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 Dec 2018 Trevor Stuart
Hooflip
I hung out with a friend the other day
an old friend
we used to walk around a small town at night like every step was the beginning to some great adventure
we sat
we talked of all thats been going on in our lives
we smoked
we sat
we walked to his house at the desire of my mother
not necessarily to be there
but to be anywhere but here
we arrived
we sat
he stayed on his phone for what turned into an hour
"looking for something to do"
I sat
He said "I don't have anyone to hang out with"
I sat
He said "Shane, I have shane to hang out with"
I am Shane
I sat.
Now I can't decide exactly what the problem is,
am I so dreadfully boring one must rely on a circuit board escape plan to lead them to others less so
or is my friend improper company for myself
would have thought of any of this if I had a phone myself?
or would I have written it right there on the spot?
Who knows
we smoked
I walked home, alone & happy to be
though I couldn't help but notice all the pretty faces eating ice cream along the way
I tried to sing for their attention
they laughed
I smiled & walked away
atleast I made some sort of impression, eh?
my friend & I shall meet again
& no matter how it goes, I know this is the type of friend who will visit me on my deathbed, or I his.
I suppose I am just shaken by the contrast of the time spent then & the time spent now
I arrive home
I lock the door to stop the echoes of fear from flogging my mother
I sleep
 Dec 2018 Trevor Stuart
Hooflip
The me I am
The me I was
The work I do
The drugs i've done
 Dec 2018 Trevor Stuart
Hooflip
Yup
 Dec 2018 Trevor Stuart
Hooflip
Yup
I EAT A SUBOXONE FOR LUNCH
I THINK THAT IM GONNA THROW UP
THATS A LOVELY BUZZ AND SIDE AFFECT OF BEING FORCED TO GROW UP
I MISS BEING YOUNG IN SUMMER
ONLY TWENTY ONE & BUMMED OUT
ALWAYS SOMETHING WRONG & ITS MY FAULT I JUST KEEP FAULTING OUT
& ALL THE LOVELY LADIES THAT IVE LOVED JUST THINK IM CRAZY CUZ MY LOVE AROUND THE CLOCK THE LOVE THEY GIVE TO ME IS LAZY
& IT BREAKS ME, ALWAYS BREAKS ME, EVERY TIME IT FEELS THE SAME N IM ALIVE BUT DEAD INSIDE I GO OUTSIDE TO FEEL THE RAYS & I DISSOLVE
DONT WANNA BE INVOLVED
DESIRE TO EVOLVE I FEEL THE RAIN  & CRACK A SMILE SYMBOLS INESCAPABLE
ALWAYS FALL, FOREVER FALLEN NEVER FALLEN FOR
I PLACE FLOWERS IN THE HINGES LATCHES OF YOUR LOCKING DOOR
& I KNOW THAT THEYLL PROLLY DIE YEAH YOU WONT EVER WATER THEM
BUT I JUST FIGURED MAYBE YOU MIGHT SMILE AT THE THOUGHT OF THEM
& IF I COULD CONTROL ALL THESE EMOTIONS I COULD CALL YOU FRIEND
IM SWEPT IN THE INTENSITY DEFENSLESS & A FALLEN MAN
I wish I could turn off the city lights and dim the stars
Lock away my mind behind steel bars
Maybe if I pause the world
The ache of living will slowly fade from my bones
What if sleep is the only time I ever feel at home
And lately taking breaths to stay has become the hardest task
All I ever seem to do is look back
My heart may be pumping
But I can’t feel the beat
It’s the murmur of a hummingbird's wings, soft and discreet
I seem quiet
Yet my thoughts run deep
How many of us feel incomplete
So many young minds already succumb to defeat
I know I can’t be the only one
These are the things that my friends don’t say
But I see them slowly fade away
Slip into another day
Of just trying to make it by
The only way we cope is by getting high
Is this what it means to be alive or do we just survive?
Did someone with a capital “S” put us here?
If so, who and why?
Are we all just born to die?
Why should we even try?
Tell me you think about these things too
I know that you do
We are the fragile youth with nothing to lose
And everything to gain, if only we were not afraid
Never of death, but the in between
Dealing with broken dreams and trying to stitch up the seams
The scars will always show, this much I know
It is up to us to choose if we grow
 May 2014 Trevor Stuart
Grez
Inspiration doesn't strike me
I feel I have to earn it

My heart says,
       Write, for you have words to say
          Words to be heard
             Words to be thought on

My heart and head do not converse
I know this
As my hands are still frozen
There is no inspiration
Should I write when the words won't come out?
Change is constant
Even when we have lost it
Our souls, our bodies
No longer clinging to meaningless hobbies
The only thing guaranteed
In a world full of greed
All warnings we did not heed
Taking without need
Corrupted images destroying self esteem
We should be working as a team
To undo the damage
Of the rich man's rampage
Stealing resources
Wars on false pretenses
Thinking about the future makes me tense
So many of my friends already have their mind set
"Having a family, that's what's best"
Why would I want to bring another life into this
An innocent soul
You're supposed to protect
shape
and mold
Truth be told
I am not that bold
Although your hand I would love to hold
I dare not bring another fragile human into a world so cold
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