It's been several weeks
Passing on and on and on,
That the words don't come
Nature heals me,
The soft whisper of life -
Soothes my darkened soul
A smile makes me believe again
The words I read let me feel again
The words just won't come
Forcing them never work
Drinking is tortuous
The room of love has been
An empty oasis waiting in the sun
This seems insurmountable at times
Long, never ending battle against myself
Every time I try, it's a busy tone
Staring at the black keys
They mock me in plain sight
Only the tones of music hear me
Only my closed eyes let me see it

There is a deep peace that I seek
No ocean dark enough
The sky far enough
That I will not search
You must fail to find truth
You must be uncomfortable,
To find the truth
You must hurt, to find a truth
The damage has been done
And the four walls still stand
Bright within the war
Yearning to learn
Yearning to live
Yearning to love
I'll take my blade into my passion
Dust myself off
The hole through me is wide
I seek no shelter
For I have lost my way
Now it is time to find out
Who I truly am to become

A word alone can not describe
The awful pain one carries
Once the flower in their life
Has damaged it's pedals
I see us as a garden
The tornado that protects us
Is also the one who destroys us
There is no level high enough
Of the remorse I feel
A sadness so pure
I am almost grateful for such
An authentic emotion in a lost world
You are a greatness in this world
Whom should be showered
From the heavens with praise and love
May the waters of the ocean
Cleanse the dark caves we've walked
May the bright blue sky
Kiss you in the night
I am here with you, all day and forever
With love,
Sebastian

Ideas travel round the mind
Lost in vast pictures
Of many thoughts and creations
They cultivate heavily and unremorsefully
Lap after lap after lap
Moment after moment after nothing
Trying to make sense of anything
Before we full circle around to the truth
Life will give you perspective
And then **** you
Take your mistakes and learn
How to get back down the mountain
And when life gives you some light
You go in for the ****!
And you don't look back
And you don't apologize

Forward. Direction.

forward, forward, forward

You become more you than ever
You look from the outside in
And you fall backwards

The electricfying feeling when touched
By a soul whose passion burns
Through years of mistakes and adventures
Is a touch only a lover will give you
Kissing their lips, grabbing their body's
Sailing away from the worry
Jumping off rooftops together
Opening your ears to the sound of lust
As the record spins and spins
The fury you've created goes on and on
With each long night,
With every single word spoken
After every gaze, every cigarette
The embers float in the wind
Capturing the symbolic meaning,
Of what it means to be alive

There's some **** all the time
You got to just laugh at
There's always some people
You got to just laugh at
There's some places and
Personalities, you gotta just laugh at
In the end, keep your secrets
Keep your self-motivation
Keep what keeps you going
Keep it all to yourself, sacred
Become indestructible,
In the end, when you're at the top
Alone with the gods
That's all that'll matter
And your life will thank you

It's as if they forget the rest of the world
The computers, the telephones, the policies
Each in their own never-changing world
Then it gets even worse than them
You look around and begin to notice things
The officials, these people "In-Charge"
With fat wallets and hollow brains
How the **** did you do that?
Half of them can't sharpen a pencil
And they get filled with hot air
So they think they're doing the job right
It eats at them knowing the real truth,
That there's mother ******* out there
Who will eat them alive at any given chance
The hard workers, earlier risers
Those who earned their keep
And you can feel their warmth as they walk
You know when they've entered a room
I like those beasts, those warriors
Those not being destroyed into robots
Keeping their creativity a float
Letting everyone know, that they are watching

Sleep deprived and malnourished
Nightmares don't scare me any longer
Opened eyes and certainty does
While blind eyes make moves
I slide away from them
Anxiety comes with flowers
Depression swims along side me
The cracks become larger over time
Moving forward with cemented legs
Yearning for the intoxication of fresh air
Freedom from worry or desire
I fight for what I want to keep building
Often neglecting what I truly need

To be intact with my body and soul
To become the vibration of a song
To see art in purest of forms each day

