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Rebecca Carter May 2013
Who am I?
Seems like lately I've had to ask myself that way too much
Why is that?
Hell I don't even know
Who am I?
I know who I was before
I know who I was during
I know who I was after
But now I, I just don't know
I know who I'd like to be:
The me before but less naive,
The me during but with my feet on the ground so I don't hurt
The me after but happier, more hopeful, more alive
Anything would be better than the numbness
I've done things the true me wouldn't be able to do
I've done things I shouldn't have yet I don't feel remorse or guilt
Who am I?
Now that I'm able to smile from my soul once again
Now that I find moments of peace and lightness
Now that I'm not miserable, not stuck in the past
Now that I feel the sun shine and warm my soul
Now, I search and grab for anything and everything
I can to resurrect some of that beauty and grace
Who am I?
Well for now I'm still trying to figure that one out
As my heart rebuilds, I will try to not break all of my morals
I'll try and try; I've failed more than once already
I still continually ask:
Who am I?
Who am I?
I'm really trying to figure it out and fix the bad. Seems like the more I try, the more I find I'm doing wrong.
Rebecca Carter Apr 2013
In the heat of the night
He took her hand and hid her fright
She came along, young and naive
Looking back, never once a thought of leave
They held on to those days
Through months of hurt, a gentle haze
Words of passion, tears of shame
Through it all that day had came
Confusion stripped them raw
Cutting deep like a bloodied saw
Pushed and pulled, emotions took their toll
Packed his things, the taxi ready to roll

The sun bore down, blazing hot and red
His string drew back slow in stead
A cool wind swept a chill across his arm
She held on to his promise to cause no harm
A somber air filled him as he readied
He stopped with a stark glance at the target, heart heavy
He noticed nothing but the pale curve of skin
Where his arrow would stick in
She smiled and said "hello dear"
The arrow let out; the string hit, slap! Clear
The fire  whirled across the blade
She warmed to him, the love they made
He smiled and set the bow down
He stood steady as the arrow drown

Her shock came in flows of blood
Her tears wet her heart in profounded flood
One last time her lips he kissed
Then strode away knowing he never missed
She collapsed to the ground
Her heart pained, no longer able to sound
Days passed her in a daze
It took time but she outlived that phase
Bitterness came and went
With others her time she spent
Her wound now stitched together
He is still her number one choice in forever

She knows now that love jades
But with keeping strong heartbreak eventually fades
Rebecca Carter Apr 2013
Exhaustion overtakes her soul
She used to fight it and her demons
Yet lately she sees no reason, for life has taken toll
Sun shines so lovely and weather warmed so right
She found that smiles came and laughter trilled
Her heart fell and leapt slightly again
Yet his words still burned where they fell
Lonely and broken, she stands once again to face the world
The cruel world that stripped away her innocence and ***** her of pure joy
The world that held her up and dropped her, dropped her flat
Just as flat as her deflated lost heart
But yet, she fought on
And through this fight, she developed an unimagiable strength
Her smile still shone warm, her eyes always light
A new detemination urged her on
A new phase of her life
Yes life would be complete in his arms
Yet away from that protection is where she learned:
Life is cruel and painful but through the pain, beauty overtakes time and time again
Rebecca Carter Mar 2013
Rivers of pain flowed from empty holes of black cane
I fear the only answer may be
Hidden under fallen leaves of past hopes and dreams

If you showed a care, my breath night have been spared.
What you refused to do, the pain has subdued
Shining so bright, bleeding tonight
Tonight's the last, let it fade fast
Gaves dug in, saved for then
"What have you done?"*
You refused to hear but now act as if it wasn't there
Blankets of white cover the place, ice like a stake
Drove deep into my soul: others saw the coal
The blood is on your hands. Here it stands
You don't have another try; you lefft me here to cry!

The skies are churning. Hate is churning.
Where will it stop? This is where it hits the too!
Say goodbye - now Imma fly
I can't recall the good times at all
When It's the same, brewing pain
Spewing hate, is this my fate?

Now here I lay, as the preacher must say
The final words. They let out the birds
Then play a few keys. Silence now sees.
The gathering must let out. The trumpet finishes with a pout.
I lay in peace; invisible has ceased.
Heat warms my stone: seasons never change the tone.
Visits slow but still some go.
The end has come but only to some.
I loved you but you didn't feel it too.
Family is close but that was like being choked by a hose
My hole, covered with blood and dirt, uncovered the hurt.
My life put underground; what was found?

