Don't let others determine
Who you are
Find your own path
Find your own way
Define yourself

how is it possible to miss someone
i’ve never met before?

i’m worried that
i will think i’m over you,
i’ll be carefree moving on,
and then you’ll smile at me.
you’ll touch my lower back,
or you’ll fix my hair
or grab my hand
or pick me up
or call me beautiful
or tell me you love me and
i’ll fall
all
over again.
i’m worried that
i’ll spend my whole life
getting over you.
-a.c.b

first you need to pick a red flag of a boy.
make sure he's got beautiful eyes,
and a smile you can write poetry about.
actually,
make sure he is poetry--
find metaphors in his dimples and
similes in his crooked teeth.
the catch is, he can't be a good one.
he must have a tragic flaw,
something your friends can't stop pointing out to you.
for now, ignore those warnings and just focus on him--
talk to him whenever you can,
think about him,
write about him.
become drunk off his voice and imagine what his lips taste like.
fill your daydreams with phantom thoughts of him,
months & months flying by until
you can't imagine life without
the beautiful boy in the grey sweater.
now remember--
you're not actually with him yet,
yes
this builds the suspense
makes you wonder
if you'll ever actually taste his lips.
so keep your comfortable distance,
give him time
to make up his mind
if he wants to date you.
yes,
you've heard how he is with other girls,
you've heard what he's done to their ****** hearts
but oh never
could this boy do these horrendous things
he's too pure
says all the right things
but oh always
is the question banging in the back of your skull, now you MUST
give into those urges,
do it
feel it
ask it, ask him if he's
ever
going
to love you.
but you'll wish you hadn't,
because the hesitation will already be out of his mouth
before you can take it back,
his next words along the lines of:
"i thought we'd maybe just
have some fun together, if you know what i mean"
and the broken angel he's been hiding from you
for months,
the monster your friends have been warning you about
for months
will finally be brought to the light.
and that splitting pain of betrayal will come flooding in--
i'm telling you
this is a surefire way
to break your own heart.
-a.c.b

this world has a funny way
of ripping the life you want to live
right out of your hands, rip him right out of your arms
and
forcing you to survive in a world
you don’t want to live in;
sometimes living is worse than dying.
-a.c.b

i prematurely miss you,
dreading the day i no longer know you,
the day your heart no longer beats for me,
the day you no longer kiss my forehead
and twirl my hair around your finger
absentmindedly.
i dread the day you no longer tell me
“i love you”
at least 10 times a day,
(just in case i forget)
the day you no longer write poetry
inspired by me,
the day you no longer want to grow up and start a life in the city together,
grow old and live out one life together.
i dread the absence
of my name in your mouth,
your cologne in my sheets,
my clothes on your floor.
i dread the day
i no longer know you.
-a.c.b

my words have always been the strongest part of me.
solid, loud;
they scream my thoughts for me when i can't even get out a whisper...
but lately i haven't been writing as much.
my once resilient syllables are now translucent snowflakes
floating in the air, shattering on my bedroom floor
with each tear.
they are unsure of themselves, a string of vowels and consonants
so violently aware
that there's been a change;
my words have finally failed me.
-a.c.b

It's beautiful, no gauge for perfection,

no scale of 1 to 10,

It coulda been better,
if I coulda seen it with you

in the best years of my life.


It's still, beautiful.