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ecstatic, lateral / irrational longing
ticktock time bomb waiting for your
slack to tighten, get back to me

whiskey-stung bottom lip under
white sheets and thunder
hollow hands hold out heavy-
drowned secrets from my left lung
make the nights last longer
make the air even against the thought of what you sing when I'm leaving

recount the loudest bouts from which I crumble
worship one thigh at a time, my god
why don't they come with a warning;
the morning put stones on my bowing
another good reason to kiss you
another's lost lover, ocean story
red-wave cravings
I'll pay in great shades of grey & plunder
shave my legs and go
right back under
sunburnt stitches girl
you're early grasp I'm
itchy grass
& I can't, I'm mad
I can't I can and cannot stand
how it still goes
I keep quiet I
still walk barefoot on this shell-sharp sand
still crawl through the memory of your legs
back of the head regret, on top of another body
it's just coffee it's just
time after time
never the right amount of miles

I want to
stop loving you now
cause sometimes
I wish I could scream the word out loud
use your name
so they know all of these were always to you
3pm *****
a ballerina learning to slow-dance in jeans
is the stolid way you call me pretty

I've known better, never to settle
as I order another, please
I can forgive me
But we've just been kissing
& pity breeds missing you, weak

I'm never bored, never sorry
watch you pull me from the ground
much like those Macbeth witches
I could have guessed
you aren't around

but you talk like you're so sorry
only to wipe it off of your belt
Steel-toe folktale, go home
& tell it to somebody else
These thoughts flutter in my mind
Like butterflies through a field of daisies
On a hot summer afternoon in July
They warm my spirit like whiskey
But just the same they burn like fire
Tossing me around like clothes in a drier
So many words rest upon these lips
Yet not one can dance within the breeze
Choked by the fears that come so easily
I've found myself running as fast as I can
Away from the potential pain that could follow
As my heart lies heavy upon my chest
Something has blossomed inside of me
But I've left it to die like a rose in the desert
Nothing has moved me without you here
I've become stagnant, a tree in a storm
Unrooted by the gusts that carry thousands
Of pounds that are the same weight
On my shoulders through this life that I paved
I sink like an anchor into my own ocean
And graze like the calf still learning to grow
With all of this I can only find that I'm broken
Like a mirror cursing every step we take
Yet I hope that in turmoil I'll find my sun
The light that guides me to the joy that is Love
the heart knows what about love ?
that bleeding fiend, knows more about drums
ask my thumbs, ask my lungs

I'm holding a hand or
the back-end of the blade
& waiting, waning
away from away

We aren't made of sunsets
or cartwheel hangovers
I didn't find you standing under an apple tree & you never held me the longest
even when I prayed for it

a leftover beginning, midnight snack;
lie down under a beautiful stranger like you love her, like the air between the sweat & sheet meet my intention of a mouth doing everything at once isn't love but
somehow it's better
aren't you
sorry for leaving ?
I've dissolved like salt
because I've become it
I'm fluent now, in being silent

Paced myself over and over
breaths because I have to
naming them after you,
because I forgot what need was

flatline me another time, love
tonight so I can sleep &

these are weekends;
those are mouths meeting.
I'm going to quit calling it love
& call for a favor cause

the wave is wild like the whale
just ask her;
I'm riding all of them on
shoreline shoulders
a continent of rhetorical knuckles
buttoned toward my throat

no mercy in floating through the roof
it was never a boat that saved us
only bones
my moral roots
doing whatever you say
silver cup reflection
sip watcher
I'll have it, I'll take two now

let me die beside
something beautiful
even if it won't love me

& say thank you
a hundred times until tomorrow
good morning
late thought hangover
my mind can't wash it

I don't want to say
poetry
during poetry
but nothing helps, so

count down like a rocket
for something less than
a show of sparks
honey, it rains like we do it's
only March
shake it
Ashes turned to clouds hovered above my head
And like venom, their rain penetrated my veins
Seizing my heart, leaving me a lifeless mess
I squirmed and slithered through the gaps
That were left inside my decaying mind
In attempts to find the sanction I only knew
When I was safe inside his tender hold
Beneath the stars that spoke our sacred bond
But as quickly as the night would come
It would go and I could see the scars
I've hid from all that were blinded by the light
I was the foolish one, with a crack of a bottle
And the tip of my head, burning fire in my throat
A lost girl in your bed, trying to find the Truth
That I knew so well in your passionate gaze
Your mellifluous voice killed all the demons
Inside my skin, breaking my every bone
The years have passed like the seasons have
And I find that every snake you've killed
Have come back with this storm hovering me
Oh but I was the foolish one who buried you
And exposed my tattered soul in a whirlwind
With a drunken haze, that painted me blue
Yet I still hope in all the death I've seen
That all these things will be turned to gold
And the doves that flew inside our spirits
Would return and kiss our naked souls
Bringing shivers that spoke every silent word
gorgeous doesn't
do you
justice
when I just wished for the chorus
singing our lousy song, I
stayed up late with it
I
counted the sheep
they fell asleep
I'm
clutching the sheets
stop thinking there's a
Dreamgirl
quit pouring that red-cheek idea
down your throat
a few more
fast
the song should end soon
sore knee love
should end soon
professional pretender
bending blinks
more drinks, bartender
loving you gets
expensive
I'm paying with my
well-being
I'm being lied to by sunlight
cause I can't trust anything
after it leaves
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