Into the pit of your darkness I stare
Even way up here I can see your despair
Never thought I'd muster the courage to dare
To save you from your hellish affair
In the depths of your chaos I wander
Searching for you seemed like forever
But I found my strength in your love so tender
Finding light when both our hands are together

Ah, I was once someone's saviour
I was once your saviour
But now I needed saving

During the wee hours of the night
I used to sleep whenever I want
My mind at ease, heart contented
Not a single worry as I close my eyes peacefully

Now it's almost sunrise
My thoughts are all over the place
Help! I want to rest without anxiety
I just want to be me again

"I still remember crying myself to sleep.
Begging for mercy.
Looking for assurance.
Searching for peace.
Seeking for answers on the dying ruins of the once beautiful haven.
All because she left.

But it never came. So I set out to find it myself."


"Have you found it?"


"No. I don't think I will. But I rebuilt the paradise we once traversed together albeit alone. Perhaps in hopes that she will return one day and she will find this place home again."

If you go too far beyond reach
Your memory will rest on my mind
And I will take the time to preach
Of the euphoria I seem to always find
Though your presence I cannot grasp
What you left behind will always remain
And in your hand's place mine I will clasp
In hopes that one day I'll find you again on a distant domain

The last words I heard as her life is slipping out of her grasp
Is the irony caused by my weakness in the past

"I'll lay out your punishment foolish boy.
Live. Go find a reason to live.
So when you're afraid of death again,
You are finally ready and allowed to die."

Amidst all the things unfolding anew
My only wish is I wish I hadn't lost you

I hope you'll end up in the hands of an artist that will continue to make you shine
Someone who'll treasure and build you up
Who shares the same dream as mine

You were beat up, bruised, wounded, and far from perfect back then
Then I wished for God to take away pieces of me and stitch you whole again
And boy did you shine, ravishingly, into an art that enamored me
But you got so beautiful the heavens decided you're no longer for me
So only for a while, let me abhor you for the tears in the wake of your leaving
Because how could I ever truly hate the masterpiece I painstakingly made an effort in creating

Learning to forgive you is an emotional roller coaster
You slip through my thoughts every now and then
I think of times when I wished our love we can always foster
Reminisce the warmth of those memories over and over again
But as I tread the fine line between acceptance and rage
I oftentimes end up in tears when you stay in my head
But the chapters we both wrote are worth every page
And I relive every word as I lie awake in bed

I cursed my existence
I also cursed yours
I'm wishing you well
I'm wishing you ill
I know it is love
And it is incomplete
But someday I'll look in your eyes
Once again after a long time
Harboring all the grief
Manifesting all the sadness
Venting all the anger
But I'll let out a genuine smile
And that's how I'll know
My love is finally complete
Because I finally forgave you

Somewhere in the not so distant past
The fires of life burned and granted us our wishes
And although we have not a single clue
That the cinders would eventually turn even us to ashes
We lived in hopes of eternal flame
And at the moment the past was still the present
Foolish it may seem, but we wanted nothing to change
For how could we desire change when the horrors of life seemed nonexistent

Yes we grow, we become stronger
But at the cost of us losing a part of ourselves in the process
As we discard ourselves to feed the flames
We keep the fires burning that masks our weakness
We cling to the past for hope in desperate times
For it was hope that once drove us to grow wings and reach greater heights
We hope that maybe life's not so cruel after all
That maybe we're strong enough keep the treasures we found in our flights

We never know what the future holds
Maybe things really happen for a purpose and for a reason
And we slowly rekindle the flames we lost
In the hearts of the people that keep us company each passing season
But for a moment in time somewhere in the not so distant past
We have everything we could want and could ever need
In the end, maybe some of us are not prisoners of the past after all
But rather, grieving connoisseurs of the life we lost and can only recall

There will come a time when someone accuses you of telling lies
And they'll try to hurt you with their heartless words and judging eyes
Even if the world turns on you and won't believe a word you say
And even if they make you wear a crown of thorns for their sick play
I will stand and be the one to wipe away those tears you shed
And when someone's hurt you let me be the arms you lean instead
Even if all hope is lost and somehow I'm forced to fade away
And even if I disappear I know that things will be okay
I'll become eternal and will live on in your memory
I'll never forget you and I hope you will remember me
You're my dearest treasure and for you I'll take my heart and soul and I'll risk it all

My life was crippled the instant you're gone
Letting you go was the hardest decision I've done
In my eyes, the world halted to a standstill
You made me realize my heart was fragile

Now you're moving on and facing tomorrow
You've grown so much even after all the sorrow
I love you and I hate you are contradictories
But they're the thoughts that remained when I remember the memories

