the glasses through which I see the world
are painfully smashed
I see fault lines wherever I look
the faces of loved ones
blurred into anonymity
my own identity
blown to pieces
barely recognisable

I am lost in my own skin
seeing no way out
only broken glass
and shattered dreams

the light of my life
the cool glow coming from the
refrigerator

my emotions lurch
like a boat in a storm;
violent and unrelenting.
the time has come
to abandon ship
and sink to the inky depths
*calm at last

I have made a home
for the sadness living inside me
I have fed it with my fears
it has grown strong on my doubts
in return it gave me nothing
instead taking all it could;
my smiles
my strength
my sanity
until I am left barren and empty
a shadow of myself
a crumbling shell of a house
that depression claims as home

I pick at my sleeve
until the wool unravels
and think to myself
how much would it take
for me to unravel along with it?

when I was a little girl
my mother always said
"a boy is only mean when he likes you"

after all these years
maybe that is why
I cut and burn and bruise

I am loving myself
the only way I know how
in the way my mother taught