Help I have bad internet connection
I can't check the school website.
That means I won't know about a test
That means I won't study
That means I will fail
That means I will get bad grades
That means I won't get into a good school
That means I won't get a good job
That means I won't get money
That means I won't buy food
That means I won't eat
That means I will die

Help I have bad internet connection
I can't get on facebook
That means I can't change my status
That means I don't take my relationship serious
That means he will dump me
That means I will be single
That means I won't get married
That means I will die alone

Help I have bad internet connection
I can't FaceTime
That means people are waiting for me
That means I won't show up
That means they will get worried
That means they might over react
That means they could call the police
That means they will think I'm missing
That means they will look for me
That means my family will get scared
That means they may start thinking the worst
That means they will think I'm dead
That means they will be upset
That means they will look for my body
That means they will find me
That means they will realize I'm not dead
That means they will be mad at me for scaring them
That means they will punish me, stop talking to me, who knows what else.

Help I have bad internet connection
I can't see any news
That means I won't know what's happening
That means I will be left out of all the conversations
That means I will be an outcast
That means I will have no friends
That means I will not make any relationships
That means I will go through life alone
That means I will become a hermit

Help I have bad internet connection
I can't access the e-library
That means no books
That means no learning
That means not getting any smarter
That means not getting into a good school
That means not getting a good job
That means no money
That means no buying food
That means no eating
That means I will die.

Face it! Life revolves around internet! If you have bad internet connection you could die, you couldn't even get on hello poetry *gasp!

It means tired.
It means tears.
It means visits to the doctor every week
and the hospital every month.
It means medicine.
It means side effects.
It means I'm weak.
It means "My bones hurt, I can't hang out today.
I'm sorry. I'll see you next week."
It means I can never call back.

It means a fight every day.
It means weight loss.
It means weight gain.
It means I hate myself.
It means surgery.
It means scars.
It means ugly.
It means I hate myself.
It means I can never win.

It means pain.
It means worry.
It means i'll see death when I'm fourteen and
come back to earth in an ambulance.
It means trauma.
It means terror.
It means I see my dad cry.
It means flashbacks.
It means nightmares.
It means I can never sleep again.

It means fustration.
It means desolation.
It means hopelessness.
It means depression.
It means I take a bottle of Tylenol and sleeping pills because
every day is worse than the one before.
It means I throw it all up the next day.
It means I can never win.

It means days in bed.
It means no more dreaming.
It means I can never win.
It means I can never win.
"I'm sorry, I'll see you next week."

being a girl means being dainty and innocent, means pure, means modest, means princess.
girl means legs crossed and church on Sunday's. girl means pepper spray and short skirts but not too short but not too long either. girl means *****. girl means chastity belt. girl means traveling in groups, means inferior, means less. girl means makeup and ******* and a sight for sore eyes. girl means girl is seen as object, seen as lingerie, seen as *** toy, only if girl looks good enough to be a *** toy, but even if she doesn't. girl means seen but not heard. girl means nice to look at, girl means nice to touch even when girl says no. girl says no means no, except when boy thinks no means yes. girl means what she says, except when girl doesn't, girl doesn't want you to ask, except when she does. girl is SO confusing, except when she's not. girl means no when girl says no, even when boy wishes girl says yes. girl means 1 in 4. girl means statistic, means unbelievable because if girl cries **** and nobody was around to see it, did it happen? girl wishes it didn't.

