The fear melts down my spine in rivers
Collecting in pools of anxiety
That tendril to my limbs
I try to hide in the shadow of bravery
But I am not worthy of its cloak
So I quake in the eyes
Of all my enemies, watching me
As I fall inside myself
Drowning in pity
A damaged cavern that crumbled
To bring me down into
A dank hell
We all wish for light in the end
I only want to see less dark
To see the sun is to much
I merely need to make mark

I have a handful of guardian angels
None of them wash their hands
Before devouring my sins
I am a morsel of madness

When you get to heaven
Ask Icarus of the sun
When I get to heaven
I will tell him
Of the brightest light
I ever knew
I will spin him stories
Of golden thread
And he will wonder
Why he did not instead
Chose to fly
Close to you

February words and
Unpursued waves
Memories of lies
To keep my story straight

A web so entangled
It snared its maker
Some for now
And some for later

Ankle bites
And goodnight lies
Morning coffee
As black as the night

Sweet and sweeter
A wretched dream
But is it better to sleep
Than to want to leave

A marker tattoo
As permanent as my existence
Traceable calls
To a newer resistance

Spell check those ***** stamps
Is it low enough
Correct all the rights
Where the truth is the lie

And fly your kite higher in the ground
Opposites and confusion
Emotions of dreams
Become as emotionally withdrawn as possible

Or enter the ground
To become a fossil

Delivery:
Harsh words (for the freak)
Please sign
X____
Last name?
I wish it was yours.

Love,
This cruel world.
Xoxo

The inner workings of my mind have become lazy in their toil against the opposition
I am feeble minded and the legs of my stamina crumble
I am bent out of shape
I wish to hide, but I must seek
Yet I stumble about like a fool in the dessert
My oasis is dried up when my heart cries for a river to pour forth
Swallow me up in the night
I will surrender my self
As an angel of the night
Claim me as you do your own creation
Whisper to me where rest may be found
I seek peace above all else
Even as my heart thrums with the aching of the universe
I am so little to feel so much

My mind is manspreading

I want to throw unripened avacados at the patriarchy, screaming
Stop making my sisters cry

Is it a sin to let love go unnourished?

What good
Does the heart of a lion do me
When I have no claws
To love so large
With such small hands

Will you be my valentine?
The one who warms the hands of the broken hearted.

It was with him, he who told me he would die for me
That I fought most of my battles with

I have only ever wished to be gentle
And at peace
It has always seemed just out of reach
You never allowed such a thing
So now I shall rage steadily
Against the fading of the light
Spare me your words
I have ached long enough

To sing my lies into your  soul

So that my truth will make you whole

When you touch my skin
I feel it so deeply
That the salt in my oceans
Separate from the water

Close your eyes
It is okay to go
It has been a long life

Close your eyes
I will sing to you
Humming gentle melodies

Close your eyes
The music will go with you
Where I cannot follow

Close your eyes
It is time
The angel’s will carry on the harmony

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you lying?"*

"Yes."

I wake each morning from my bed
Trying to subdue the pain in my head

I hold my wrist that does still burn
Will I ever learn

The fire is always stronger
The pain is always longer

The flames reach for my soul
Leaving a burning smoking hole

I cant control this flame
It hurts more than the sting of a cane

In a world all its own
In a world all alone

The fire has its own will
Against a voice small and shrill

It smokes and screams
Against the demons

It is a dark force that still shines bright
A force that haunts me through the night

You blew your lies in my face
And it was not just the smoke that agitated me
More the time thay you took kindle the fire
Even though you didn't care how much I got burned

These embers can only be relit so many times
Who will keep you warm when I am gone
Oh the irony to die out by these ashes
When this is where we have lived the brightest nights of our lives
I became a coal in your mouth
When my only desire was to warm your heart
You can no longer stomach me
It is my own light that will fade
The char of my existence ground into the earth
When you cremate my final memory
I will be nothing
Until you smell smoke
This is the remembrance of me
I will not be put out so easily

The stars rose into the sky
And as they died
They fell to the earth
The sand embraced them
Coveting the warmth of the fire
Like kisses of passion
That beat like drums
Into the night sky
They race to the heavens
And the in showers of waves
Like the hair of a goddess
They fall to the earth
And the kisses of smoke
Filling the lungs of the moon
Out of the sky
Into the water
Petals of guns
Roses of the midnight hour
Burning into the souls
Of the mortals below
Who worship the night
And all it contains
Boom. Like a heartbeat.
Rainbows in my veins
They scream through the night
Out of the lungs of the gods
Over the earth
And all it contains
Until they die
Wrapped in the earth
Like a blanket of death

I thought about it
And then all at once if consumed me
My mind was filled with thoughts
Wondering what the texture of your lips were

And when it came, so sudden and sweet
It was different that I had expected
But not bitter in the slightest

