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Aidan A May 2017
When I leave
And we both start wishing
We had more time together,
It will not be the instances
That never came to fruition
That we regret -

It will be the time we wasted
Being upset at each other.
Aidan A Sep 2018
Do you still need me the way I need you
I'm still thinking bout how I let you go
And I know
I'm doing this cause I no longer deserve
The love and care I myself
Didn't show
Do you still think any good of me
When you stare into darkness
Before you sleep
The way I drown in sorrow
Even when I try to be stronger
It finds a way in, seeps

I can no longer feel the weight
Of the world
I'm trying to let go of
But I let go slow
I want to smile at the thought
That you're better, even if
It's without me
I want you to be happy
Even without me
It renders me hurt
To realise that I have been
So blind
Out of my right mind
That I have made you see me as
The opposite of happiness

It's only been a few days since we've
Said goodbye, without anger
We even said we still loved each other
And I know when we're able to do that,
That you're serious, you're leaving my side
I'm saddened
I cry every single time
A song comes on that we used to sing to
I can't game because I'd always lane with you
I'm left here
I'm glad you're doing better
I want to genuinely be happy that leaving me
Was a good decision
I'm glad you're gaining weight
I'm glad that you're meeting new people
I'm glad that though I am torn up, serrated inside
Watching my friends kissing their brides
Flooding the floor with eyes that don't dry
Wanting desperately to be able to try

Through all that
I am learning to love you from here
I'm glad I was lucky enough to receive love
From someone as special as you are
To me
I'm glad I was reminded of what it felt like
To be cared for even when I was ****
That says something about what I meant to her

Through all this
I am happy and
I am sorry
And sooner or later I will be able to accept
That I was no good for you

Please be happy, Trish. I miss and love you.
Aidan A Sep 2018
My world doesn't need me anymore
The world never needed me
I no longer want to be a burden
To either
How many times can you re-tie
Heartstrings?
More than you wish you could

I hate myself for what
I do to others
What I do myself when they get hurt
I hate myself for not being strong enough
To realise my place in this world

I have no place here
Ill find it somewhere between
This existence,
And the next
Aidan A May 2017
The mod, my heart
The clouds, my blood

It feels like the coil needs replacing
And I know how to do it
For some reason I can't
Perhaps the gauge of kanthal
Is just not right for my building post

It matters not the cotton I use
If I continue with cheap liquids
For a momentary fix
Inevitably I will poison myself
And those around me
Which in itself is a personal sin

How do I set myself free,
And not only of nicotine?
Theres things I need to let go of and there are obstacles I need to get past.
Aidan A Mar 2017
If she may fall asleep
Within a solace spun of oceans deep,
Where she rests - upon a foundation of strength
And finesse, I pray her weary eyes
Will soon forget their burdens
That she will breathe new life and
See herself for the radiance
She truly is.

If I may venture,
Brave the tides and slay the demons that plague her
Perhaps spark change beyond just seeing...
Would her gaze rest upon my being?
And bless my thoughts with her complexion,
An immaculate theater of inspiration.

If I had stayed here,
And rose above my doubtful waves to find her
Drowned in sorrow, or soaked in pain
Under darkened storms and torrential rain
For and beside her I'd take my place
To coax sunrise from her cloudburst face,
To call stars for eyes, always dawning surprise -
Such grace upon my evening skies.

If I may ask her,
To let me drown within the deepest seas
Of her eyes, just a second longer,
Before they shut, and she falls asleep
Amongst unrealised dreams and bursting seams
Where I’ll be, to stay staunch and guide her
To clear conflicting briar, so she may once again rest
Upon a foundation of strength
And finesse.
An old poem with a couple new lines. Still unsure if the new stanza takes away from its original delivery. Anyways, this poem is about guardianship that is found in (some) love. It is an inherent feeling of wanting to protect those you value. Thanks for reading!
Aidan A Apr 2017
Verse 1 -
Shes done something to me that I just cant explain
And all the words I thought I lost I have regained
When paper meets the pen,
I fear the lack of ends
I know she'll list'n in
When I sing

Chorus 1 -
Go to sleep
My enchantress of a myriad,
Beautiful come with me
Eternity could be ours

Verse 2 -
I knew I'd love her even if only from afar
Away land I couldn't hope to get closer
I knew I'd love her even if I'd have to wait
A moment longer, till Im beside her...
When paper meets the pen
Thats where my love begins
Shes now the meaning
In the words that I sing

Chorus 2 -
Go to sleep
My enchantress of a myriad,
Beautiful come with me
Eternity could be ours

Show to me
My enchantress of a myriad
Leave your pain
But keep your eyes on me
We can live in fantasy
Eternity could be ours

Outro -
Go and be,
More than just my silhouette
And though you are now
Finally free
Remember our fantasy

My enchantress of a myriad.
I've been busy completing these songs for a small project of mine, so this is the extent of my poetry, of late.

The chorus stems from a much, MUCH earlier poem. This song has been 4 or 5 years in the making, so naturally the EP will be named after it.

Interested in hearing how it sounds?
https://soundcloud.com/theaidanazhar/with-which-i-let-go

Instrument is a guitalele. Uke players please take your seats. The song is meant to emulate a bittersweet lullaby.

Obviously there are mistakes and flaws in it's arrangement, but this is the song at it's core. Currently transposed in A but will be recorded in E standard, cause lets face it, no one cares about the lower octave.

Input and criticism is very welcome! Thanks for reading/listening

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