You never gave me any closure
You left before I could even say goodbye
All my tears were wasted on the thought of you,
The thought that I wasn’t good enough.

Atelophobia, they call it; the fear of imperfection
Or thinking you aren’t good enough.
Making it harder for you to have relationships.
You made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you.

I thought it was my fault you left
But in reality you left, because
You weren’t willing to put in the effort to stay.
Leaving the burden to fall onto me.

I wanted you to stay
I wanted you to love me
But you had other plans in mind
Leaving was easier for you.

I fell in your trap
Believing that you loved me
But it was all a lie
Making me think it was all my fault…

You said you didn’t want to hurt me,
But you still continued to walk out the door
It took me months to finally see,
That you were not the one meant for me.

The sharp, bitter taste of alcohol burns my throat,
But it numbs the pain for a short while.
It helps me forget
But you’re the one thing that stays on my mind.

They call it liquid courage
Because it give you an excuse
To do and say all the things you couldn’t while sober

I constantly think of texting you,
What I would say, what I would do.
I thought about what I would reply if you were to text me first
But it never happened, so I lay here with a constant thirst.

I needed a reason to justify sending you the texts
That I am sure I will regret in the morning
But it still doesn’t stop me now
So I take another drink.

As I sit here hazed
And waiting for a reply, that I’m not sure will come
I think “why wasn’t I good enough”
“What more could I have done?”

– Liquid Courage // F.C.