I stand at the door
And knock
But my nuckles as hopeless as the hands that guide them
Oh full moon
Bathe me in gentleness
That as you set
I will rise
To fill the emptiness
Just one more star in the sky

The clocks will toll
Ah, the midnight hour
My soul again
Will leech out my fingertips

The centre; will not hold
We bear the weight
On the back of our shoulders
The beams they groan
The floorboards no longer creak
I am falling

I will trick my belly into thinking she is full
Just as I have fooled my heart

A hollow voice
She answers my call
Singing out
Into the night
Silence, my only companion
Has abandoned me
For those who do not curse their own name
I am the fool
In the forest
Moss between the bareness of my feet
Nothing but shame to cover my nakedness
I bite my tongue
The blood comes forth
Clenching my jaw
Will not warm my bones
The night carries me
As a wild river
I find no rest in the trees tonight

To hold hands with your mind
As time gave a kiss to your cheek
Everything
Even the beginning of the end of the world
It's just
-so cold
Yet we don't try to light fires
We just
-break hearts
Break ourselves
And try to walk around with casts around our chests
And gauze falling out our ears
Because people say things that make our eyes cry
But oh do they make our minds weep
-and wail
Somehow through all of this
-this everything
The "so much"
We are just so ****** empty
-so ******
So so empty
It eats us out from the core
To the husk of our words
Biting into the back of our throat
Just to get
- a taste
Of soul

Having a soul
And acting so ******* soulless
That's your favorite pastime
It really does
- pass time
Unfortunately its past time

My feet will walk me through the iron wrought gates
I'll lay in my own grave
My desperation lowering me into the earth

Finally.

Something to claim me
-hold me
It won't let go

I know naught of your ways
Such as your gods know nothing of me

It feels like I'm choking
And there is nothing in my throat
But I can taste the regret in my mouth
I can't breath
Can't cope
Living is hell
But dying?
She is a slippery *****

I wish to rage against all the constructs of this world
Against every little constraint
Yet I find my spirit to gentle
And my voice to soft to carry itself
The sun has not yet died
And my feet still carry themselves on the topside of the earth
The strength in my bones does nothing for the restlessness that I cannot shake

The heart in my chest
Has grown cold of late
Lonliness, she eats away at me.

I have taken my heart
Into my own hands
But she has pulled
What little warmth
Was left in my fingers

Now with cold hands
And a frozen heart
I pass into the night

I came to your table with clean hands
But a ***** mouth
Still you would not feed me

I carry this weight
As if it were the whole world

You would rather pick the petals to put on my casket
Than take back a word you have said

Even in the chaos of my mind
I try to make peace with you

You would not have to ask
The way to my heart
If you had one yourself

You spilled your heart out
Like popcorn on the sidewalk

We could arm the heavens
With the weight of our words
Pressing our beating hearts
Into the wrapping of the atmosphere
That they would burn
And be burned out among the stars
That it would all catch fire
To be consumed by flame
And taken by the fear dancing in your eyes

We would stand in the smoke
Breathing in, until we were spent out
Just to find the warmth
That touches more than skin
To feed our soul that has hungered
Has ached
And been starved for a taste of bliss
We rage on against the dying of the Light
As though she would meet us herself in battle
That we would shield ourselves against the immortals
Those who have seen, and known
But would not be caught up by any that hold one hand with fear
Yet clutch at hope
While they lie ,through their gnashing teeth, to the face of death
Thinking to buy one more day
With spent out yesterdays

If only we knew better
If only we listened
To the whispers in the trees
Who speak with caution
That fire burns
And fire kills
To make a space for new things to grow
Yet all that burns is dust to dust
And ashes to ashes

You were a millennia of love
A passion I tasted
For but one lifetime of the moon
And as I held your hand
Against the eons
And you whispered unto my soul
Every secret bound within your immortality
To show me what it is
To give meaning to something
When you have had nothing
And could have everything under the sun
You gave up to me
All the ways you could die
Yet I find nothing but life
In the age of your expanse
And in the quiet of your touch
So pour into me
As I am spent out upon you
That we would make a spark
To be a momentary star
In the sky of the eternal

