You are a gentle memory
I cradle such
As the night sky does the moon

I did not know
You would haunt me still
Beyond that
I did not know
I would expect it
Eyes, always perceived to be watching
Steps, not truly fading away
We were not what God intended
Not good or righteous or pure
We were worse
Two terrible ends of a spectrum
Colliding in the off center
If I asked you
Would you leave me
You would make me beg
So I seal my sinners lips together
Dark blood dripping
Out the corners of my mouth
Silence better than rejection
Shadows better than permanence

We don't need more memories
Or more ghosts

Just more glasses
For more drunk toasts

You ghost write my life
And now my bones are haunted
You were the demons in the dark
And now I am just a possession

she rides like a mustang and runs just as fast
you can never catch her because she will break
just like all the things made out of glass

her heart is the most fragile part of her frame
and if you touch her she will turn to sand
just like the wind over the dunes

The angels wittled these words
Into the back of my head
And when I awoke in the morning
Liquor leeching out my veins
The pounding in my skull I heard
Like a chant and a prayer
Said such;

God's not a masochistic


I need you to know
In a world that blames the almighty
For the mundane and monotonous
That the one who can cease
The river of life to flow
Isn't showering you with pain
He just wants his plants to grow

That one drink that leads to another
Select your driver, chose your brother
Lets go out and forget our troubles
Let fill our minds and stomachs with bubbles
Sit on a stool in bar
Brace yourself this could go far
With makeup to our temples
Looking like people we shouldn't resemble
My hands shake and my voice trembles
When my stupid choices all assemble
Hiding in a crowd of drunken idiots
Just wanting to fit in to get with it
When we all look alike
And we all get in stupid fights
Is this what my life is meant to be
It all just seems silly to me
Lets hurt our bodies but not alone
Is this the life I want to condone
With a drink in one hand
Double ******* the band
The lights hurt my head
And I long for my bed
The smell of clean sheets
And the look of clean streets
I want to go home to where I belong
I was looking for myself but I wasn't lost all along

I want to drink you up like the sun fades into the sunset
Swallow every morsel of your bittersweet taste like; the waves touching the shore... over and over again savoring the flavor

Do you know how many words
Have fluttered from my fingers
Or fallen from my lips
And dance along my throat
That I can't recall
They fall into eternity
And maybe imprint in your mind
But they do not stay in my head
Like an important moment in time

You silently left
As tears streamed down my face
I was left in the light
But the only bright part of me was my shadow

I couldn't hide my face from the sun
I thought that you would be the one
You are gone
I feel just so empty

I cant understand why you left me
You say find someone else
But all I want is you
I don't understand how my world could just break

You said you were protecting me
You said you couldn't hurt me
But not hurting me hurts me even more
I am different without you

You completed my world
Now I am left missing my most importance piece
You, you held me together
And when you held me in your arms I could fly

But now I've lost my wings and you are the one who has drifted to another shore
I am empty here standing behind your locked door
You shut me out
I just walked away

Not knowing how to feel
Not knowing what to say
The silence isn't awkward it is just lonely
I cant hear your voice and when I do it doesn't sound the same

You are perfect and always will be
But now I am broken and don't think I can be fixed
I don't bend I only break
Why couldn't you hold on for goodness sake

It wasn't worth it
I have so many questions
Do you have the answers
Walking away is never the right thing do to

Sometimes the hardest things in life
Are the right choices
Sometimes the right thing
Is also the wrong

Its all about perpective
But no matter what way I look at it
I still hurt inside
The tears are made of water

But all I feel is knives
You tore me apart
And skinned me alive
It burns its bleeds

But it still beats strong
This is how I feel when you are gone gone gone

the colour finally found it's love
but she lost it the same day
the red on her cheeks *
the red on her lips ~
the red in her heart <3
was unflushed *
unsmeared ~
and unloved <3

For more than half my life I knew you
But, I always love you
This time, from a distance
It seems I never was able
To give you the love you deserved
And I'm so ******* ******* sorry

You have a way with words darling
What a way to say
I am the love of a life not worth living

I will always want one more:
Hug
Moment
Goodbye

But I will only ever need:
One of you

Heartbreak drives a black car
I see it everywhere I am
Watching, waiting
What a strange ghost
I fear the familiar
Never the unknown
I should have left you alone
On the street where I found you
How will I protect my peace now
I gave it away
I am giving up
I would rather bear your burdens
Than my own
It is the most dangerous thing to love
I would not call this brave

