You are the elixir
of overworked men
a companion
for lonely souls
and a boxing ring
for the fighting spirit
Your camaraderie
leads to immediate
regret
but such pain
forces peace
in the new day

the sun is a done
bun hon'.
worry now,
it can't be undone.
hurry now,
your pens and paper for fun.

you know it's too soon
to feel the flurry bow
down to rend bones
into red and vapor for fun.

so **** my **** and call me cherry.
pour the sherry one more time,
I can feel the divine
flesh and scrape her for fun.

knives and saccharine,
guns to blow the *****
off each and every one.
don't worry hon',
it's just for fun.

step one.)
say goodbye to your mornings, don’t grieve them
set your alarm for an ungodly hour, no breakfast
drink your coffee, try not to taste it. the caffeine is all you need
sit at your desk and complete your tasks
attach your self worth to numbers :)
don’t think about it

step two.)
work during your lunch, eat your silly little tasks away
your worry will go away if you keep working
look. look at everyone working harder than you
compare yourself to them immediately
unrealistic expectations? standards too high?
look. look at them again. they did it. why can’t you?
compare your worst to their best :)
overthink it

step three.)
stay late. try to be the last one there. your superiors will be so impressed!
count up the number of tasks you have completed!
now count up the number of tasks you still have to do :(
eat take out for the third time this week
don’t worry about your arteries, those silly tasks are more important
ignore calls from your family, you have an important call waiting!
you’ll call them back. your phone dies -_-
stop thinking

step four.)
drive home exhausted. might be dangerous, but who else is on the road this late?
only your competition.
fret about the silly little tasks you have when you get home
you’ll take some of the tasks from your desk to try to beat the rush tomorrow
your bed is covered in tasks. your laundry is overflowing;
clothes stained with takeout and coffee you didn’t taste
complete your tasks. don’t worry about the sleep you aren’t getting.
there will be coffee in the morning :)
recount your tasks. are your numbers up yet?

don’t think for yourself :)

repeat steps 1-4 until dead.


why aren’t you happy?

I never thought it would be you.
With your brown eyes surrounding like mountains.
Arms always big and warm and hugging someone.
She didn’t deserve you, you know?
Now you’re off somewhere,
On the “greatest adventure of all”.
You were like him the more i think about it.

I was always a little mean to you
I guess i really didn’t understand
I was jealous of your friends, your smile
I thought it was just a pencil
Now it’s a blade and you’re gone
It doesn’t feel real

I remember you at my door
On the phone
And in the kitchen
Alone
With her
Laughing hugging kissing
She loved you

You got better
Stronger.
Daft punk sleeps now.
Because of you.
I complained.
You were so loved
But there must’ve been worms
Under your skin

That night was the worst night
Wasn’t it?
It’s the demons’ fault, whoever they are
They took my friend
I lost you once, now again
But there is no redemption
No hope
No light

You had an ****** flip phone
The background was a picture of your christ
Reaching out his hand through water
You wanted to believe in something so badly
It wasn’t enough i suppose
And that’s the sad truth of everything i know

But you hurt everyone so badly
Did you realize
The giant hole you’d leave
The scars on your skin now on mine
Where did you go
Did you finally go home

You were always a little selfish
But this is the most selfish act of all
Leaving us here while you move on
Now i’m scared
Everyone i know
Everyone i love
Could die
At any time
And i can’t do anything about it

Do better!
Be better!
Want me!
I screamed into the void of my thoughts.
I wasn’t sure who I was screaming at
but I had at least a few people in mind.

The reality is:
it could have been anyone.
No one had ever been enough.

I had always believed that I had not been enough for anyone.

The trouble it seems:
He was right.

No one had been enough for me.

Maybe I was my intended audience.
****.

you did nothing for me
and yet i'm still here immortalizing you
why can't i give it up?
i held on to loving you for so long
but now i'm just holding on to hating you

let me let go

all the poems i wrote you were exaggerations
to make up for the love you never gave me
i can admit that now

sure, the 'i love you's were on your lips
but your kisses tasted like, '*******'s

you never listened to me
you never listened to the songs i asked you to
you never set up your ******* voicemail

you broke up with me over text. while i was with my family. in utah. having panic attacks every day. telling you about them. see above: you never listened to me.

i'm sick. sick of you. sick of this.
you're over it. my mind is over it. why isn't my heart?

i'm done coming up with metaphors for you
for how much you took and never gave
i'm done making excuses for you, and taking the blame
and i'm not going to do the 'just friends' thing with you
if you're going to tell our friends to cut me off
and smile at me like nothing happened
smile like two years took nothing from you

and i guess they didn't

i might ask her to
go to homecoming with me
but what if she says