yes I know I need some love
but it shows up like sudden rain
and I then wonder if
I  should delight myself in it

all these years gone by
the lies and the pain
then I ponder
if I could love again

the hide and seek
of the clouds and the sun
the warmth and drizzles
change my plans again

the mirror has been spoilt
shows me strangers
in its sight of the demons
i had slain

as I sit on the stairs of my home
in the silence and alone
I think of you
and it makes me smile in vain

if we had the ability
to keep a copy
of the people we loved
with us

a version of them
the way we remember
and if we could let go
the parts we could never fix

maybe then, we could breathe
maybe then we could move
past love that probably never was

maybe then we could.
just be.

When you feel the bed, the sheets
the room silent, cool
you can hear the sound of rustles

Aching for your hands on my back
nails that gently scratch
warm breath on my ear

I wanna stretch you open
and fill you deep
as you turn back to look into my eyes

And bite my finger hard
to stop from screaming out
and let out a shudder

You don't realise yet
that i was just getting started
and the rest of the day
you will be sore and tender

Disappointed i am
for i was dropped
like a potato
not that i was hot

Disappointed i am
for i was given heat
as i had erred
not that i was ****

Disappointed i am
for i lost the man
i used to see in the mirror
not that i can recognise anymore

Disappointed i am
for the time lost
in learning to love
and to have lost it all

Disappointed i am
while the world tries so hard
to put a smile and be grateful
and know its a slow death for us all

Starting again, staring at a blank page
Was this going to be a ramble, about a gamble?
Nah nah… it was just me, trouble
Cmon, start even if it's just a preamble

Words they are just that. Words
Can never capture the real world
Actions and guilt, sorrow and spilt milk
There you go, now you have an ensemble

Its season 3 with a similar plot
The casts different but protagonists not
Promising beginnings and shattered trust
Ah this is familiar, you are back in the temple

Please go in
Please go back

I am so sorry
That i ever wished
Wished something
Wished anything at all

Please go back
Take everything back

Little did i know
That you would
Make it all happen
Yes it did. And more than that

Please go back
And send me back

The first time i felt
This sun lit world
The smell and sound
The tastes and touches

Why do i wait
The rest of my breaths
Waiting to feel it
Once again

Please go back
And take me back with you

Born. Once again.
Air filling in my wet lungs.
Cant open these eyes.
Even if they did, i cant see

The skin, the hair
Are my only shields
And the sun and rain
Will make them hold me in

Oh my lessons from the past
Why cant i learn from them yet
I keep coming back
Just to see the sun set.

I grow in size
But my soul it seems
Is just a balloon
Holding all my sins

A day then comes
Of my final gasps
A check out bill of things
i lost and grasped

Again.

as i wander this city alone
wiping the sweat of my brow
and see the dust and grime
on my kerchief as i wipe my face

the mind it seems to be distant
sees your eyes and smile
feels your warm hand
and aches for your light kisses

the loud noises here
the soot filled air
its just the body here
as my soul is with you there

the day passes too slow
and the nights dont let me know
time teases me with its two hands
making me wait for your love

so you create me
and show me the beauty
of your other creations
then desire fills me

the needs and wants
pain and joy
prayers and pleading
then the lessons of karma

and then back to the dust
did i ask to be created?
or is this a game you play
to **** your boredom

i dont want your grace
your bliss or pity
my only request not a prayer
just uncreate me

this party has been good
the people, learning truths from lies
some laughter, some cries
but its the time in between

those are the toughest times
conversations of my mind
as i sip the spirits of thoughts
in these bars of time and space

mingling with the crowd
of solitude, despair and hope
i keep looking for the exit
and suddenly meet you at the door

Am on a new drug
guess its working
a placebo for my condition
my reflection a little less hazy

her words guide me on
prayers i think they are called
take me to the other side
breathing becomes easy

thought i saw land
or was it a glimmer at a distance
should i row towards it
or let the sail take me there

my feet firm to the ground
gravity so unkind
but the bright colored balloon
wants to unwind

the weight of my body
digging in
the string holding it
in my palm so thin

i am jealous of its sways
and it's free spirit
i release the balloon
wishing i was it

as i see it soaring away
into the skies
i look down to the ground
back again to all the lies

i held her hand
the transfer of warmth to cold
she smiled and glanced aside
should i continue to hold

the hesitation in her mind
like a boat being told
to trust the sail
and throw away the oars

i wonder each day
aching to know
what she meant when she said
go with the flow

you can hardly see it coming
as it starts forming, builds its rise
you see it
almost too late

its coming your way
it picks up speed
gonna slam in to you
almost too fast

then you hold your ground
the sand below your feet
running towards it
almost feels like fate

and then as the wave hits
you find yourself still standing
you feel blessed and realise
its only your faith

no walls
no ground
no boat

pitch black
no direction
trying to stay afloat

no coordinates
no echoes
sound of my own breath

no time
no lapse
no life. no death.