You have fallen through the heavens
It seems no one could bear to tell you
That time holds you in her cupped hands
Somehow you found a way
To slip through her fingers, like water
On you go, a way you do not know
You made a way on your own
I did not know such a thing could be done
You have expanded my horizons
In but an instant
It seems as if I could run across the dessert in a day
I seek mirages in my sleep
Counting my dreams like change in my pockets
A penny for your thoughts
At a dollar a minute
I muster two cents for an answer
You would barted your soul I think
For just a taste of tomorrow, today
At what price though
That your time layered in the stratosphere
Would be shaved just a little thinner
The angels would scoff at such
One day though I shall make them laugh
I have guardians
They all have wings
Yet between the six of us
Only two hands
So I must fold my days and tuck them away
Some days, they smell like warm summer
They feel like comfort of the sun on my face
Others are a deep, dark fabric
Woven with a sturdy mind and threaded with little pieces of spite
Yet every now, or now and again
I pack up a little trinket of today
It tastes like fresh air on the first day of a hopeful spring
With just a little bit of rain
Washing away the worries of the world
Oh that I could cling to this
But as I love her
I let her go

there are so many kinds of love
which of them do I deserve
how many days do I get
as a slave, to serve

this many nights
to prepare to fall apart
so many days to try
beating without a heart

which of these lies
do you hold most dear
could you give them up
so you could sleep here

fingertips apart from you
as you lay in the ground
you reached up to me
I would not fall down

could you blame me
for the heart you ******
the drugs you bled
you have not atoned

louder than your lies
I scream about the night
wishing to flood your eyes
with tears of light

poison in my flesh
at the end of a blade
all the cards dealt
but this last *****

if you breathed me in
it would be your last
today is over
the night does not pass

Hell! Hell! Hell!
I see it in my mind
demons writhing alive
inside of my spine

every kiss to my hand
like a claim upon my soul
every piece taken
a lesser part of a whole

this is death
and it is so cold
like the ice in my heart
in to it I fold

how an ending is made
from the dying of the stars
so distant they looked
a lie to think they are far

it pierced my face
and sunk into my dreams
as dark as it was
it broke the seams

to fall apart
ripped to shreds
by the night
in mine own head

how can I save you!
when I am but a shell
to drag you down
to where I dwell

so much further
have I yet to fall
you cry to come
and I cry all

and oh the wretch
that I have become
all my threads
have come undone

Come home with me
Back to the woods
To the village
To the house
On the side of the hill
To the sound of the birds
After the silent screams
To the snow falling
To the ground where it settles

I hope you see why I love it
I hope you see why I left

I do not hold
The healing of time
As an absolute truth
It is the echoes of trauma
That still ring
So steadily in my ears
The beginning of my undoing
Is awakening again
It is not in my nature
To give up
Yet I am nearly gone

Stop worrying about who's going go visit your grave
You're not in it yet
There is time between now and then for a million things to change

To hold hands with your mind
As time gave a kiss to your cheek
Everything
Even the beginning of the end of the world
It's just
-so cold
Yet we don't try to light fires
We just
-break hearts
Break ourselves
And try to walk around with casts around our chests
And gauze falling out our ears
Because people say things that make our eyes cry
But oh do they make our minds weep
-and wail
Somehow through all of this
-this everything
The "so much"
We are just so ****** empty
-so ******
So so empty
It eats us out from the core
To the husk of our words
Biting into the back of our throat
Just to get
- a taste
Of soul

Having a soul
And acting so ******* soulless
That's your favorite pastime
It really does
- pass time
Unfortunately its past time

My feet will walk me through the iron wrought gates
I'll lay in my own grave
My desperation lowering me into the earth

Finally.

Something to claim me
-hold me
It won't let go

This is the situation
How many feet under
Whether water or earth
The undoing of birth
All these threads

Snip, go the scissors of the fates
I seem them now, the dogs at the gates

Such I have become
The Darkness
That which I feared most
She is warmer than I anticipated
Or maybe such a soul as mine has cooled
Between earth
And the dying of the stars
The heat lingers in my belly
But I do not feel it in this coffin skin
Sleep will come, and not to soon
Sleep will come, but not to late

Sleep is here, I am at the gate

I didn't know gravity could be so painful

It pulls me to earth

And none reach to lift me up

The books and words

Weigh down my back

And I cannot resist

This heavy atmosphere

I am not Newton's apple

Not even an apple

I am green

New to this world

But it pulls me so close

So tight

But it is suffocating

The creative mind can be strange place
You can create the most captivating beauty
And the darkest monsters imaginable