Being present means I'm not mentally labeling
Creating inner space and stillness, a being's haven

Being present means I'm not feeling emotionally drained
Creating inner space and stillness, more and more gained

Being present means I'm not waiting to react
Creating inner space and stillness, a being's habitat

Being present means I'm not clinging to the past
Creating inner space and stillness, it is so vast

Being present means I'm not worrying about the future
Creating inner space and stillness, and this I will nurture

Being present means I'm not compulsive thinking
Creating inner space and stillness, to God I am linking

Being present means I'm not judging what others think, say or do
Creating inner space and stillness, a being's point of view

Being present means I'm not resisting what is
Creating inner space and stillness, a native of this

Being present means I'm not attached to any kind of form
Creating inner space and stillness, a being's norm

Being present means I'm alert and alive
Creating inner space and stillness, a being's high five

Being present means I have the time for you
Creating inner space and stillness, and wholeness too

Being present means I enjoy what I do
Creating inner space and stillness, consciously too

Being present means I am consciously speaking, doing and acting
Creating inner space and stillness, of which there is no lacking

Being present means I am aligned to my purpose
Creating inner space and stillness, alive and alertness

Being present means I am at peace
Creating inner space and stillness, and flowing with ease

Being present means I accept its isness
Creating inner space and stillness, that is growing within us


Being present means I know there is no more important moment
Creating inner space and stillness, and feeling atonement

Being present means I'm connecting to a depth within
Creating inner space and stillness, for all to live in

Being present means there's nowhere else I'd rather be
Creating inner space and stillness, and the power To Be

Plant your flower ........

Being present means
I know there's no more
Important moment
Than NOW


© Delores Wiltse 2008 Excerpt from:
A Door Is Opening/AuthorHouse.com  
  
Fresh Spiritual Poetry via:
http://peacefromwithin.shawwebspace.ca/

When I was young I used to think that being an adult meant not having a bed time but I've come to realize that it means being in charge of my own bed time
And it also turns out that doesn't even scratch the surface of what being an adult really means

Being an adult means taking your medication every evening so you don't spiral in and out of depression and sever all stability you worked so long and diligently to obtain
It means drinking a bottle of wine and writing poetry by yourself on a Wednesday night just because it feels nice
It means breaking loose a little and nights out with your friends drinking and having fun, pretending you're still seventeen with no care in the world
It means being completely and utterly vulnerable and throwing yourself out into the world saying, "This is who I am, love me or leave me, but PLEASE just take me as I am!"
It means giving everything and everyone a chance
It means being so **** broke but still feeling accomplished because there is something so wonderful but so terrifying about freedom
It means frantically trying to figure out how you are going to pay your bills
It means working extra hours at work regardless of any leftover time or energy you might have
It means doing everything in your will to preserve that once constant and forever thriving creativity and innocence you had so much of as a child
It means trying to balance out being both ordinary and exceptional
It means realizing you can't escape participating in things you don't necessarily agree with, like paying taxes and getting up and going to that job every morning that you pretend to love
It means being self-sufficient and responsible, even if you don't feel fit to do so
It means telling your family you love them every single chance you get because you now realize how profound your love is for them and how much they truly mean to you
It means recognizing how important and wonderful your parents are, how much they really know, regardless of what you used to think when you were 16 or 17
It means acknowledging the fact that people will disappoint you but you simply can't blame someone for merely being human
But most importantly, it means realizing your own true beauty and purpose

For the first time in my entire life I can look in the mirror and see my body, my skin, my bones, as something charming and beautiful
I've never had a problem finding beauty elsewhere, whether it was in the world, in some small thing, or in someone else, but I could never seem to find it in myself
Until now
I love myself, my body, my mind
I see beauty in my being
I am able to find true beauty within
I look in the mirror and can wonder what my childhood self would think about me now
Is this what I imagined being an adult would look like?
But that doesn't matter because I love who I am now
Sure, I have my vices
And there is always something that I could be working on
But I am finally at home in my body
And it might have taken me 19 years to get here
But I am so happy

