when it comes to people i love, i'm so emotionally unstable i always have this tendency to **** up our relationship because i feel too much
and it causes baseless anger outbursts and intimidating coldness. it's like i'm waiting for everyone to **** up. i mean, aren't most people? don't worry. everyone's gets better at pretending that they got so good sometimes you'd think that they have their **** together. i usually just leave. but i couldn't. now that i'm accessing a wider, deeper aspect of his world, i know i have a feeling of being trapped.

Noon, ang tanging kinakatakutan ko lang ay ang hindi makatulog sa hapon
Ang mahuli ng magulang na tumatakas para makalabas at makipaglaro
Ang matakot sa mga kwentong multo na gumagala tuwing alas tres ng madaling araw
Ang manuod ng horror na pelikula at matulog na bukas ang bombilya pagkatapos
Ang dumilat at sumilip sa ilalim nang kama

Noon, natatakot lang akong makakita ng pulang marka sa aking papel
Ang hindi makasagot sa pagbigkas sa nakabusangot at nakakatakot kong titser
Ang mahuling nakikipag daldalan sa katabi kong kaklase
Ang hindi makauwi sa tamang oras na binigay ng magulang

Natatakot ako sa mga maraming bagay
Ngunit nagiba narin ang mga bagay na kinakatakutan ko sa mga taong lumipas
Mas lumaki na sila at mas naging matapang
Mas naging matulis ang mga pangil at humaba ang mga binyas, ang buhok, ang kuko
Mas bumilis, mas lumiksi
Mas mahirap nang labanan

Hindi na pwedeng basta idaan sa pagtulog at pagtakas
Hindi na basta basta napapatay ng liwanag na nanggagaling sa bukas na ilaw ang takot
Hindi na rin nawawala ang takot sa pag balot sa buong katawan ang malambot na kumot
Hindi na madadaan sa pagsiksik sa pader upang hindi mahila ang mga malamig na paa sa nagtatagong takot sa ilalim ng kama

how do you know if what you want is worth it?

with all this fighting lately i've been wondering

habang naglalakad ako pauwi ng bahay
bitbit ang napakabigat na bag
laman ang mga gamit na kinakailangan
may nakita akong kumikintab na bilog sa dinadaanan
huminto ako, napatigil at tinignan
at nakita ko itong piso
pero imbis na kunin ko ito at ipangbayad sa jeep
tinago ko ito at tinabi sa isa pang piso
dahil alam ko ang pakiramdam na nag-iisa
sa dilim, gulo at ingay

sa sarili **** paang naglalakad sa kalyeng madalas ikaw lang magisa, na minsan iniisip mo na sana may isang taong sumasabay sa agos ng galaw nang iyong mga paa
sa sarili **** kamay na tumatama sa lamig ng simoy ng hangin, iniisip na sana may isang kamay na handang hawakan ito sa lamig at init

sana isang araw, hindi na anino ang kasabay mo pauwi
kundi isang tahanan

you think you don't deserve anything so you ruin it

i forget to hate myself when i'm with you

as i look at your eyes, i only see beauty
as i hear your voice, i only hear my heartbeat begging for more
not speaking for how much i love it
for when i am with you, i'll never ever get bored

winning you may seem impossible
but now you're with me, ******* what am i doing
do i make you happy or am i just sadness slowly taking you away
but for now
i'll think i'm just human being, now worth knowing

every station, every night
i beg and beg for more
because i'll be going home alone without you
every minute i wish you'd give me a call
and i miss you

J.D.B

we are deserving of love that does not require us to suffer first

she was heartache from the moment that you met her

the words to my poems are lost and so am i

i'm not even a second chance
i'm just not a choice at all

nothing we can do about it
just endlessly, tirelessly distract ourselves

How am I going to let you go when in the first place you were never mine to lose?

wynne hehe

just one of those mornings where i can't get out off my bed and my mind wanders to the worst case scenarios and the feeling of not being  good enough sinks in.

John hehe

sadness and trauma doesn’t really give a **** if it’s been hours, days, months or years. it stays showing up and asking to learn new ways of dancing with the whole weight of the thing