sharp pain
and joyous bliss
boredom of the futile wait

pain a color of million shades
yes, i have worn a few
some tints darker, some light
some old, some new

i was empty in the beginning
but realised something so true
and as the pictures started forming
life is not all that blue

pick the colors in the pallete
that make a picture so true of you
you have just one canvas
before you bid adieu

the dawn it feels different
the weight on my bed gone
i can still feel the warmth
i realise its just my own

i hear the chirps outside
the traffic sounds thin
getting up from the dead weight
of thoughts of what could have been

as the warm water clears my mind
the muscles spring back to life
i plan to make this morning
a new chapter without strife

i met her in another city
an early breakfast
warm sun in the cool breeze
even the day turned out pretty

the cups and cutlery sailed
the sea of the table between
our thoughts too far
a lot remained to be seen

where was this going
would this turn into a tale
we already had our own journey
didnt know if we shared a trail

glowing faces
staring at their phones
oblivious to this plane
although they are not alone

these worlds of words
offer a new form of hope
pings, nudges and forwards
long distances can afford

leaving us surprised
at how close we get
untrue in our real world
thats the only regret

have you seen life
in a single light
would things be all
black or white

good or bad
flight or fight
would it be easy
to do whats right

heart or mind
plight or might
would you know
to feel day from night

all your breaths, all your sighs
all the tears of joy and slight
you just realise now
there is no black or white

in middle of this ocean
in a boat without an oar
no land in the distance
this silence is a roar

no gulls flying by
no fish in the sea
no storm either
this was not melancholy

neither day or night
nor dusk or dawn
why did you put me here
am i just your pawn

i opened my eyes
the room had turned smaller
walls closing in
air much more warmer

I lit up a mild
my mood anything but
scattered thoughts
one more cigarette stub

there was a small window
next to the mirror
there was no door to this room
how the hell did i get here

finally i open my hand
letting go of hers
the grip, muscles and veins
blood rushed in fast

liberated i felt
she dissapeared so quick
like a ghost in a hurry
my mind now not so thick

a deep breath dives in
my lungs exhale quietly
she was the muse for my verse
amused its over. it was terse.

we sat across, eyes entwined
our thoughts making love
i am not surprised
the pause, it got pregnant

the smile, the eyes
tilted head on the side
we did not need words
our bodies mere remnant

the sight and the smell
sounds of ground coffee
it broke the spell
we left the cafe repentant

standing on the edge
of this empty well
looking within i had planned
to end it all, maybe end it well

the deep bottom i see
is dry, parched and old
skeletons of desperate souls
my brothers who jumped before

the well was full once
brimming with the village soul
it quenched the thirst
was more than a watering hole

my body is weak and bone is dry
the thirst is gone
the lines on my face
tell my story wry

the rope still hanging
on the pulley loose
used to bring up water
now it has turned into a noose

How dare I
put pen to paper
talk about your god
with a caricature

this is where i laugh or cry
this is where i get scared
i am wondering now
who is really mad

i think i am losing it
i can’t see any difference
between a religion
or a mental institution

You are going to send me
to heaven or hell maybe
i get your message now
Oh this is blasphemy!

the moon it hides
behind the high rises
of this noise
bumps and grime

he probably knows
the evenings of the souls
getting plyed home
to their pigeon holes

for when he retires at dawn
they start again with vigour
dreaming of better days
they race without a trigger

hypnotized they seem
this rat race has no pity
careful not to blink here
this is maximum city

some days are empty
some days so full
i have become a sieve
filtering residual love

i get filled up with beauty
but the joy passes so soon
am left with memories clinging
on the perforations of my soul

wish i was impervious
or how i wish i was open
holding back or letting go
is such a heavy burden

wake up
i told myself
wake up
the day is here

wake up
it may be different
wake up
it may actually be real

rise
it will be worth it
rise
it will be true

rise
it will have a meaning
rise
its all you have to do

branches, flowers and fruits
they dont weigh me down
the soil has been my mother
my roots are soaked in brown

summer burnt me over
winter stripped me down
monsoon was my lover
almost always out of town

time it passed so quickly
from the day i was once sown
yes i did wonder sometimes
reasons for which i was born

years turned and twisted me
but i still wear my crown
i am bent but not fallen
is that why you axe me now

so he asks the master
why me. why now.
i dont feel like putting up a fight

you throw roses at me
i bleed from the thorns as i pick them
you seem to delight in my plight

who am i said the master
to cause anything
the roses are yours
and the thorns too
from your seeds within

the rose will give you
a glimpse of the divine
the thorn will remind
you to stop saying "it's mine..."

saw a ghost today
floating around the town
looking for love in the wrong places
he was dead but not gone

saw a ghost today
he could still shed a tear
with sighs of exasperation
his loved ones only felt fear

saw a ghost today
he was drinking by the sea
glass after glass he drank
to get rid of his sobriety

saw a ghost today
he was smiling at me
through the mirror he said
hey there! how have you been?