Don't show remorse- that's a buried corpse.
Hate now empathy. They gave you sympathy.
I could've ran but that was ban.
Dealt with ****, my lip I bit.
Then came the fall- I'd hit the wall.
Now alone, corpse a covered clone.
Nothing to fall on, a clever con.
Am I perfect now? Or still a cow?

You still see my tears, cantt hide your fears.
You have your own; who's been shown?
There was a plead but it was left to bleed.
I'd begun to rot when you were caught.
Injuries thatt will always keep.
What was said now has lead... to dead.
You pretended; I ended.
I wasn't happy; you thought I was snappy.

Now left to stay you wish to say,
Let's go back to the beginning and have a better ending.

It's too late, overwhelmed with hate.
Where's your child? Under dirt piled.
Where's your heart? I couldn't hit it with a dart.

... it light seem lame but turn the blame.
Make it right, stop the fight!
You have the power to be a strong tower.
Send the message through for someone counts on you.
Take my props, it has to stop!

Give love a try. Nor one deserves to die.
This find, what they need is kind.
This is one of the first poems I ever wrote. So excuse any immaturity in style etc.
Rebecca Carter Mar 2013
In the brilliant light, he stood
By the door, waiting on the hood
My baby smiled, a smile so honest and true
Quickly I found my way into those arms I knew
Body of warmth, strength of steel
Height and build contradict his feel
His eyes graze my skin
Over his love, take me in
Unrealized and indescribable beauty, from head to toe
Unbelievable and unconceivable heart, his alone to know
In this look he did hold
The promise of forever told
A love of light and time
A love through darkened slime
Hand in hand we strolled the walk
In the evening air we did talk
Talk of play and strife
A venture past to present and future life
On a blanket under the star's sight
He held me long and tight
Match of perfection
Truly one in love's descresion
Lips of silk formed a like
Each kiss felt deep, ever so fine
Warmth encompass me, love so real
Slow and deep, in passionate kiss I feel
The span of forever, he sealed here
Whispered come closer, we've nothing to fear
Deep inside the fire grows
Released from a depth so low
Gentle hands soothe my hair
Frees my soul in the cool evening air
His gentle touch, so full of love
Takes my breath, sweet lord above
All worry, fear, and thought quickly disappear
His presence I feel now, his presence brought me here
A fire so strong it makes me glow
Sweet passion taketh over when love doth show
Rebecca Carter Mar 2013
He's in the water paddling, struggling
It's so dark and cold
I reach my hand out right in sight
Hesitation fills his body
But I'm right there, so very close... I'm right there!
My hand may not be strong but it is safe
My heart may nor be perfect but it is his
He flails around, unable to connect his heart to his mind
Does he take the hand of whom he calls mind
Or swim away in hopes to be free?
He calls me love, he calls me his
And my heart soars and soars
But every flight does end
Now her calls me neither
And my heart does crash
In flames and pieces as he takes some time
If her swims or sinks, how will I live?
If her takes my hand, will it be the same?
The shore is warm and inviting
The sea is cold and dark
Standing in his soaking clothes, will he warm or freeze?
Am I enough to save him?
Enough to keep him mine?
I'll love him on the beautiful shores
And love him more in the raging seas
No matter how he chooses, my choice is made for me.
Rebecca Carter Mar 2013
Silent anticipation tears her heart
Burning embers blind her sight
His tears, her only fears
Confusion, a struggle of heart and mind
Thoughts of life and death, of loss and pain
A pain stronger than any wound spreads
A burning moves until nothing can stop
The tears, so real and new, that flow like rivers down their cheeks
She only wants his touch, his reassurance, and his love
She only wants to nor be the first every time
She only wants to hear him whisper of his love, to hear his heart
He knows nothing of her fears

He knows nothing of her fears
He doesn't know how she hurts, how his hardening cuts sharper than any knife
Her knows nothhg of her fears
He can't explain his mind but knows not of his heart
This deadly combination leaves her in the dark
All alone, grasping for anything and everything
Hoping with all she is that her won't reject her
The one person she truly loves won't reject her like the world
The one girl that just wants to be free
Free from her past, her present, her future
Free in spirit, heart, and mind
Free to be with him eternally

But he, he doesn't know and doesn't know what to do
For he knows nothing of her fears
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