
I'm relying on you to literally be a deadline.

This bed gave birth to you.
You're a nightmare,
This bed's the side of my face I'm fine with not coming out of for weeks.

7 days later is a week
not that anyone's counting
but I've won.

If you'd like, we'll do literally nothing forever
and just how long till I get to become that void I'm staring at?
Soon, you'll say,
or maybe you won't, either way I'm ready to believe you.

Right now you're happy about lying about being happier alone.
Soon you'll be alone, happy about lying about being happier.

Asking what you'd do with three wishes you said
"her" twice, pointing at only one person, said
"die" once, explaining how to fit the worlds ******* supply into a single room.

After reading three books by Kafka
you realized knowing what Kafkaesque means is overrated.

You once smiled at the sun like it was proud of your teeth.
Now your mouths mostly full of rain,
and you really are proud of your teeth.

My hearts beating like its blowing at a small ember in your hands.

I'm the kind who answers "What time is it?"
by turning into a clock
You're the kind to answer " It's all a construct"
before peeling yourself in public like a cold grape.

Soon we'll both perfect being bowls
full of what couldn't be scraped off us.
For now that blank book I wrote " Notes On Futility"
should be enough to sustain you.
I only hope its looking at the blank pages
that turns you blind
not the way you lick your fingers to turn them.

A falasy, I'm ready for anything.
A fact, niether are you.
A song, drag a small corpse, across your lawn
there'll be neighbors, cutting grass
and a sprinkler'll hit you, and your, cold handful.
An ice cream truck plays, and it's, warm out.
Somewhere some child cries, that hes, missed out.
His parents promise, to take him, to the store.

A Concept, me in the dirt
the warmth of the sun radiates through the loose earth
I smell only beautiful things.
A rock scratches just where I want it to
and nothing really moves.
There is no longer a need for music.

What's really the cause of its arrival:
"it"'s questions.
"I"'m music.
I'm the part where words are said
that's to say not sung.
The context of my head's no more object than thought.
We'll take a while to talk about it.
Assuming "it", "talk", and "we" are any realer than the words within them.
If not then flesh, now you've eaten.
This is where it becomes convoluted.

uuuuhhhh

Is its own stanza
this "uuuuhhhh"'s in your voice in your head now.
In or outside,
your heads still a part of it strange enough.
Out or inside,
my hands still a part of it strange enough.
strange enough
my hands outside or in "it".
"it"'s been explained.

I want "you" to picture"me" holding a rock to the sun
asking why neither are thirsty.
"you" want "me" to be a rock in a picture of the sun,
"you" don't need to ask to be thirsty,
"i"m niether.

Water and a handful of pennies
makes a mouthful for a moment.
Last nights moment's a *** of coffee in my mouth,
told to self I really was trying to sleep.

How many "you"s in this poem's really "you" "you"'ve asked.
I'll say so much as to know the answer's the sun,
that said that still I'm not sure.
How many "I"'s in this poem's really "I" "I"'ve asked.
You'll see so much as to guess the answers: under pain of death.
That's your words, my head.

Set your things on top of me,
I'm auditioning for the part of a table made from a different table .
I've played the part of the one who built it.
Neither move.
Lines please.

Love has happened, It has been exchanged
This is the place to live and die
These arms; these paths
Where would this trickster go leaving them behind
My heart may be innocent, it may be a rebel
But tell me love; will we be together or not
Changing colours in each lifetime
We blossom the behind the curtains of dreamland
We are travelers on the path of love
We'll meet again as time goes by
The heart calls out when someone falls in love
Say something, my darling
Now there's a pain in my heart
I'll build a house infront of your's, even if it's inadequate
I wish someone would love me even if it's a lie
My Prince Charming with the beautiful steed
So what if the world calls me a Barbarian
You flit from place to place, so my heart calls out "Yahoo"
With stars wrapped around you
G-D I bow to you
Niether thorns or stones can hurt us, no matter what the world does
My partner for life, the Prince of my dreams
This journey is a beautiful one
People will always comment, don't listen to them
All I want is peace to my heart; pray that I get it
Oh heartache; agonies of the heart
I want to show the world, I'm not less than anyone
I have to show you that; that's ny promise
To me you are my moon, sun and stars
My heaven and Hell, and my sky

In years gone passed I have failed to mention
A lovely boy of Blue eyes Dark hair
Deep soul to bare
He is my friend Have I failed to mention
There's no body like him
He is tall and trim with a infectious laugh and shiny grin
He is niether here nor there of where I have been
But he is beautiful to all once you've laid eyes on him
He lives NY but when the moon is blue
You'll see the shadow of a boy I once knew
Now he's a man of special occasions
Like theatrical ones have I failed to mention
He can sing like a bird and charm a bee
Make me feel embrassed when he's looking at me
Someday that man will get married
And I don't know when that will be
All I know is that he is beautiful to me

It's okay,
It's okay because
I'll follow you into the rabbit hole
and eat that cake with you
so that together,
we're bigger than the world.
It's fine,
It's fine because
If you ever slip off the edge
I'll jump straight after you
so niether of us are alone in this world.
It's all better,
It's all better because
Deppressions depths
wont take you alone anymore,
I'll sit through the tears, screaming, blood and pain
just to wait for the day you smile.
It's perfect,
It's perfect because
You are beautiful
you make me feel beautiful
and I'd give up the world,
just to stay with you forever
even if that means
getting lost in Wonderland
Or soaring off the cliff we both love so much.

