Where are you when I need you?
where am I when you need me?
I'm already 5 seconds ahead of you
But you're no where in sight

I'm not ready to say goodbye
I'm not ready to watch him die
I'm not ready to hear I surrender and amazing grace flood my ears and fill my eyes
I'm not ready to go buy a black dress, wear to church, look my best
I need to add waterproof makeup to my list
I don't want to stain grandpas cheek with one last kiss
I'm scared, I'm crying
I'm loosing you, but a part of me is dying
I'm having flashbacks from when we played "the claw"
I see me and Allie hiding behind our door as you lurk in the hall
I see you thumbs up me every time I leave
I don't want you to go yet I'm not ready to grieve
I'm losing my best bud, "big fat moose", "your not so bright "
It's okay grandpa, you've fought your fight

I need a shoulder, or two.
I'm crying my eyes out and I don't know what to do.
I'm scared, not ready
I need you
I'm screaming on the inside
I don't know how to deal
Is this a dream I wish this wasn't real
I have to be strong I need to be strong
It's what I've been doing for so long
I see that death is real it's not a joke
I hate that others call it quits before it truly begins
I'm a first hand witness of the true voyage of death and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone
I'm struggling
I Amber, actually struggle would you look at that
I'm scared
I'm confused
I'm nauseous
I need you
I need someone

My mama don't like you and she likes everyone.

My Grandpa might not be a super hero, but he's my hero.
He's a soldier who's had to conquer many battles
He's a fighter and someone who loves with all
of his heart.
He's the "claw", and a best bud
Someone who may not function like everybody else but is able to bluntly tell it like it is.
I wanted him to be the one who walked me down the aisle on my big day.
God has made other arrangements for him.
It's hard loosing someone who's your fatherly figure, who stepped up when no one else would
I sit alone crying, thinking, hoping, praying.
My heart is so heavy and I don't know what to do or who to turn to.
I was 10 at my last funeral.
I'm now 21, I'm scared to face death, have it look me in the eyes like everything will be okay.
To sit in a crowd of black; I'm not ready for those things.
He's  my best bud, my claw, the one who tells
me he wants to see me graduate.
My motivation for success.
I'm crying now, and I just need saved.
Please save me, hold me tight, tell me it's okay.
I really wish God would let him stay.

He tells me to be patient you see but I'm lacking in that subject field
I'm just a girl with so much time and effort I hand out like its nothing
Hope floats at this point
While his lips hide behind his luminous joint
Like a plague you caught a hold of me and as my death wish I'd never let you go
You're friendship has all the time to grow
I hate knowing the thing that makes you unhappy are your own thoughts
With such a beautiful mind and a blackened heart
You haven't lost the race you just forgot how to start
I hope you find the happiness you've been pretending to have
I use to hope that happiness could be me
I hope one day you choose to live rather than to die
Because just like that you'd be gone in a blink of an eye
You're my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye, but if you ever choose to go id write your eulogy but I can't promise I won't cry
I'd mention you have the type of eyes you could look at for hours and still hear every last bit of a conversation
I'd mention your smile that's strangely contagious even more so your laugh
I'd mention how you'd always say focus up lets go as your hand moves to every word you say
I'd share how lucky a girl like me was to like a guy like you learning to like someone from the inside out, and how you're the first person I want to tell everything first to without a doubt
You've been some type of blessing and some type of curse, I hope one day it's not late enough; you figure out what you're worth

:)

You're like a star that feels too far fetched to grab.
You're like the Milky Way our solar system is lucky enough to have.
Like the many rovers that got lost out on Mars and the lonely satellites that circle around space,
You're someone that I could not replace.
Like Romeo and Juliet, you are the moon and i am the sun.
Like an eclipse coming and going as you please
Spinning in an axis, our two souls are never at ease.