I am not lost
Even though you have left me
It is only much to quiet now
You were my lifesong
I am strong still
Now it is much to silent

The little girl in the white dress that I used to see in the mirror visited me in my dreams, and the words she spoke to me crawled off of her tongue like a spider on the walls, she whispered, "you think you are the reason that the sun dies at the end of every day, fool, you are the reason she rises every morning."

I think the tears that slip out the corners of your eyes when you are laying on your back in your bed are the saddest

I can go back years in my mind
And still that changes nothing for today
What is done is dead
But not yet buried
This grave tempts me to lie in it
And my weariness coaxes me along
A few tears are running, silently, down my cheeks
The darkness, she always cries with me
New sheets do naught for old dreams
And new lovers do nothing for old scars
This girl, who runs on sand and streets alike
If you chased her,
And caught her,
She would wind you like a thread around her finger,
And tell you all the secrets of the world
Her heart is cleaved in half
She felt the breaking.
Yet somehow she is put together just so,
Just so, perfectly
The ground she lays upon is cold
Her nails scratch against the tombstones as she rises
Likewise, the sun is climbing her way into the morning
We will bury this night with shovels full of dirt
Enough has been said while the moon is full
To be silent for today
Enough has been said for tomorrow
To be silent today

A day will pass
Another lifetime in its rising
Ropes they are cut with scissors and heartbreak
Endings are sewn into your pockets and the backs of your hands
And such as today is just a whisper to tickle your ear
So tomorrow will call like the dream you slept beneath as it rings the planet in its honesty

Sometimes I only have endings in me
And just as the buds are beautiful in the Spring
The plucking of dead leaves has its place in the world

The clock she sings
And I tremble for a moment
My memories laced into to many people
"Never enough time," I mutter, "never enough time. To tell those that I love, that I am with them always."

Your mother she held you so tight before
Now all that clings to you is funeral shrouds
Let the bells toll
Let the choir sing
The angels are coming to awaken the dead
Your mother she stands at the foot of your bed
Death the sweet taste, kissing your lips
It will linger into the cold of the ground
As they lay your body all the way down
Six feet dug, for just one soul
The bells ring out, a final toll

Come to me
With your stone cold hands
Come to me
Whatever you are running from
Come to me
I willd hold you close

You feel alone
And fear your only companion

Come to me
It's okay to leave everything you know
Come to me
We will journey on
Come to me
I've been waiting for you

I'm waiting for you

If I tried to make myself make sense to you, I would tell you that I am emotionally abandoned

Part of me was left on the side of the interstate traveling from Okay to Not Okay and is wandering around in a corn field

Maybe she will find a ride home, but some things while they are sought for no matter how much the chance of probability are still lost

Yet her grave is not yet dug

I tell myself that I cannot do this
That it is beyond my capabilities
But still it speaks for itself
That I have done everything so far
Even more than I needed to you
Things like loving you

You can be anything or anyone that you want
But maybe it would suit you best to be everything you are

I lay barren in my dreams
The words you whispered into my head echoed as if they had been a cry for water in the dessert
I have dug my bed
Now I lie unwittingly in this grave
These sheets a tangle
Wrapped to the corner posts
Bound around my wrists
Like chains around my neck
I am a slave to foolishness
And I fear I will master nothing
This night she is a maiden
Though she fancies virtue naught
Her companions are a silver sliver of a moon caught in the bows of a pine
Orion's scythe wrought in metal made of stars
And the dying whispers of every poor sinner to kiss the back of her hand
She keeps dreams bound about her waist
A corset of nightmares
Still my foolishness is great
But my fear even greater
Would that I could close my eyes
And awake a poor dreamer from slumber
Still I cannot shut them
My muscles bid me wishes in vain
Still I cannot find the voice
To shovel my own ****** eulogy into the earth
Still I cannot make a way
To rise from this hell, after a life of raising hell
Would you watch me
As I passed
Through this night and on into the eternal
I am nothing to this earth but a foolish handful of ash
Blown into the wind
To chase my way into the beyond