The body is useless
If the mind does not control it
Manipulating its creative power
With an educated compromise
Between lust and intent
The latter to this equation is
That the mind becomes stale
If your body does not enjoy it
Prospering from it's fruits
Becoming an energetic spark
Heat radiating from the skin
Touching water with power
Such knowledgeable freedom

Sitting a top a cold mountain
I was thinking to myself
As I had my eyes shut,
Wrapped in warm clothing
Bottle  of whiskey at my feet
Listening to the eagles soar,
The trees swaying,
The clouds sweeping through
I imagined this warm feeling
Her, laying there naked
Velvet sofa with a book in hand
Legs wide open and tanned
She was so pure so clean
She bare her beauty to me
Soft delicate skin raised my hairs
I could maul her with my thoughts
But I decide to just eat her
Eating between her soft legs
As she read and drank champagne
Moaning after each sentence she read
She would put strawberries in my mouth
As I licked away at her lips
I dipped my strawberries inside her
Since I had no whipped cream
I was stone and she was flesh
An energy so pure in the night
Then, I opened my eyes
In front of a fire, I sang
"To hold you at my fingers tips,
To cherish the gold in the world,
To be set free forever in my mind"

Glowing with the stars in the sky
She's a character in a wild story
Creating this untouchable aesthetic
Unconsciously focusing her energy into
The eyes of those who gaze upon her
You can feel her in your finger tips
As you observe, you also transform
There is true clarity in this chaos
She twirls and sings and laughs
From summer beaches in Mexico,
To rainy days in Paris
Capturing each moment of ecstasy
Each moment of living life right
Happiness at each turn and twist
There's music and drinks and art and love
Here in a garden of fruitful existence
Escaping the dead hands of being a human

Each face that walks by
Each stop we pass
Another commuter today
Same dry faces on the transit
We walk by one another
Some say good morning
Some folk are still asleep
Some folk haven't slept all night
Then there's those glowing
Emerging from the grey,
Cold bitter mornings
Big green eyes, long hair
She knows you're there
You're a sinking boat
And she sees it everyday
Music in both your ears
But it's all in your head
You're just staring outside
Thinking of a day for happiness
Thinking today could be it
But it's not, it's still cold
Gather your ****, next stop please!

I'd rather lose grasp of my mind
Diving into the intelligence of energy
Screaming for the lust of life
Soaring throughout the universe
All while I drink this coffee
Staring at the golden body of hers
As I close my eyes again
I'm in all black today
My body is full of light

It's a dark ominous night
The cards are dealt
My hands do not shake
There's a storm coming
And we are too close to sail away
I've plenty to drink
and I am insides out
There's fear to my right
Whiskey to my left
And my past deal 'em out
Our horns are up tonight
Your move, darlin'

There's no noise
I feel the pulse of life
See the people existing
Watch the cars pass on
Look up at the sky,
The clouds are so beautiful
The massive mountain range
Over looking in peace
It's hard to listen
To all of my surroundings
Forgetting they are even there
I listen to some music
To feel the vibration
But I can't hear anything
I'm in this cocoon
Blocking me
From anything most tangible
I exist only within my walls
Looking at the stars
Smiling at the rain from a hole
All I need, really

Come for me, my darling
With that glow in your eyes
That innocent way you walk,
The way you cut your pear,
The way you drink a cup of coffee,
Pouring a whiskey, smiling
Wondrous and exotic charisma
Divulging yourself in plain daylight
Running through the water
Driving you car in the sun
Screaming that favorite tune
At each and every turn
Come for me, my darling
We'll die together in winters arms

Give me those people who enjoy
Sharing new music
They find when soul searchin'
Give me those who enjoy
The long bus rides in the morning
Or trains into the evening
As they go deep into the city
Those who take that left hook
From the bright sun to the face
Smiling, because they feel alive
Those who do not see mere objects
But those who see art on the walls
Each step another beat
Soaking the aesthetics of their society
Soaking in the change in their life
I need these people like
The monks need their temples
Out in the mountains, pure and free
I need these people like
A child needs his mothers warmth
So share this glass with me
Bring over your records my friend
Let's cook and **** and sing
To the beauty in the sky so enriched!
It's life we need, living to be