I abhor you for giving up on the dreams we built together
Leaving a burden on my soul I will carry forever
But I love you enough support you with the words I can never tell
And I still love you even after we both bid our farewell

I wish she looked at me
Like she looks at you
When I set her free
She came running back to you

Though you broke her heart
She desperately clung to you
I tried to fix her every part
If she only had a clue

When I finally patched her up
I finally figured out
I'll never measure up
'Cause you're the one she shouts

With every ounce of my being
In my heart I stayed true
I only dreamed of one thing
I just wished I was you

I miss the smile that hides a million tears
I miss the smile that drove away my fears
I miss the smile that tells me "it's okay"
I miss the smile that tells me you'll stay

I miss the smile that urged me to be the best
I miss the smile that taught how to rest
I miss the smile that gave me inspiration
I miss the smile I loved the most without question

Oh that smile, that precious smile
Take me back to your wondrous smile
Back when I didn't have anything
But it felt like I had everything

Separated by circumstances
I'm facing the consequences
I wish I could relive every moment
When life was good to me and I'm genuinely contented

I never meant to, but I failed to notice the struggles you've been through
I never meant to, but I left you all alone in the chaos that befell you
I never meant to, but I caused you so much pain and sorrow
I never meant to, but I took away the life that once blossomed within you

I walked the roads we used to take
Ponder on the conversations we used to make
Back when this emptiness isn't what I feel
Everything's so distant I sometimes wonder if it's real


How did you, the one who once shared my soul, become a mere stranger
It doesn't make sense that we can't be together
If only I could be there when you needed me the most
Then maybe I wouldn't feel so lost

I just wasn't finished loving you
.
.
.
.
Maybe I never will

It was an odd start with my anxious heart
But I figured I'd be seeing you so I won't fall apart
Time went by and all I did was stare at you
It's one of the usual things that I loved to do
But then, without a clue, you brought me to the library
Still can't believe I'm spending time with you casually
We talked, shared laughs, you smiled, and an my heart skipped a beat
I always dreamt of reliving those moments on repeat
Then you pulled out your phone and started drawing
Showed me three letters I didn't know the meaning
Then I saw you shaking a little and I instantly knew
But I'm still awestruck because it was a dream come true
I read "YES" and I don't know what to make of it
I didn't want to assume but I'm certain how fast my heart beat
And in the midst of my denial you assured me
We're officially together and my mind's screaming internally
We held hands and I couldn't say a thing
Words won't come out because I'm still processing
I don't even know if there are words that would suffice
But I know I am the happiest man, and no one can tell me otherwise
As we walked home doing our usual routine
I just can't contain the joy and contentment I have within
I remembered all the times we were together
And the moments we shared that I'll treasure forever
I silently promised I will never leave you on your own
And to always keep you happy and never make you feel alone
As we bid our goodbyes that unforgettable night
I kept thinking about us even after you faded from my sight

Now a year has passed and still to this day
That was still a promise I can never throw away
Today I commemorate that fragment of my being
But this time with tears of sadness and depression creeping
Because I have lost you despite of my efforts to keep you from leaving
As I struggle to remember who I was before you broke me
I am forced to live and accept the horrible reality
Why did you have to leave when everything's okay
The blissful moments we had you casually threw away
As I wish to reminisce the days when you were mine
Let me treasure the memories on the day before valentine

From nothing to something
Is what he's been dreaming
An empty soul once wandering
Searching for meaning
Devoid of direction
Not a blow nor ambition
Until he found a destination
And sensed a tinge of emotion

Who is this goddess that stirs him so?
A picturesque lady the fates endow
Blessing in disguise, but little did he know
About the tragic curse at the end of this show

From nothing came something
Something he deemed worth treasuring
Became strong so he can keep protecting
The one thing that kept him going
But he was naive
For the life he chose to believe
Faded into something he cannot achieve
What's left of him was so lost, he cannot retrieve

"Why did you come to my life
If I'm going to lose you anyway?
Why did you nonchalantly throw away
The broken pieces I gave up to make sure you're okay?"

