I used to hate the taste of coffee. I used to scrunch my nose at the bitter taste and I'd only drink it if it was flavoured or loaded with sugar.

Now I take the first sip of scalding coffee and sigh in relief as it burns my throat and I get my fix.

As I've grown older I've gotten more bitter so I don't hate coffee anymore and find myself craving the bitter bean juice, just as I find myself craving our bitter relationship.

But since I can't satisfy that craving, I'll stick with the coffee instead.

– I Used to Hate Coffee // F.C.

I used to hate the smell of cigarettes and coffee.

But now I've become familiarised to it and actually find myself longing for the scent

I’ve grown to love the smell just as I've grown to love you.

When you would kiss me it tasted of stale cigarettes and bitter coffee with a hint of whisky.

I used to be disgusted by it but now I find myself intoxicated by your kisses

The farther you pushed me away the more I wanted to be near you.

Now you've gone

And I've never felt closer to the very thing that ruined me;

The very thing that left me craving bitter coffee and stale cigarettes

– Stale Coffee and Bitter Cigarettes // F.C.

My head feels heavy
It sways side to side
This relationship isn't healthy
It feels like a rising tide

You left me so broken
I felt so empty inside
You played a game and I was a token
This was a crazy ride

Now I sit here and ponder
As I'm drunk on the bathroom floor
What would happen if I wander?
Would you slam the door?

I decided to text you
And apologize for my wrongs
I didn't know what else to do
I've missed you for too long

I finally get closure
I delete you from my life
And I finally gain composure
You cannot longer cause me strife
                                            
Thank you for the lessons you taught me
I know now what I don't want
I'm now content as can be
I don't mean to flaunt

This was the way
You wanted to go
You didn't want to stay
Now I can finally grow  

So thank you for all of your teachings
What we had was once nice
I will now be preaching
And taking a chance by rolling the dice.

– Closure // F.C.

My love was not completely fulfilled
My confidence is just a mask,
I try to speak; no words come out.
I deny emotions and the pain they bring.
I protect myself, no matter the cost.
I smile hoping that it will stop.
My Wonderland is inside my head
But, darling this is not Wonderland,
And I am not Alice.
I’m a grenade. I will explode.
I long for the day to say:
“I too was once a tragedy.”

– Protecting Myself from Emotions // F.C.

You never gave me any closure
You left before I could even say goodbye
All my tears were wasted on the thought of you,
The thought that I wasn’t good enough.

Atelophobia, they call it; the fear of imperfection
Or thinking you aren’t good enough.
Making it harder for you to have relationships.
You made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you.

I thought it was my fault you left
But in reality you left, because
You weren’t willing to put in the effort to stay.
Leaving the burden to fall onto me.

I wanted you to stay
I wanted you to love me
But you had other plans in mind
Leaving was easier for you.

I fell in your trap
Believing that you loved me
But it was all a lie
Making me think it was all my fault…

You said you didn’t want to hurt me,
But you still continued to walk out the door
It took me months to finally see,
That you were not the one meant for me.

The sharp, bitter taste of alcohol burns my throat,
But it numbs the pain for a short while.
It helps me forget
But you’re the one thing that stays on my mind.

They call it liquid courage
Because it give you an excuse
To do and say all the things you couldn’t while sober

I constantly think of texting you,
What I would say, what I would do.
I thought about what I would reply if you were to text me first
But it never happened, so I lay here with a constant thirst.

I needed a reason to justify sending you the texts
That I am sure I will regret in the morning
But it still doesn’t stop me now
So I take another drink.

As I sit here hazed
And waiting for a reply, that I’m not sure will come
I think “why wasn’t I good enough”
“What more could I have done?”

– Liquid Courage // F.C.