i could leave.  i could go squat at my lakehouse in wisconsin.  i could cut all ties and never speak to anyone ever again.  i could live alone as a ghost or as close to it as possible.  i could eat easy mac every night for the rest of my life. i could watch seinfeld reruns every day until i passed out and then repeat until the disks get scratched beyond repair.

******* up our secret handshake for over 10 minutes because its been the closest I’ve been to holding your hand in over a year.

Trying to sleep on separate couches. We stay up until 6 talking, we sit next to each other when the conversation gets too heavy. I rub your back in hopes you rub mine. My back doesn’t hurt, I’m just hoping for you to show me any sign of affection.

I’m still so ******* in love with you. I wish you wouldn’t tell me that you’re worried about my drinking problem and I wish like ******* wouldn’t call me your best friend.

It’s almost 7 and you’re sleeping inches away from me, but for what it’s worth you’re ******* miles away.

I’m still drunk and I need to drive home in a couple hours. Hopefully I wake up before 2pm sober and not completely torn up inside that another sleepover with you has left me feeling completely pathetic.

one time when i was 16 i met this ******* myspace through mutual friends and we went on a couple dates.  the first time we went out we saw that movie Good Luck Chuck.  it was at this really ***** movie theatre and we made out the majority of the film.  kissing her was fun because she was pretty, but her mouth tasted really bad.  we went out the next week and saw Super Bad.  that movie *****.  i digress.  the girl working at the concession stand asked me if my friend was alright because they were throwing up in the bathroom.  i still continued to kiss her after i found that out.

can we just watch the 3 stooges for the rest of our lives or at least the rest of tonight and just forget about all the ****** things that have been happening?  can you sleep over next weekend and i can make you breakfast in the morning and you won’t complain about my morning breath of coffee and cigarettes?  and we could totally forget about all this *******..  i don’t care anymore.  i’m 21 and i still want a jawbreaker tattoo.  i don’t even know how long they’ve been broken up for.  yeah jets to brazil are ******* rad but nothing will ever compare to 24 hour revenge therapy.  you like the simpsons?  i love the simpsons.  just stay tonight.  please just stay forever.

sleepover.  sleep on separate couches.  handshake goodnight.  can’t sleep.  stay up untill 7am writing.  write you letter.  leave it in shoe.  worry about stupid letter.  wake me up in the morning when you go to school.  sleep in your bed alone.  wake up sad and distraught.  go home.  worry about letter.  spend all day thinking about it. start drinking at 4pm.  stop drinking at 3am.  cry. cry. cry.

you could read the dumb things i write and eat the dumb dinners i cook.  we could stay up all night listening to bomb the music industry.  you could tell me secrets and i could tell you my get-rich-quick schemes.  we could stay up all night watching b-movies on my couch and fall asleep next to each other.  we could be happy the rest of our lives or until things got really awful.  and then we could never speak again.