It hits you like a swing of a bat
Like your first kiss
The recurring dream, night sweats
You're walking down the road
Smile because you just got paid
Or laid or new jeans, new book so on
Happiness is what you feel, you think
It's actually

A piece of paper caught in the wind
Your wrist shifts up to move the hand
There is nothing to grip anymore
It has been taken away in the gusts
The gust of life are so precious
Many times we hate the inability
To be able to do more than the possible
We want to hold water, fly, live forever
Yet, we've no idea the responsibility
There is so much grey in the world
Tanto, tanto, tanto gris
We don't even know what to do
When it's all gone and

Here for love
Here for the fight
Here to be still
Here to flow like water
Here to touch the sun
Here to finish it off
Here to change
Here to let go

There is so much horror
A copious amount of pain
A never end tree of sorrow
This life has no easy battle
There is no instructions
And life itself, does not care
Once you let that sink in, know this
Even a battle ends,
A wound can heal,
As quickly as terror comes, it goes
Clear as glass this is true
Nothing can be forever
We are not sure forever even exists
In the midst of chaos
In the tidal wave of uncertainty
In the flames of despair
Know it isn't it, it doesn't end there
Generate energy, cultivate movement
Get to where you're going
Lift up your heavy head
Shake off the dust, blood, and tears
Nothing is powerful enough for forever
Grab at the horns, life is waiting

These actors and actresses
Puppets being fiddled good
To showcase what "they" like
Thinking we've no minds
Powerful enough to write our history
My writing can be so pure
So visceral and blatant
I'm here within the walls of life
Doing the right thing they say
I'm not drowning yet, but
I have no material to make it so
To make an experience the answer
To make these walls sing
To make these fingers explode

Nothing beats that one day dream
After a load of **** and stress
Thinking of your favorite jacket
Stepping out, leaving the mess
Jumping on the train to nowhere
Listening to the Rolling Stones
Fine woman walks up,
She takes your order and smiles
Gimme that whiskey darlin'
We're heading out together
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye..

What is life without
The intensity of pain?
When blood runs thick
Eyes are focused
The mind like a wildfire
Nobody sees the truth
The way truth
Should be viewed
I took it on a ride before
And now it has traveled back
After many long journeys
Welcoming me home
MY magic carpet of doom

As I write today
There is a sore in
My entire belly
Quiet but painful
Sitting there, waiting
As I write today,
My hands begin to sweat
Nervous at each stroke
New York was fun
The phones ring
Dinner tomorrow night

The soft warm bed
In the middle of the day
With the wind blowing
Through her open blinds
She's so soft
The sheets are bright white
As I have always pictured them
She's all I need
I've grown so tired
I need a place to rest my head
I've found solace here
Here in the soft white bed
She looks over at me
She's happy I've came here
I was drowning
The breeze hits my face
I close my eyes and fall back asleep
I hear her get up to
Go check on breakfast

Her soft hair was golden
The wind caressed through it
Across her tranquil face
She kept a smile so warm
The brush around us swayed
Her hair moved along with it
We stood a top a hill
Over looking the world
I had a flask in hand
She held onto my arm
It was years and years
All in just a moment
There was no past
Life was so very still
There was no future
There was that moment
My eyes sank into
That big blue ocean of hers
She licked her lips
I pulled her close
There was all of that moment

We all come up for air
To see a distant truth
A vision we can not see
When the tides are high
And the soul is deep
Lost into the world
Creating, living, dying
That is where we live
Till we come up from air
All alone surrounded
By the past, the future
The seagulls above
The lonely palm tree
The fruits that have fallen
It's nice, but quiet
Your mind is so loud
Afraid of the night
The night under your eyes
The heavy heart beats
Till you are beneath
Once again, in the light

If there is no chase
There is absolutely nothing
No fire , no passion, no art
One must enchant the soul
Excite the emotions
Heal the damaged heart
Lust is merely a small tool
Passion is a form of art
It is to remain wild and pure
Authentic in all ways
No borders, or boundaries
So give a good chase
Whether you lead the way
Eagerly catch your partner
You chase life itself, chase..

