i showered before i left my house / i took the “god” out of my **** it / i started drinking heavily again / i started dressing nice / i stopped drinking / i watched bad movies on netflix / i gave the arctic monkeys a try / i cried in a field / i felt ok / i started drinking again / i stopped wearing nail polish / i felt comfortable / i wouldn’t sleep / i started making mixes again / i laughed at jokes which weren’t funny / i felt handsome / i wanted to just lay around and talk / i got insecure at times / i felt ok, but more often than not i felt bad

if you give a kid a puppy, he will look at you like he loves you.
if you give me a 4loko i will give you the same look.
i am a grown man sometimes but most times i am a kid.
i think that maybe we are all kids.
maybe you can come over and you can play with my dog
and maybe we could drink 4loko.

put your words on paper.  i want to read them.
i still want to know you.

get text///delete text.
i live my life by ///
get scared ///
run away.
open myself up
///
run away.
run away.
run away.

it's early January and i just met you 3 hours ago.
you're too drunk to drive home so i invite you to stay over.
i show you my favorite simpsons episodes.
we laugh at Principal Skinner.
WHO CAN'T LAUGH AT PRINCIPAL SKINNER?!?
you see the Lemuria sticker on my laptop.
you grab me and scream "I WANT YOUR HANDS IN MY HAIR".
i love you in this moment.
i love this moment and i love you.
i remember this moment and i remember you.
i begin to hate you///you begin to hate me.
we both still listen to Lemuria.
i still want your hands in my hair.
i still want to laugh at principal skinner.

somethings are best left unsaid.
i loved you once///never again.
the dixie cups just came up on shuffle and i am laughing.   i am laughing while they sing "we're going to the chapel".  i am thinking about you.  i am thinking about you but i am also thinking about everyone.   i have cut ties to everyone who has ever shown any affection to me.  i cut ties to everyone.  i wrote you a letter tonight.  i hope you threw it away before reading it.  you threw me away///throw whatever i gave you away.

I hope it wasn’t weird that time I was driving you home and I told you how much I value you as a friend so I bought you a gift certificate for Fridays and I started crying because you told me you never ate there before.