My name means pure, unsullied. It means that i'm untouchable, it means that i am alone, It means i am bigger than life, it means i smile with teeth of white. It means i am lonely somewhere in the light, it means you can't polute me. It means that if you are with me you're alone, it means i can't be mixed or altered by any other substance, when i get mixed in a substance, i don't react, i don't alter from my perfect white, it means you can't defy me, but remember to show me the bright colors that happen when you react with someone else.
My name is bright but misunderstood. Misinterpreted is the color of my eyes. No one is fit to my name, therefor it is rare. Therefor i'm not sure it fits. It means i get hurt, but still try getting on my feet. It means i find the good in other people, that i inherit the best traits. Even if i can't see it myself.
My name is spelled wrong, defying who i am, it misses a place to belong, my name is not easy to pronounce.
My name is a hurricane in the states, it is quick temper, my name is impatience, it means i can crush your heart, it means you can't carry mine. It means if you are with me you are on top of the world, it means you can't tear me down, im taking humans in my palms, swallowing the seas and rivers like saliva. And when you fall from the highest altitude remember to give me your black bruises. My name is unforgivable, my name meant pure once, my name was cold as the winter, killing butterflies, and my name is incarnated in the fields of Louisiana, killing people, and asking them to forgive me. Understand; i am not as pure as my name.

It means, i am alone, like the hurricane that carries my name i will be gone quicker than i came but never forgotten. It means that when i settle you fall from my palms. It means that i disapear, while you get hurt. It means that i am only shown in the atmosphere, watching, waiting and never coming back. If or when i do, you will have changed my name and i will be replaced by another hurricane, ten times stronger and harder to let go. I will be watching, dissapearing, while you are in the palms of another. When the rain finally falls, know that it is only my tears, they may not taste like salt, but they will taste bitter of heartbreak, and when everyone is shouting of pure happiness that the drought is finally over, that the water is fresh and delightfull, remember to tell me how you taste the hurt from my heart, in her mouth.
I will not be forgotten, whatever it takes.

When my name told me i was meant to be pure. I thought about how i blamed everyone who sullified me, knowing that the only one who poluted me was myself. Knowing that everything i have ever done was make myself less aproachable, more broken, more *****. less pure. I meant to destroy myself so i couldn't become a stereotype of my name. Now i am only expected to come spiralling down in a storm of dirt whenever i arrive.

When my name told me the truth, i thought i was the one doing the hurting, the damage. When all along i was the most hurt, broken and damaged. I am unsure of weather or not i deserve my name, but no matter what i will not be unsure of weather or not i am worthy of it.

Smooth edged walls means she's okay
Clouds smeared across the sky means she still loves me
A hard, cold floor means she's having fun
A big dining room table means she's in her own little world
Chandeliers mean that she's thinking about beautiful things
Soft water and a beautiful sunset means she's sleepy
Little ducks circling their perimeter means she's waiting
The reflection at the watertop means she's intimate
A vast and heavy blue means she's imagining me at peace
A modern bed means she wishes I was hers
A telephone on the wall means she's getting me to stop crying
Perfect makeup means she's sorry
Expensive food means she's trying to be happy for me
A double rainbow means she hopes everything will be okay
A long car ride means she's regretting it
A reflected balloon means our romance is over
One last videocall means she doesn't love me anymore
A dark night and a tearful phone call means I'm begging her
A small bottle of shark teeth means she's sorry
One song meant that she was lying the whole time
The broken bottle of shark teeth means she can go to Hell.

love loss?
more like blood loss -
got my wings then
shoved shocked
like a
dove tossed
to be shot - out of the sky
pushed and pulled between the lies
yeah there's nothing left once the trust is gone
and honestly
after i have had the
opportunity
to think -
i don't know if it ever even existed.
for example:
i have been digging for existence
building majestic castles in the clouds
un-wishing past convictions
and asking for forgiveness now.
but how? and by whom?
and why is the dungeon i'm in - my room?
and every single day it doesn't improve?
it worsens -
when it's just money and breath i have to lose -
I'll open a window if I need some new air -
I'll break through a window if I need some new gear -
I'd do just about anything to give you, what's fair -
but I'll stop right there
because life's not fair
you might get trampled by a stampede at the renaissance fair
just after you went and paid your fare, to stand right here
and wait your turn.
I say no. I say no.
ok maybe, I have no control as of lately.