We couldn't let go, so we gripped
Gripping to all hell with fury
Like a plane rising and has engine failure
Each dangling outside the craft
The view was so beautiful up there
That we forget how high we were
We didn't see how much danger we were in
We gripped the sides tighter
As the plane rose and rose
Why didn't we let go at 20 feet? 60 feet?
Maybe we thought the plane
Would somehow make a safe crash lading
Or supposed a mid-air rescue
Or maybe we thought for a second
That if we fly high enough
Once we let go, we would have
Enough time to relive our lives
Just before we crashed back on earth
Maybe too much hope really was the end

River of dark lust and pain
Clouds draping over the trees
A storm has passed through here
Mist and fog in every direction
I know how cold it is
Within my bones, she aches
Blood is pumping faster
After each step deep and deeper
My eyes are heavy, focused on
You and I at a battle
You're in a long satin black dress
Covered in old blood stains
I am naked and beat and bleeding
Your tongue is 5 feet long
Lashing at me, your claws are high
Screaming at my direction
Still as possible, I look deeper inside
Colder, and colder the night falls on us
You scratch at me, I shift my head
There is music we both hear
It's pumping more and more blood
We share one heart

Each step I take drags
I'm so tired and
It's been but 2 days
I turn the corner
Each time thinking you'll
Be sitting there waiting for me

A piece of paper caught in the wind
Your wrist shifts up to move the hand
There is nothing to grip anymore
It has been taken away in the gusts
The gust of life are so precious
Many times we hate the inability
To be able to do more than the possible
We want to hold water, fly, live forever
Yet, we've no idea the responsibility
There is so much grey in the world
Tanto, tanto, tanto gris
We don't even know what to do
When it's all gone and we're left
To Swim, to Walk, to be Alive
Could I just become a song?
Play and run around between the music
Touch the human soul that drives us

Early 6 o'clock start
Warm sheets
Last night was forever - 85 degrees
Like a rocket up to rise
Your soft, delicate flower
Was so warm and wet
I felt so good as I escaped
The sun was screaming with you
Light blasting through the clouds
The sky had opened up it's mouth
Let's get high under the sky,
Till morning fades
Inside the sky, with you I rise

Good morning in sunlight breeze
Shadows of battle is bedside
It's almost 80 degrees out already
8am this morning took the beating
Ready to go in the mess of life
Scrambling for something tangible
Running towards normality
As the rains washes the jungles
It is not a fight to lose
You stop being yourself, you're dead
An only way out - the Truth

Rough around the edges
Like a rhino on attack
The trees and sun look on
It is a machine for a heart
A deep river for a mind
Another day goes by
Just like the ocean breeze
To clear up that room of yours
Another day goes by
Just like this and that
Trying to find a smile
Inside a bucket of sand
Long drive at cold nights
Couldn't shake the mood
So I'll charge forward
As hard as possible
Tomorrow will open up
Like a butterfly when freed
To wonder the garden of today

Anger is blindness
Consuming true feeling
Disintegrating the atmosphere
Waking up isn't waking up
Sleeping isn't sleep
Everything goes down a hole
Nothing builds up, but sideways
Looking back at you
So you try to fight it
Injuring yourself, in warm blood
It is a high you can't escape
A wrath so great, so visceral
Anger is blindness
Anger is blindness, but
At times - truly necessary

Sometimes these things just work out
Issues with agenda's made by the universe
Like the swaying of the leaves on a tree
It is so natural, you gaze at it's beauty
Talk a walk down a busy street
Everything is so quiet in your eyes
Soft breeze hits your body as you continue
No clutter, no bother, nothing planned
Life has requested nothing
Life can take everything
It is the maestro, the captain
It can lend it's gifted hand
It will strike down at any given Sunday
We are but souls in a playground
It's always funny when we see more than this

