Is it  worth it I wonder
Trying to look past the obvious
Going thru it
Over and over
Taking credit I feel
I don't deserve it
Was maybe once
Didn't see that you weren't
Genuine feelings no mistake I fell over
Learning nothing by looking at the cover
Hard time remembering
Understandable
Repetition subtle hints
Left undiscovered
Selective memories
Hundreds of me I used to be
Countless others I'd never let happen to you
Situations not necessarily circumstantial
Always without words my end
Multiple choice
Was you I wrote in
Confused I'm not
Delirium
I'll cut my ear off

1849

laying down at night thinking

wondering if it’s worth it to think about

hoping it’s not all what it seems

wishing for the moon to hurry

bringing The tide up past my feet

waking me hopefully

another life still me

dreaming dreams

crawling out of bed

no recollection of anything

how do I know

how do I know I’m not someone else’s dream

again and again being woke

seems like it took all night

but really just a few seconds

is this it

the end

why would it be different

just a glimpse

a lifetime in a moment

mine or yours

is it over

if I’m there but here

shouldn’t I feel it

is it right to say I’m mine

when ours makes more sense

-ywsm

I fell in love with the way your
                                                body flowed
but overlooked
                   the rapids in the distance
so now
         I'm trying not to drown
                                                hoping instead
   I'll just be swept out to sea

He says have a great day
She says nothing
He says I love you
She says nothing
She says don’t be angry
He said nothing

ywsm

This rock a hard place and me

crazy it just hits you.

Your heart’s beating so  fast

Trying, taking it slow

getting up still dizzy

wobbly like a top on its last few spins.

Is it me or everything around

Falling to the ground

I’m stationary but vertigo

Free falling over almost dead.

Freaking out let me go.

Enclosed losing my grip

It won’t let go.

You’re closing in

trying to talk to me

I hear nothing.

You cry out of frustration.

I’m sitting here *******

Every emotion at once.

I can’t control what I do.

It’s blacking out without the black.

Sleepwalking

more like a puppeteer

These strings my fuses I explode

Appreciate the help.

Stop it.

Makes it worse.

I don’t want to hurt you I don’t know how to stop it.

screaming.

going bonkers.

Three sheets to the wind.

My knots are tight.

**** that ship.

I got no patience.

Let somebody else wait.

No drugs, no legs,

come hell or high water

I’m dipping, tripping,

Lt danning rolling the **** out.

You don’t have to be close.

I’m heading to Walmart

I pull in and pull out

no kids no need for plan b.

I bust right there

making a scene in front of the crowd.

Sorry folks…

Will Power has left the building….

*******

That ***** never went in.

amber alert!

Just lost another piece of myself and your data.

I know right.?!

Balling my eyes out.

At the buzzer

but the wrong end of the court.

I wish I could pinpoint when it started but I can’t.

I don’t know how or when

What it felt like.

A doctor?….

How?

Somebody to talk to…

How am i supposed to

when its locking the doors on my ten speed before i can get out.

It makes no sense

Should I get drunk today

Some brain decorating

Get pilled out

so only truth is heard

When there's no doctor around

I doubt that’ll work.

Watching from the inside.

Squinting from a cell behind my eyes.

Controls me.

I have a few good days here and there

most of the time it’s ruining me.

Their thinking I’m nuts

He don’t know what the **** he’s doing

Ive been good at everything I’ve ever done

Every job promoted

I push myself so hard.

I can’t do anything

shaking

Frustrated

Seems like I’m taking it out on you but I’m not.

I’m harder on myself than anybody could ever be.

To the point I’m **** near crying

Sitting at work with a gun in my mouth.

Trying.

I can’t even do that though.

I’m a slave to my anxiety

no longer have the courage to ask why

ywsm

They say keep your head up .
both feet on the ground
but it's hard
when one looks up
sees how far they are below.
I'm worthless
My hands are on fire.
My head is so f** cold.
I'm useless.
looking for anything
to steady myself.
panicking more and more.
the faster my head starts to spin.
lost all sense of direction.
this Compass lying to me
Thought you were my friend
telling me where that point goes.
that right arm
I've already put it in.
the earth keeps turning
I beat Gravity
yet lost myself all over again

I lost three people that day    
Three parts of me
Two well I guess three I'll never see          
The best part of myself
at the time hated
A third of my life I told myself
I wasted
   Hard to cope
Relying on parts of the brain that don't work
  over and over
the blame ,you and me
sit on a merry go round
leaping off
I'm  about to be sick
Confused,dizzy
in a whirlwind of memories
lost in moments I can't explain.
I can't point the finger at either of us.
How'd I get so lucky.
How'd knowing each other a few months
Turn into a celebration at coaches down on third street.
In love.
A team.
So in sync our presence felt like one.
They'll never have me
because getting rid of you
is the same as me to
When I told you
you'll never get me
You did and still do
The other two
my will and my sanity      
no drive left for life
I don't even walk
barely crawl.
I dont care about a love like that anymore
and the one thing that's ******* driving me mad.
My worst fear is actually coming true
  I'm gonna die alone with you.