I didn't expect the cravings
To always hunger for just one more
Your lips, ever present in my mind
And oh how much I long
For just one more kiss, one last time

But now the leaves have fallen
And all I have are memories
I would kiss you again
A thousand times, until I die
But I cannot
For your lips belong to another
As sweet as they are
And as sweet as they seem

So I long now
And teach myself to long to more
For or first kiss was a blessing
And the last a curse
Our first a song
The last a missing verse

What is wasn't:
Wet
Sloppy
Childish
Silly
Ignorant
Cold
Short
Hard

What is was:
Soft
Sweet
Long
True
Heartfelt
Desirable
Romantic Maybe
Lovingness
Warm
Long over due
Firm
Worth waiting for...

You asked me
If I believed
In love, at first sight
I replied, eyes closed
I do not care much for the beginning
As long as there is love in the end

A clenched fist
Leaves no room for dreams

Tell me
Please
You find something divine
In my familiarity
As I find peace
In yours

here we are again
face to sky
with a full wolf moon

i don't know this road
the journey all to familiar
as the grains of sand under your nails
after a day clawing at the ocean

do you hear the depths roar
or does she whisper to you
i faintly remember her voice

when i am high in the mountains
call out to me
like i wish you would

i have only now
learned of my brokenness
i have only now learned
of things beyond my knowledge

how many times
must i admit my fault
how many times
must i pull my foot
out of my mouth
i do not relish the taste of soil
you know i am a foolish fool
i cannot speak for you bitterness

my truth is different now
though unlived, uncovered, unbound
all but unrelinquished

i am swept under the rug of your past life
the splinters of the floor flaking away from the boards
we too will turn to dust

I knew nothing about this would be easy

Parasite to my peace
Shadow man
Sinking his teeth
Into my solid living
He is liquid in memory
I, semi-permeable in my strength
Do not let me slip
Pull me from the edge

I just become little granules of sugar and salt as the days go by
Is this is the spice of life
Am I a pleasant flavour
That I would linger apon your lips
So that I may die in your stomache
That I would be tasted as a kiss
For but one breath of your life

I beheld the lantern sky
It was as if you were born into it
Another candle to warm the desolation
Another light for the desperate
You are already one with the earth
The heavens did not send you
You came anyway
To find in yourself, what cannot be spoken
These dreams and visions given to you
With their seams threaded into the universe, were not meant to find their way upon your tongue
Oh how well your fingers make them know to me
All that you make, as an extension of yourself
Is not in vain
Though wrought in folly
As fools live among us as if they were the wise
How shameful is the way they carry their head
Is there no better place than upon their shoulders
A monsters face will find it's place
As do all things, in the lantern sky
Constellations are eternal, even in the temporary
Can one light hold the nocturnal wraiths at bay
Still you light it
That the fates may see
Searching for wicks, in the lantern sky

I feel deep again

The thinner air
At the bottom
Of the gulley

I do not remember
The taste of fresh air
Nor will it return to me

Would that I could hide in shadows thick as cloth
I would wrap myself in darkness and never be lost
Though demons and the sun fall from the sky
I may never learn how to dance unless I learn to try
You know not the extent of darkness I carry
But if you understood, then you would be overcome with worry

1.2014.

My throat narrows
Vision tunnels
At the sight of you

I am flightless
Beneath the sky
At the mercy
Of a breaking dawn

Have I always been
Shallow waters
Against your ocean trenches
We will go out
With the tide

The smooth rocks
Upon the shore
Will murmur
Of our devotion

Until they too are sand

I have water hands
And oh! The life they bring
To many things
Yet be cautious in your drinking
For water can overwhelm so rapidly
Rivers flood in spring

Chaos is fluid
We think in concepts
Water is life
And yet all of this is a single stone
Thrown in a chasm of knowledge in this eternity

Reminder:

You aren't responsible for how people treat you.
The reflection of themselves is a mirror you don't need to back.

Xoxo

Pulling string riddled through my mindlessness
Never took me places I should of gone

I found in the dark
Things wrought in moonlight and tears of lost lovers
How beautiful they would be
Sparkling in the light of the sun

I need you as you are
You changed.
I slept, fool that I am

I am dying now, shuddering to think
That I will live another day
It will be a day I live alone

There is nothing sadder to my soul
Than one set of footprints in the sand
The oceans claims them just the same

In the frailty of my mind
I wonder
Do dreams come true
Or nightmares found a way to sweeten themselves

Sigh

The night never ends
She just takes coffee breaks
I just break
Break up
Break apart
Drift among the uncertainty
With one hand clasping the necklace around my throat
The other holding a rose pricking my fingers

I shudder to think
So I close my mind
Running circles in my skull
Just wearing out the floor
Just wearing out the floor