There once was a girl
And she made herself a shell
Wound tight around her body
And she met someone she loved so much
He was her fuse
He kept her in his arms
Not in his pocket or in his drawer
But close to his heart
Where no one could tamper with her

There once was a girl
Who lost her mind
And she lost her fuse
And blew into a million tiny pieces
The shrapnel bit into her skin
Into her heart and the pain was to much
But a boy came along
Than looked like a man
He had a heart big enough for two
Like a jar to hold the broken
He kept her together
And he said he would never let go

There once was a girl
Who found peace after pain
Even though she knew
She could never be the same
She lost her shell
But found her life
And now she lives
A beautiful life

I feel you
Like the sweet relief of pain
When you have been numb
For so long

Do you really understand my words
What can I say that is not twisted truth

The flowers spurt forth from the ground
But they do not burst into bloom in one day

They will grow slowly and then before my eyes
The colors they will spread and create a lovely head

The leaves that float are dying now
The gracefully fall from bows above

Blown by God's breath so sweet and soft
Carrying promises high and aloft

We wait on your timing oh clock of the world
We wait for your voice we want to hear your word

I am small like a grain of sand
I cannot stand without your hand

I fall and am embraced by cold dark earth
Huddled in a silent berth

To be who you are now
Is to know who you were then
And find no shame in either
For life is not made of guilt
Only the lessons found in remembrance

I watched the glory of youth rippen
Meekly searching
For a young one
I thought I knew
I loved you then
Strange you seem to chasm eyes
Though no stronger
How fair
The lengthening of patience
And spine
Over the bridge, and with time
Plough through the fields
Of my doubting soul
The leaves of my midsummer mask
Crunch against the hand of time
Dawn has come
And I hasten to adore
The gentle glory of your awakening
Kindness and depths in your eyes
Deeper than before

The angels are dripping gold from the sky
Shudders of timelessness resonating in the earth
The beat of wings at the foot of the eternal
Cold marbel beneath my tread
I kneel
This is awe
This is wonder
I have come undone
A thousands thoughts
Yet not one voiced
The choir fulfills the longing of my soul
The dreams I dreamt asleep
Hold no flicker of light to this euphoria I find awakened
I hide my face
I am not worthy
Still blessed through the length of my days
Wings covering me
But not my own
I am not my own
I am breathless
But find no complaint
My eyes drip silver
A metal moment
Nickel plated hands
Hush my cry
I grit my teeth
Like gravel beneath a heavy tread
Oh simple one
You have stars in your eyes
And I will never wake

I look to you
As my guiding light
As if
You were the only star in the sky

Wisdom is nothing when your lips part without regret

I know you did horrible things to my body
Before you killed me
Why do you ask my ghost to comfort you
Have you not burdened my soul enough
We are all afraid of being understood
Being known
Then we are powerless
We cannot play these games
If you **** the other players
Who is the winner
You would break me
Take my beautiful pieces
To complete yourself
They will rot in your body
With the stench of guilt
Odor of revenge
I do not exist
In relation to your hunger
I have shut you away
Before you would dare to consume me
I will not satiate
Will not sedate
Not stumble over my words
Unless mine is the last voice you hear

Memory etched on a cage of pages
Though storms rise higher
And the ocean rages
And burns like wild fire

Emotions carved into chests of flesh
Open a solid oaken heart
Never let the beat rest
Eons of electricity to make it start

Souls of skies in darkened glass
Fogged beyond recognition
Like trying to drink grass
Is the way my eyes listen

Beyond today's vault
And yesterday's filing cabinet
Lies a raw un-denied fault
By a poet who dreams out of habit

I walk barefoot
On the pads of my toes
Down cobblestone streets
This is North
She is cold
But welcoming

I carry
The bottom half of my heart
In my left hand
And the top half of my thoughts
In my right
My hands are full
My heart broken
And my thoughts in disarray
Come walk with me
And you will know the truth

I do not wear my heart
Upon my sleeve
But still it beats
In palm and chest alike
Would that I could
Shake your hand
And give you
My fondest memories
It is not such
And still I wander along
To find an angel
Who's chest
I can place my heart into
To find a sinner
To take these thoughts
But I am lost
Lost
Lost with no direction

We fell apart
So long ago
It still feels
Like yesterday
I still feel
Sort of

Love is
Where you let go of yourself
To catch the other person