I looked at myself
Broken and crying
Tear stained cheeks every morning
Not wanting to continue
End this overwhelming pain

I met you
You lit the fire inside me
Taught me to keep that fire burning
Taught me to stand when others push me down
Taught me to accept myself
To love myself

You found me
And I found you
You gave me light in this pitch darkness
We reached the sky
Hands intertwine

I woke up and found out
That it's me who found you
It's me who pushed myself further into you
T'was me who believe in myself

I found my name
I used my voice
I stand for someone too weak to fight
All because of you

I met you
We've been bestfriends
We've shared a lot of memories
We've been separated

We kept in touch
We talked almost everyday
You share everything with me

I introduced my other bestfriend to you
You guys been so close
Even you haven't seen each other yet
It seems like she knew you more than me

I was once the one whom you talked to
I was once the one you rely on
I was once your bestfriend

Did she just replace me?
Is she more than me?
I am the one who knew you for years
She just knew you for a very short period of time
Yet she acts like she's your "bestfriend"

Do I regret it?
No
Do I feel mad about it?
No
I envy her
I wish to be her
But no
I am more than her

I will understand it now
Just now
I'll be more considerate
I'm happy, you are happy
I'm fine..

You are my classmate
My bestfriend
My everything
But.. am I your bestfriend too?

I care for others too much
To the point that I forgot about myself
I care for you
You care for me just for me to say that you're my BESTFRIEND

You're so unfair
I love you as my sister
You love me as your spare tire
Should I even call it love?
When you had a fight with your "bestfriend"
I'm the one who convinced her
Just for you two to be okay 'again'

What did I got in return?
Nothing...
Wow.. that's touching of you two
I guess I have to care for myself first
Because I'll be always a patch
To cover you up..

How will I know if you are happy with me?
How will I know if you feel the same way towards me?
How can I love you?

I hate it when it comes
I hate it when she calls you
I hate it when you feel so happy without me
I hate it when you're not replying on my messages but you can reply to her messages
I hate the fact that I was the one who's going to message you first
I just feel like I'm not your priority
I hate slow replies
It's just like telling me that you're talking to someone else better than me

Every time I'm around you I feel so happy
I feel my cheeks burning
Do you feel the same way?
I admit it, I'm jealous
I'm jealous when you're with her
But, why would I be jealous?
We're not even together
Why do I feel that you're awkward around me?
Why can't you just show the real you like how you show yourself to her
Why when it comes to me..
The air felt so awkward
Why?!
No one can answer.

Now, I will prepare myself
That the time will come
You will loosen your grip from my hand
You will find a way to exit in my heart
You promised me you'll stay
But promises can be thrown away
I just hope this time will not come
Instead of loosening your grip, try to tighten it
Instead of finding a way to exit, try finding a way to love "us" more
Please don't throw your promises
Please keep it
I have given you my trust
Please do the same...

In the end
I will realize that I'm not in love with you
Instead, I'm in love of US~

Judgment, to describe someone in a good or bad way
Let’s start with GOOD JUDGMENT
This kind of judgment is positive why? Coz their describing you in a way that you will not be hurt
Not be hurt, but deep inside them there’s a BAD JUDGEMENT
They’re telling you all the positive vibes when you’re in front of them
Little do you know, they’re telling negative vibes behind your back

I personally encounter these 2 types of judgment
Telling you something like “HOW ADORABLE, WOW! SO INTELLIGENT, I WISH I COULD BE YOU” blah..blah..blah
Then after that “YOU MEAN THAT GIRL! YEAH! SHE’S TOO CONFIDENT ABOUT HERSELF, SHE GOT ALL THE PRAISE, AND SHE ALWAYS STICK WITH HIM! I ENVY HER! ”
Tsk! ENVY yourself! I’m not confident about myself; I’m not a god for me to be praise, and I STICK WITH HIM BECAUSE I’M COMFORTABLE WITH MY “GUY FRIEND” and not comfortable with your side
Wanna know why I’m more comfortable with a man than a woman?
Because some women judge you behind your back
Why can’t you say all of that in front of me? Are you afraid? Now you’re telling me no! LIAR! Yes you are afraid, because you can’t say those mean words in front me
Why are you afraid? Because I might do something that you don’t want to encounter? If you don’t want to encounter that other side of me THEN STOP! It will be better if you stop doing your bad JUDGMENTS against me!
You know what? I can’t get you. How can you do that dual personality of yours?
I don’t know if you’re jealous, angry, or just playing with me
I’m not a toy for me to be played by someone like you
Can you just please tell me the reason behind your judgments?
Or is it too hard for you to tell me?
You’re not going to tell me then fine, I don’t need someone like you in my life

The times that I can’t take it anymore
My heart keeps saying me to explode but my mind keeps reminding me to be more patient
Now that I already followed my heart
You already saw the half of me
Now that I throw all the aches that I kept in my heart
I thank you for making me strong
After making me strong…
I forgive you…

Exist, a word that hurts every fan girls feelings
Yes it hurts, why? Because he doesn’t even know you’re alive
Are we over reacting? Maybe yes, but that’s love
Not the type of love that everyone knows

You know him but he doesn’t know you
You love him but he loves you as a Fan
You know all the facts about him but he doesn’t even know a single fact about you

There are times that he will be rumored on having a relationship with the other idols or other girls out there
It hurts, it hurts us fan girls feelings
To the point that, how you wish to be that girl, how you wish, but that wish will just remain in your mind not in your heart
But who are we, to be hurt?
We are not in the proper place to be hurt nor do we have the right to be jealous or hurt? No we don’t.
Because yeah, we are just his FANGIRLS
FANGIRLS, F-A-N-G-I-R-L-S
8 letters, 2 syllables, different meaning
You know what? Cut the beat
He will never know you; he will never understand you and he will never love you like how you do, because we’re miles away from him MILES
Does it hurt? Its okay you chose that, we chose that, we chose to be his FANGIRL we have to convict it
In fact, we should be proud being a FANGIRL,
A fangirl that is willing to love, support, understand and accept all his flaws because that’s the only thing we can do to show our love for him
And yes, I’M IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T EVEN KNOW I EXIST.