there are times in your life where it does not matter what horrible things lined the edge of your clouds. despite what it seemed like so often, sometimes you just can't take the silver out of the gray.
it's often things like this that remind me of my summers with you. awful and tainted by extremities and currents threatening to rip us in alternate directions, almost succeeding.
and yet i look back on them and i smile.
because, no matter what the stories are behind it or the after taste those days had, there was a lingering taste of sweetness.
whether it was sweet tea, freshly cut grass, chlorine, slurpees, smoothies, or coffee ice cream,
we always managed to wash down the sadness for a while.
even when silence rings louder than the words we didn't speak, the emotions speak louder than words, or pictures, will ever say.
that first summer, even on days where i felt my whole world was crumbled underneath my bare toes, drowning in the pool i drenched them in, i kept them in for another few moments with you. and those are the memories i look back on and smile. no matter what happened after or with other people.
and the second, i was gaining my footing but you somehow slipped. funny how unsteady ground can be, one foot from the other. and despite your falling, for other reasons or for someone else, i still see the time as peaceful. i'd never had what we had before with anyone else. not how we felt.
we've got another summer together approaching and this time i feel like i owe it to you. i think it's up to me to pull my **** together, despite my complaints, and grow up a bit. to bring you slurpees and suffer through heat just to sit for a while. to drain gas tanks and sit in parking lots at 4am to be able to talk. to hold hands through car washes or sing to each other or whatever else we did. i want it again and we'll have it. we'll figure it out.
you've always been my muse.
2/16/12.