I am a crime scene
There is blood on the walls

To want after you
Is a dream
I dare not close my eyes to see
Unquenchable
Is everything you awaken in me
So dreamer lay
Just as you are
With a thirst in your soul
That I may drink
Until nought a drop be left
For the sun to claim

There are moments that I cling to
With a clenched fist in the back of my head
Sometimes, in agony, my hands pound against the back of my skull
It is a resounding cry, though it changes naught
Only leaving little cracks to match the ones in my heart

And like these memories there are things, tangible things, that I touch with my own to hands
These things have been given to me by life and lovers alike
And just as I keep my memories locked in the back of my mind
These things I keep tucked away

These pieces are the left behinds of those passing through
I keep them in a box
Like a memory bank for the past

It is a box of scars that holds together what was my souls bleeding, faded but not forgotten

And as you left me as I am
With pieces of fabric in my hands
This thought traces my mind
And as I put you away I cannot help but think that you are just
Another one for the box
When I wanted everything with you and everything for you
Maybe even happiness
Maybe more
Just another one for the box

This empty bottle has told me all her secrets
Still I hope for more
Like a thirst unquenchable

I tear away at myself
At everything that I have become
The lining of my lungs separates
And I pull her out of my throat,
and she slips through my teeth
As a ghost in the night
And a final breath
That had been spent to soon
She was told to wait
For the ticking of the clock to be silenced

These dreams, they cling
To the corners of my skull
Knocking together in the night
For warmth, for stamina
If each be just a drop of water
It is still enough to drown all else out

Like change in my pockets
Clutched between clammy fingers
And rings that turn my thieving fingers green
Are these memories I hold of you
I dare not let them slip through my fingers
Yet here I find myself
All spent out

These thieving fingers
Have stolen days
Stolen hearts
And left nothing in return
But two or three petals from a fading flower

Such is life
But to awaken each day
And to look for sleep at the end
Yet we paint our faces
With our bleeding, broken hearts
Oh some smiles, how red they are
Try as you might
You cannot wipe away the pain
So let it bleed
Until it has bled out
And still scars hold things together tighter than your hands ever could

To be who you are now
Is to know who you were then
And find no shame in either
For life is not made of guilt
Only the lessons found in remembrance

I was just your halfway house
When all I wanted to be was your home

I look to you
As my guiding light
As if
You were the only star in the sky

When I bit the inside of my cheek
I expected the taste of anger
To pour into my mouth and down my throat
I didn't know the pain that would also coat my tongue
And catch in my throat

I hated it
I hated this

But this taste,
Oh that I could spit it out
Or wash it down
Yet no matter how hard I tried
It burned
Oh it burned
The whole way down
To think, to know
And remember

Everything that you said was a blow to the face
Still I turn the other cheek

Hope still, as I would
But you would never know what it is to be gentle, or kind

I suppose the difference between us was so simple
That you need look no further than our hands
Mine, within each other, clammy and clamped together, like every word that I bit back
Yours, a fist in your pocket and a fist behind your back, and oh how you loved to hurt me

You held my hands in your own
You looked down and saw the scars on my palms
And then looked me in the eyes and asked, "who hurt you?"
I quietly replied, "everyone who said they wouldn't."

I call out
Not to disturb the quiet
But to give some substance
To the expanse
My voice.
She will return to me
Though not as she once was
And not the same as she left
For time will change her
Give her depth
Oh that she will teach me
All that has been sewn into her

the fall has come
and the harvest shall soon be here
all this change, still I am reminded
of but one thing
of how you reap among the world
looking for the turmoil in quiet souls
so you can start their thrashing about
you thresh peace
and beat her into the floor
as though she was naught
but a nail come loose from the floorboards

I just want to be alone
In a field
Beneath the boughs
Of a weeping willow
It may be sunny or the sky cast over
But I will shut my eyes from the world just the same

You've told me
That I always have the right words to say
But I wish I knew
The right things to do
When I feel you falling apart
You heart
That is so big, breaking into millions of pieces that don't just shatter on the floor,
But are stomped on
And crushed into dust that is blown among the aching you have felt for so long

I have given you hugs.
I have held you.
There has never been a time where I could ever want to let you go
Because one embrace can mean everything when your whole world is falling apart
I know we make things 'better' for each other
But I pray to God that one day you will taste the sunshine
That you will have a 'best'
It seems we take one step forward and then just as quickly
We are dragged back by the same hands we thought we had made our way free of
This is life
She is bitter
And sweet
But we could not taste one without the other
sigh

