you're unaware of your plasticity
but it's plain to see to me
you're an artificial fabrication
of what you think you should be
but the rescue boats are coming
if you'll throw your hand out for an oar
help you'll find
from people like life rafts
who'll drag you to shore
yet you stab at the boat
puncturing it's tender flesh
the water's rising
it's hard denying
you did this yourself

Alone in the grey room
Painted by you so long ago
So it seems...

The demons linger with you.
Test you
Telling you to do it
So in that moment
You break
You listen
You obey these horrors...

One, two, three,
Before you know it
They cover the canvas
Bleeding in pain
Bleeding in beauty
Unseen, feared to be seen,
Yet begging to be.

Looking over, across the room
Pills; happiness in a bottle
One, two, three...

Dizzy, fizzy, wizzy!
Laughing, but nothing is funny
In pain, but you smile
It feels so good
This rush
This temptation to go over the edge
Peering over it
Daring it to poke you
Tipping you over...

In the morning, feeling hungover
But you're not
You didn't drink a drop
Just a little pop...
Pop..
Pop.

A week later, here we go again
Six on Monday
None on Tuesday
Eight on Wednesday
Six again on Thursday
Eight again on Friday
All of this pain,
It's so addicting.

- Jay M
March 22nd, 2019

I always like people
Who are not right for me
They see me as clingy
And uppity property (of the wayward sea)
So they cast me overboard
(Watch me drown)
Unless I get them first (last)
Then I'm just a ghost from their past
Scars in a row: one. two. three?
God help me.