it's raining and i can't help but
think about how funny it is that
even rain starts and stops and darling
last night i spent hours burning matches
that flickered and faded and left little
marks on my skin and everything
seems to come and go and believe me
i'm okay with that but you were the one
thing i was hoping would stay

i will go to hell and back
to prove that day 44
has been harder than day 1
and maybe i don't feel as much
but that's because everything good inside of me
has been replaced with numb

i so desperately wanted for you
to kiss the air back into my lungs,
to inject yourself into my bloodstream
until i understood how to feel 'alive'
not to love me
but to lust after me with the intensity
of a million thunderstorms
but instead
you dug graves into my bones
and buried me alive
with the thought of you

you are still made of
the same stardust
that used to light
my entire sky

but as the sun rises
the moon must fall
and the stars only know
how to follow

i'm all for metaphors
and lines of poetry
that make love seem
like a beautiful tragedy
but the truth is
i fell face down in the dirt
for a boy who had his head
too high in the clouds
to realise he was walking
all over me

I KNEW THAT I WOULD END UP LIKE THIS, WITH ****** KNEES, GRAZED PALMS, BROKEN BONES AND IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT DARLING I AM DONE FIGHTING I AM SICK OF BEING A SOLDIER COLD AND ALONE IN TRENCHES WHEN ALL I EVER WANTED WAS YOUR WARMTH

you were a cheap high
that never lasted long enough
and for ***** sake,
i am shaking like a recovering addict
without you around