I remember the bliss I once felt

Whenever I see you in perfect light

I remember how my heart melt

When I saw you smile at first sight

I remember the poems I used to make

When you're slowly trying a fresh start

I remember doing my best for your sake

When your world is slowly falling apart

I remember the subtle affection

When we held each other's hand

I remember the perfect connection

When we decided we'd make a stand

I remember the sweet kisses and laughter

When we'd go on our lowkey date

I remember accompanying you after

When we'd both go home late

I remember excitement all over the place

When we talk about our dreams

I remember the goals we planned to chase

When doing it together is the way, it seems

I remember the consequences I had to stake

When I thought our love will stay beautiful

And I remember the unbearable heartache

When the good memories became painful

After all the promised words in the spur of the moment
The lies laid bare in my eyes, I knew you lack commitment
The sincere efforts to make you feel you're all I wanted
All in vain, gone with the wind, and regretfully wasted
The peace of my life slowly left me chasing after you
Heart shattered, broken to pieces, can never be made new

Like the wind you blew past me
Leaving a trail of your luscious scent
Entiscing me to come after you
Convincing me that you are godsent

Like the wind you brought a breeze
That took me to a breathtaking view
Gently caressing me with your touches
Now I can't imagine a world without you

Like the wind, you kept me chasing
Promising a future with you and me
Hoping that we'll make it happen
I tried so hard to always keep you happy

But like the wind you brewed up a storm
That left me crippled, unable to stand
But everything must come to and end
And I had to let go of your hand



And just like the wind, you were gone
Because just like the wind, I'm bound to set you free

I asked her,  "why do you love God?"
I received a predictably vague answer

"Because he loved me when I couldn't love myself,
He was there for me when nobody else was,
He stayed in my worst and he never left,
And he gave me the strength when my life was falling apart."

Tears rolled down my eyes
And with a painful smile I silently thought

"I did love you when you couldn't love yourself,
I was there for you when nobody else was,
I stayed at your worst and I never left,
And I was there to help you up when you were falling apart.
But...
But I'm not God.
And that's why you fell out of love. And you chose to leave."

As I sat in the corner crying
Remembering all the moments we've been through
Lost in madness thinking
You gave up on us when I did not give you reasons to

Because
I
Am
Not
God

I woke up from a nightmare
It kept me awake the rest of the night
I remember flashes of you
Hurting so bad as I continued to fight
Are all my efforts in vain?
In trying to fix us hoping for a chance
It broke my heart to pieces
To see you crying when I stole a glance
All the chaos in my head bursted
I told you the things I never had the courage to tell you
And yet the worst part is
I realized I have to give you up even though I don't want to

I had a vision of you and me living happily
To my surprise, my vision became our reality
We did everything together, we were inseparable
We loved what we had and it's undeniable

But slowly the vision so clear to me, in your eyes became blurry
And I had to carry you so you wouldn't trip and you wouldn't leave me
Now I bear the burden of fixing the broken pieces that fell apart
Alone, bruised, wounded, in desperate need of your once loving heart

But the load was too heavy so I had to let you go thinking it'll be better
Little did I know, the chain of memories latched onto me like tether
Now I'm traversing shackled, feeling even heavier each passing day
Wondering why did you have to leave me when everything was okay

Slowly put together the pieces of my broken world
Only to fall apart in an instant because of your heartless words
I tried so hard to build up the happiness I lost
I should've known that happiness comes at a cost
Why does it feel so wrong to keep the peace I wanna obtain?
What the hell did I do to deserve this kind of pain?
Somebody, please tell me what should I feel?
I'm tired of holding back the feelings that I deem real

We don't know what our futures hold
Don't let our feelings remain untold
Take some time to express our feeling
Because time is gold, but it is fleeting
For one day, we might've just wasted
The chances we've taken for granted

Then we'd have bittersweet memories
Haunting the pages of our allegories
For we lost what we treasure the most
Because we did nothing when we had the every single opportunity to keep them at all cost

When was the last time you genuinely felt okay?
How long has it been since happiness slipped away?

Do you still have hope that everything will turn out fine?
Or did despair finally swallow the light that used to shine?

How long do you have to fight for battles you cannot win?
How much more should you give up before you finally give in?

Tell me. After all this time, are you still in pain?

Am I expecting too much?
Your feelings that I can't renew
All I ever wanted was
To hear you say "I love you"

Amidst all the chaos you've caused me
I found my peace in your broken promises
Despite all the pain and agony
I remembered the feeling of your gentle kisses

Even when you constantly break my heart
I found the joy in the thought of your presence
In the wake of the confusion you impart
The euphoria once felt in your love's essence

In desperation this is my last resort
I'll love you even harder no matter the cost
Even if my efforts somehow fall short
I'll cherish the love you had but eventually lost

Life is strange
It teaches you
The value of things
You've taken for granted
After they're already gone

But sometimes
When you have learned
Cared for those you love
Treasured every chances
They still somehow slip away

The words won't come out right
My feelings making my heart tight
I wish I can somehow get through you
If you only had the slightest clue

I cried behind your back
In agony, as you tear up my soul
I loved you even harder
Even when I looked like a fool

I never counted the things I did for you
But ******* I wish you knew
How much it cost me
To love you unconditionally