The journey of thousands, and thousands
Of little steps begins with just one push
The push to take one step then another
After that it all gets goin' baby
It's the fire that hurts but makes us
The pain and the agony and the hate
Slamming your fist on the brick skyscraper
The obstacle will always seem to big
But the obstacle is just right there
You have your steps in a bag
It's your deal to use them
Dig a hole, grab a ladder, get movin'
The obstacle is here today, maybe tomorrow
But it's never forever, so never discard that
Your ideas are stronger than all of this

There is a piano player
Playing his piano inside
The walls of my mind today
Grey mornings, freeway rides
The coffee gets colder with soft lips
His music is swaying back and forth
Without rhythm, pace, or purpose
Just going along with the tide
Until the sun comes up
And he's in bed again
Far away on an island of fruit & wine

You can see it in the glimmer
Of a blinking eye lash
How deep does their vision go
How far have they have sunk
Have they killed before
Can they accept their deaths
Or have they died a few times already
Their backs, their touch, their senses
It is all a tell to a wicked story
To be willing to be uncomfortable
To accept truths much rather
Taken covered away from the crowds
As most let it happen, but not you
Is to find real truth within life
Expose it all, leave it on the table
And lay your raises down

We were supposed to be art
Art in the form of beings
To see, to touch, to evolve with
From the waters, to art
Electricity & salt fueling us
It is all falling, slipping
We are to enchant one another
To feed off the energy produced
By the touch of two eyes
Staring at the moon
Drinking the Spanish wine
The words we speak
The lust that drives us during ***
It is all to have been art
They shoot each other,
Some hate one another,
Others are blinded by themselves
Do not disappear, great art
We are here in the gardens
Inside the paintings
All around the city glowing together
The voice of art is real but fading
Some pretend, no substance
No passion, no sensitivity to the energy
But here it is, a truth to be told
We are to be art, daily
In our sleep to create
In our actions to be alive
And in our minds to explore all worlds

There isn't ink in this pen, not today
Today comes in tough, stays a while
Them eyes get heavy, the heart is sore
Blues keeps you a float, so you sing
Tequila in the corner, the fan is loud
Hot summer days turn into early mornings
With a spark, you grab a laugh
Shoes are off and you lost your shirt
Like the flow of an ocean, baby
Come drift with me till we hit land
It's filling up and I'm feeling right
The pen is getting heavy and it's hard to see
Dark is a path to the light on the other end
Time to create a getaway, further and further
I need you more and more each day

Beauty is in that cold water
That touches your hand
Like a soft kiss, comforting you
Stings like ice, but the pain is good
Bite into your apple, you'll see it
Blood from last night's dance
The coffee isn't strong enough
And you rather be in the sheets
Rolling around to that fine tune
Of birds whistling, cars going
People creating, people *******
Hiding from the daylight
Won't be friends till passed noon
It all feels so hard and you sing along
To the tune of the keyboard
As your apple looks back at you
It's rhythm, rhythm, rhythm

Delicious are the days when
Inspiration fills up my lungs
With hope & desire & electricity
The urge to walk through fields
Of flowers, short and long
Letting the imagination dance
Inside of a garden in Paris
Singing Mozart from a balcony
Champagne and laughter all around
Thinking of the next novel to read
As you cruise the shore of Tulum
Tasting exotic fruits and wines
Along the Spanish front
Those days for me are gifts
The breathe of fresh air
One truly needs to move forward

I'm sad today and I know it
I believe being sad is healing
It becomes a healing process
After you injure yourself
All the little molecules get going
Start stitching you up
Making that bone that broke harder
You must be sad to heal
I guess, maybe, that's why
It feels so good, you know?

I would like to write about
All things far and wide
The tingle in the ear
When the energy passes through you
Sunday morning cuisine
The static laughter from a crowd
Made up of friends, old and new
The road of tigers in the wild
The sun setting in Spain
To drinking with the elders
To buying that great friend a drink
Having a lover next to me
Caring for me, naked in the bed
Long car rides with my son
Closing my eyes in the end

I truly believe it is a need
To be scared, and afraid
When it's called for
You need the wake up
As the blood rushes you
Think quick, move faster
Just don't show it
Keep it as your own prize
Let it not be scorned by
The flames of the world
There is nothing worse than
Someone who shows their tell