she had three lovers one an X
long left behind
(she thought)

he

still pursues her

in unwanted ways
with ****** gifts
and vigilance

the second
most recently

discarded

barely acknowledges
her

altho she graced his bed
for over a year
and he cares no more
if he ever did

the last?
and most valued

makes plans for christmas
to be with her
he cares
so much

then makes plans
to be with

others
instead

forgets her birthday
(despite asking some few days before)

"when is it is again?
so i can send you flowers
or a card"
(niether arrived)

three lovers
are
NOT
better than
one

and more

is often

less

7 years
Feels like 7 days
Everything you want to remember
Fades
Everything you want to lose
Stays
Not all memories come back
And niether do days
there were good days and bad days
Time won and time waste
Time slow and time haste
There was love won
And love lost
Sacrifies with and without a cost
Things gained and things lost
But in the most
The world never stops
It stands up
Sits down
Turns around
And then hops
All the clothes that you wore on a special day
Never mattered anyway
The books mattered a lot
Hope gos a long way
Faith even longer
The power that my mother had
Made me even stronger
So don't be mad or have sorrow
If I'm not here tomorrow
Because love made me stronger

confliction is the only line I've ever known to tread upon.

the place where resolution sits ive never found.

I guess its at the end of this not so taught string beneath my feet

and as I look down the at the chasms below the line

secured God knows where,

the scene of my possible death changes.

but the fall is inconsequential.



death happened years ago.

this is a fight for absolution.

only Im too afraid to fall into the often rushing waters below

and too afraid to stop tredding the line

for fear of being swallowed up on hallowed ground.

I am a prisoner of my own love

a consideration long expired.

and in my one young and foolish deed I destroyed myself

and my hopes for a new and fulfilled future.

the emptyness can never be filled.

that part of hell can not be washed from me

and niether can the fool who follows my love

in fallen crumbs,

do anything but **** me further.

such is the nature of my life,

a short burst of hope and large dose of consternation.


I am afraid.

afraid of the end.

when my string runs out,

or is cut,

it is the end

and I must face

the inevitable wrath,

the karmic sin.



and the sadness of it all is that I have passed it all on

to those I have loved the most

before I even knew them

and I have just noticed the twine

wrapped around my neck.

its too tangled a knot to release

and all I can do is keep it loosened

oh if only I knew what I would be

running from and where I was running to

and the significance of the string.

I would have chosen so differently

now I choose nothing whole heartedly at all.

There is a monster inside of me
and he doesnt want to eat
forces me to turn away every meal
want to throw up at every piece of food i see
He only feast on pain
from my freinds and enemies
Hes also hurting me
but I;m just a puppet for his insanity
theres a monster inside me
and he wont go away
whispers in my ears
tells me no  one wants to stay
tell me im worthless
fat,and ugly
so I wont eay until he thinks im skinny
there is a monster inside and hes always mad
makes me wanna scream
cutting portals in my skin
so he can get out of me
but he shys from daylight
stays with me
at least he will never leave
keeps me company
I have a monster inside of me
and i wont let him leave
we are freinds now
no matter how that seems
He doesnt care what people think
and niether do it
me and my monster
will be destroying things
for eternity

Deep deep red almost black eyes
Dark scaly gleaming skin
Jagged razor dripping grin
Slimy and infectious

Chizzled arms and torso
under a flexible scale exterior

Muscles rip
Powerful
Tall
Fierce
Talons with spiked knuckle speers

Eternal evil aura
Magnetic death surrounds him
******* life from hope
and crushing it all around him

He brings no mercy
Just agonizing pain
Mental and physical

There is no running
There is no hiding

He possesses the physical
speed and agility of a time warp
And the mental capacity to
encompass the universe
Though he needs niether

He knows your thoughts

Always

He manipulates your thoughts

Always

There is no battle to be won here

Just continued control and *******

He is my Master
And i am his servant

I am his Master
And he us my servant

The Demon is him
The Demon is me

The confines of this hotel room are all to pure,
as the devastating concequence of what brought us to this place is all to obscure.
And the windows are cracked, to help vent out the waryness,
but not even the constant air conditioning can blow out the bleak and bring us bliss.
We’ve shared many cigarettes by the balcony of our bathtub,
and tried to rid of the pain though books and coffee by a train hub.
But nothing can seem to rid the void between,
and my toes grow numb each day we loose belief.
Soon, I will no longer stand this, and niether can you,
and tomorrow we will awake with lips dark navy blue.

So as I am finally tired, and you’ve become cold, lets wrap together beneath the sheets while we can,
because tomorrow’s fatigue will creep up quickly, baby,
and choke me just like a man

fragrances transport you

to lands
you've never been

to mingle
with people

you've niether met
nor seen

I'm picking up grey
   Running away
      We're leaving today
         As far as we can walk
            I'm picking up grey
               We're walking away
                   We can't stay no more
                      It hasn't been the same
                          You don't want this
                             Niether do I
                                We keep on with
                                    Every lie
                                       I'm picking up grey
                                           Moving away
                                              Taking my stuff
                                           Moving away
                                        Leavings not enough
                                     I'm picking up grey
                                  Try ro replace
                               The hole in my chest
                            This bittwr emptyness
                         I'm picking up grey
                     I need it to stay
                  I'm keeping it safe
               It's the only way

"AGoddessOriginal"
(B4 2009)

Oh yes you don't belong to her and surely you never did,
I know there is a struggle doin it but you've to accept it,
Don't fall for seconds of  heavenly hallucinations,
You'll hit hard afterwards these potions ,
You know already that she got her man,
You're not the one why don't you understand,
Okay, there were of holding hands or intense scenes,
Just pretend they were just uneven chilled breeze,
Forget about them and just move on,
You know there is no reason goin through this storm,
Just get over it you know this way got wild turns and animals too,
Just stop right here because its not your way niether she belongs to you.