To feel your heart break
Oh, that is one thing
But to watch the world break the heart of an angel
Oh, that is far worse
I wish I could kiss all your pain away
As easily as one wipes a tear
The heart of God grieves for you
Even now as I feel for you
Because everything you are
Even in your abundant brokenness
Is beautiful
And I will love you in all things
And through all things
For are not the stars in the sky
Scars made by the birth of the world
Still we look to them
As if they are the light in the eyes of those we love

You made me think it was okay to keep going
Even if it didn't get  better
Even if I didn't do better
That somehow my something was enough
It was because you gave your all
Even though you thought it was so little
That I wanted to give everything
So that we could give so much together
Like oxen pulling at a yoke

And maybe that is not much to you
Or even to anyone else
But it was hope to me
And it has changed everything

In a way
You taught me how to love
To be kind
Because you showed me kindness
When I found myself less than deserving
God bless you for such my friend

I hate the way you know me
Because a child dancing in the street cares more about my heart that you would ever dare

The world would be a different place if we let boys cry.

You have let Life teach you what it is to live by the light of the moon - when she had no daylight to give you
Though often those who have lived these lives
Have let their kindness be robbed of them
And their joy lay stagnant like pools of water
Such are you to drink daily of the cup that overflows
So such your spirit quenches
And she will know no drought

The truth and liqour
They are both hard to swallow
Neither go down easy
It is not fair for one to bring the other out

I have lived a whole lifetime today
and I think that is why it took kissing you drunk too learn how to love you sober

You told me that there was no end to darkness
That she was the all-reaching
A younger eternal
Still much more than I in existence
A higher being
To my dispermenance

I took this as truth
And swallowed her as water and whiskey
She burned like fire and quenched my thirst as one

Time
Has gone on
And things, dreams
And vision
Oh how they have come to pass

The truth that I had took
She has sat in my belly
And looked through my veins
She saw no stars, but has made constellations in me

I changed.
She is the same,
But she has made me not quite as I was before
Since now I am different - so she seems to be more
Though it does not make me less

While my words may not be for you
It is something said
And so it remains something spoken
Even as it sits on my tongue
Such that I could pull it through my teeth

The Darkness, she wants me
And the angels around me
Oh that their words of caution were more than whispers in the wind
I have a deaf soul
But she sees signs and wonders
Just as they are meant to be know  -by those who have walked the way the eternal has lain bare for them

There is no contrast to be found in this darkness
You have sparks, but no light
But hope will bring you through all things
Even as the storm is coming
Even as the storm is here
Where no ending is found
You will make a new beginning

As bad as it was when you left
It was foolish for me to stay

I have no peace in me tonight
I have waged this war against all my days
It wearies me as never before
I fight with words
Yet you have lain such a seige against me
With the fire licking flames from off your tongue
My gates, they will not hold
I will succumb to the fire and she will burn me up from the inside
As if I were made of dry kindling and oil

The thought of smoke fills my lungs
I bite the back of a cigarette like it was a shell between my teeth
She tastes of death and the promise of hope
It is just a thought
Yet it eats away at me as if it were a famine

Still there is no peace to be found
Not in the palm of either of these fists
Or in the dreams that will pass through my sheets tonight
Oh that you would find a quiet thought that I could hold
To change the way the world creeps into my mind while I sleep

No peace for me tonight

You were the kind to look through the pockets of the dead for loose change
So it was no surprise to me when I felt your hands on my body even as it was still warm

You were born from your mother's religion of peace
You came from your father's belief of war
With a rosary in your hand for your sins
And a bullet clenched between your teeth to remind you of both strength and weakness
Every battle you fight with your hands is nothing
Compared to the war you wage against yourself

It was the worst being with you
Even near you


Still I feel like I got off easy

My soul and my words
Each to live their own life
Yet in the end
My body shall sleep in one coffin

It was the almost remorseful way you still held your hand around the hilt of the dagger that you stabbed into my back

these words are not worship, they are penance

You ghost write my life
And now my bones are haunted
You were the demons in the dark
And now I am just a possession