the smog filled breeze
fleeting thoughts of you
head's feeling heavy
the new years here too

the past months weeks
and the recent days
tormented souls
the maddening craze

i had held my breath
now its a good time to exhale
its time to let go
and start a new trail

i m wearing black
and so is she
wanting to dissapear
in this night of revelry

miles apart we smile
amidst the niceties
holding our drinks
high on memories

the spirits have a mixer
of my feelings tonite
i hope they reach you
at the speed of light

it all begins with a capital
noun and verb
no commas just words
three of them
wish you heard

and they all applauded
at the holy union
dressed in their best
all congratulations

bright flashes.
cliques of pictures
same old rituals
of society's preachers

the audience of near ones
ghosts of dear ones
all seem present here
crossing their fingers with fear

what happens post this
may be hell or bliss
no one prepared the two
its all a hit or miss

the engine rumbling slow
hum echoing inside
trying to contain
beat of my flesh and hide

the world flowing by
impervious to my cries
for i am so keen to meet
my baby and stop the lies

its probably time
to say good bye
to parts of my past
with an unending sigh

outrageously funny
the matters of the heart
makes clowns of us
when we play the part

the cast keeps changing
with the part

from stalkers to streakers
charmers to weepers
lovers to cheaters
playboys to loners

the cast keep changing
with the part

walking out of the theatre
of dead spectators
i think i played
each part

the cast was nothing
but only my past
and my heart
it plays no more parts

And then i come to a fork
i have to decide
take the highway
or the lazy road on the side

with a destination unknown
i am in no hurry
the journey so far
has been nothing but blurry

I chose wisely i think
and turn to the side
seeing the streams and flora
i tell myself this maybe a good ride

i roll down the window
fresh breeze rolling in
wondering why its taken me so long
to feel so good within

she stands across her mirror
puckers her lips, puts the color
looks into her eyes
checks her own demeanour
its almost wry

finally she put to sleep
her demons of past weeks
and the spell
has finally turned weak
its almost dry

another day. another night.
she breathes easy now
another body. another soul.
she smiles to herself
it was all a lie

Can't wipe this smile off my face
the joke was on me, i know
but this was not a time or the place
to cause a row

all the storm, i seemed to cause
by my complete devotion
now this pregnant pause
followed by your cold emotion

"...i cant make that choice" she answered
to a question i never asked
"Now that i have already devoured your heart, its time to snap off your head and finish the task"

will talk to you tomorrow
she says
the next day begins
with no moment to laze

my pings of "hi"s
have become pangs with sighs
and shes been too busy
to take notice of my craze

one more day. one more night
i keep counting untaken breaths
awaiting her voice and sharp gaze

how does one
just pick a flower
from a full bloom

how does one like
just one thing
of this divine spring

love every flower
say the bird and the bee
this is nature. no monogamy

the sun
it drops gently on my face
rays of warm light
burning my bruises away

the coffee aroma
the light breeze
the honks of the traffic
carrying worker bees

i was surprised
at myself how i could live
in this city of bodies
but alive so few

the orange ball of fire
gives me hope from above
as each new day arrives
with unrequited love

and then one day you find
a soul you want to bind
someone who makes you feel
you birth was not unkind

the garden of bougainvillea
is made of pretty flowers
but her branches and thorns
keep out the lovers

all you can do is
just be mesmerized
seeing the bloom
waiting to be euthanized

somethings not right
in all of our days
and most of our nights

somethings are never right
on sunny days
the fall of the light

we wake up **** and shower
and put on clothes of power
and live one more day of plight

its not quite right
we get ****** all day
and copulate by night

pretty lit walls
with passages lit bright
soaps to eat with
news that fright

its not quite right
falling in love.
temporary insanity
ends up in profanity

the silenced breath
seems just right.
far away from the cacophony
into the white light

there was a plant in a ***
next to my bed
its was green and healthy
seemed well fed

for each night
it was watered drop by drop
by my painful memories
and resulting sobs

now the plant has turned dry
it has lost its leaves
it looks so weak,
regretting its wants over its needs

for i once cared for it
with all my joy
i gave it water
and gave it no lies

but all it felt were
suspicions and fears
it did not want water
only my tears

now that the plant
is withering away
i have just come to realise
it was just a cactus anyway

another morning
a subtle ache within
tired of this feeling
cant wake up. cant think.

my body is right here.
soul in another place.
cuddled up warm and cosy.
in my love's embrace.

i wonder how she feels
the moment she wakes.
will she even remember me
our love left no trace.

let go she said
i did not know how
a punishment so severe
to severe the love

was waiting to hear
a gasp or a tear
all i heard
was only fear

is this why
you say bye
is this how
you dont have to cry

just be cold
expect me to know
by just telling me
to let go

a tender flower
full of glee
she looks up to the sun
with dew soaked leaves

along comes
a wandering butterfly
and circles around her
as the breeze helps, she looks at him

awestruck he fumbles
words dont come through, he rambles
gathering all courage he dives
into her nectar filled womb

wings open and fold
as he sips her love
a dance so divine this
this was an eternal groove