If I could know why you're hurting
I'll whip up the words you need
To give you all the comfort
So you wouldn't hurt on your own

If I could feel what you're feeling
I'd be crushed by colossal emotions
But I'd be glad I'll be able
To make you feel you're not alone

If I could catch a glimpse of everything
I'll find the crumpled pages
You desperately try to tear
And write it all in chapters unknown

If I could know what I'm missing
I'll love you even harder
To make up for my flaws
So we won't be strangled by the mistakes we can't atone



If only I could do all these things



But you wouldn't let me

The thought of you gives me chills
Every part of you brings in thrills
I always knew you're out my league
But a future with you? I'm intrigued
Anxiety, wash clean this blank slate
Euphoria, paint me the colors of fate
For I'd risk more than I could take
To be with you when everything's at stake

I thought I would finally find my peace in you
But you ended up being another battle I have to win

Cry, my heart, 'til your tears dry up
Let the pain resonate all throughout
The sorrows in your lonely screeches
Silence extends her cleansing reaches

Sunny skies fill up this gloomy haven
Distant spring wash away the burden
Venture forth into lands forsaken
Breathe life into my soul forgotten

You loved the way I make you smile through subtle jokes
You loved the way I make you laugh with humor
You loved the way I go through great lengths to make you feel special
You loved how I spend my time with you when you're down
You loved how I keep you company when you're alone
You loved how I treasure you like a precious jewel


But you never loved me
And I still hope I made you happy

I remember that it hurt when I thought I can't have you
But it hurts even more now that I might lose you
So if I had the choice, I'm keeping you forever

Exposed, laid myself bare
Empty-handed in a battle hardfought
A storm of emotions wreaked havoc
The sea of madness keeps calling
Rage intensifies, mind going blank
Adrenaline rushing through my veins
One by one they fall down
Little by little I'm worn out
Hopelessness far beyond the horizon
As horrible realizations appear
Powerlessness, tearing me apart
In the vast wastelands of emptiness
Where I'll stand my ground
Beaten, exhausted, and lifeless
I tried but I'm not good enough and I failed

I went to such great lengths to keep you happy
Now I'm broken and tired and no one's fixing me up
So I gotta fix myself

Ripped apart a piece of me
Tried to show my vulnerability

Now I'm wounded and hurting
Hardly anyone is ever noticing

So for a while I'll be in isolation
Try to stop this aching sensation

For time heals wounds they say
There will come a better day

What sets the great apart?
Raw skill, sheer talent?
Hard work, determination?
Passion, perseverance?
Focus, unbending will?
Maybe a bit of luck?

It is the character my dear
Confidence without arrogance
Be still and humble my friend
Knowledge favors those who yearn for it

Spent my day feeling something's missing
Woke up late and you're all I'm remembering
Did the laundry while doing a lot of thinking
A familiar sensation suddenly starts ringing
Your presence is one thing I'm not forgetting
There's joy in my heart when I see you smiling
Making you happy is one of my life's calling
Everytime I look at you I just keep wondering
How I ended up with such luck, it's amazing
The thought of you is the treasure I'm keeping
Everything about you I just can't stop longing
And all these words have only one meaning
I can't own you, your life is yours for the taking
But there's a part of me in you that I'm leaving
That's why if I have the choice, it's you I'll always be holding
I love you and every single thing about you, Mai everything

What should I say?
Is there something I can do?
I don't know the reason
But something's troubling you

Your mind is in pieces
Your spirit is shattered
Your body is aching
And I know you are tired

I can't do anything
I feel like I'm powerless
But I hope my words reach you
And you'll come to your senses

Be strong but take a rest
Be kind, as you've always been
Be brave but careful
And still love ever so genuine

You're gorgeous, you're beautiful
And ever so wonderful
You're obviously amazing
And you inspire the hopeful

These words may not mean much
But they're all I have to offer
So I hope you'll shine even brighter
When the rain is finally over

I see emptiness in her eyes as she slowly loses her self.
So much sorrow, so much pain, that her smile can no longer disguise.
I feel the bitterness engulf her and the loss of the will to live.
And I remember that it hurt. It hurt more than it should.
To see her so broken and lifeless and devoid of passion.
I couldn't do anything but hope my words will get through her.
That somehow, she'll muster the strength she needs to overcome.
That the tribulations and things she struggle with are temporary.
I tried telling her that despite all the hardships, I got her back.
But the words won't come out right because deep inside I know I love her.
And I love her enough to selfishly want her to live a life she won't regret.
Someone please tell me, will things eventually get better?
If not, will somebody give her happiness in exchange for my own?