dream dream dream
of
me
me
me

let's meet in our sleep
forgive me for all of the things
I never do

you speak a love language
I don't know

I wish I had the heart to love you
the way you deserve to be loved
I can't comprehend

there's no ending
I reach into the void
no one ever reaches the abyss

I wish I had the brain to understand you
the way you deserve to be listened to
I can't love

living in the void
there's no beginning to this ending

things sometimes feel good
sometimes I feel like I love you
love the moment we're living inside

so I wish to never give it up
let's stay here

don't want to leave here
I want to be with you
inside this moment

we could hold hands virtually
I'll send you my heart through an email
I hope you never go
send me a message soon

I want to wake up to your notification
I want to sleep to your goodnight text

I'm right here for you
whenever you want
wherever you are

right here
right here
right here

Pages rippling,
Quickly pushing through the years
My mind is a casino shuffling machine
Rapid fire, every card is
Every face bleeding through
Anchored memories, subsurface stillness
Reality is the crooked blade--

I now realize
I was always looking for
Everything that wasn't them
Different hair, different eyes
Why are they all blurring together

Old slides on a movie screen
Staring back at me.
Vindictive, hostile, blaming.
I was scrambling for the ideal of novel,
New and transposed.

Enough to break me down into molecules,
Toss me into atoms
Throw my essence against the starstuff and dark spaces between--

But there is no ripple effect.

No unseen unclothing me.

The faces keep bleeding through
I keep wading, riffling, sifting through the sands of time

It falls;
Between and all
around me.

.
Blush the sky with teardrop rips,
let the blood flow free
to spill 'pon the cheeks and fall,
creating puddles of coy crimson.
A mind slowly disintegrates,
no-one tries to halt the decline
and it washes away reason,
the victim unable to resist submission.
Corpuscular clashes with synaptic
and the result transforms tragedy
from the root of all sadness
into an icon of blind worship.
The teardrops freeze on a blank face
that masks a venomous enemy
wrapped in a Hood of poison
that swallows the blushing sky.
A cage of pitch black threads
patiently studies the inner pendulum,
the tick tock of search and destroy,
time weaving its panic dark webs.
Psychotic anxiety in the waiting room
as horses dance on candle flames,
the Knight checkmates his own King,
the pawn is an easily taken prisoner.
The coy puddles of crimson burst,
shattering the mask to reveal another,
a shadow-hand coils its claim,
and the journey begins, cometh the Hood.



© Pagan Paul (11/08/19)

I would've loved it here
love the sky
and the dirt filled sidewalks

the glimmer of the city lights

I'd love these rough walls
if I had a different skin

I'd love the wind
if I had a different tongue

I'd love the clouds
and the strange cars passing by
after midnight

how the mountains close me in
I hold my breath

I'd love to live here
staring out to the the blinking red lights

I don't belong to myself
I belong to the lights shining on my face

I'd live here
if love existed within

my heart
spent years trying to find it

eating it away
falling into the same old street light
I would've loved it

if I was a different person