You blew your lies in my face
And it was not just the smoke that agitated me
More the time thay you took kindle the fire
Even though you didn't care how much I got burned

TW: graphic imagery

I bled watercolors
And you cared only for the art
For pain you did not feel on your own you made no empathy for

You told me about my bleeding
That it was a beautiful way to adorn the walls
So I dug my nails into my palms
Raked them along my arms,
where you used to write your love,
And let the paint pour out
Let the pain pour out
Down my wrists it ran
My fingertips coated like brushes dipped to deep into a ***

I smeared my hands along the walls
And I ran among the hallways
My palms leaving a wake
Still the tide, it did not go out

I wandered on
Like a ghost in my own house
Pouring myself out
Onto all the walls I had built up
In a way I tore them down
And in a way they broke me
I slammed my fists against them
Every door I had locked shook
And I put my hand on the handle
Praying that they would open
It seems no matter how strongly I feel
Nothing gives way

I sat on the floor
Everything beneath me splintering into my soul
My breathing was heavy and labored
Though my heartbeat was weaning away
My palms open now to the sky
And I pressed handprints into the wall
Pushing everything away
As you had pushed me so many times

So I feel to much
Say to little
And have no wanderings I can journey home from

But still you tell me
There is beauty in the bleeding
You.
Are the beauty in the bleeding

I want quicksand love
That you sink into
A grave for my past
It is dug
Now bury all things
How else will I find a place
To plant flowers
To grow
I am coming up from the earth
Relinquish the wind unto my soul
Let her breath into me
Every memory she has carried in her wings
I want this
And it is nothing to the world but grains of sand
Still in its little
It is everything to me
Light me now
Like the edge of the horizon
As the sun falls into a lake of fire
To pass into tomorrow
A birth shadowed only by all I see in you

So maybe there is this
And I still see that I am nothing
But a vessel
And as such I am -infinitely nothing
So fill me up

I want to write for you
But sometimes I have no words
To string together like lights
I have only this love

My tongue can taste the moisture in the air
It is thick with longing for the nightfall
But my bones are dry and brittle
The will break soon, and my heart with it
Still I will carry myself into the dying of the sun

I melt down your body like wax
It is a painful descent
And a slippery *****
I made the mistake
Of crawling inside your head
I can never look you in the eyes again
For when I was behind your sockets
Sweat marathoning down my temples
I saw things no man should see
It was beyond me
And now this evil
It is a part of me

What have I become

please

Please help me.

To see is to know
Though believing is another thing
And that changes naught
And I have seen
Oh I have seen
More than my eyes were meant for
Is this why I am cast away?
Is this why I'm a castaway?

I have lost all composure
And my solutions worth as much as the pennies in my pockets

Still I melt
And my wick grows shorter
As does my stamina
I am a wretch
And still it would be a mercy
To pull my eyes out through my skull
And let them rot in the sunlight
Even this is better than the dragons
Reigning fire in my mind

The earth
She would swallow me whole
Oh that she would eat me up in a moment
Rid me of this meandering
Take me from this hell
Still I wander
Though I lack perception
Still I tread on
Blind, foolish one that I am

Oh that the grey heavens would split open
Like a cavernous monster
And pour onto the earth
All her sorrows and pain

I get stuck in those moments
Like a video call with a bad connection
And I can't redial
To reconnect
With myself

I would breathe my last breath into you
And I would know
Why some say
The taste of death is so sweet

If you asked me now
To my face
What I would have wished for
Since before birth
While I was still in the womb
To have, and carry
With me to the extinguishing
Of my numbered days
My answer would be such
And I would spit it
Into your face, your throat
And your eyes
So that it burned like hellfire
Into your stomach
I would need you to know
But more importantly remember
Like a scar
On the back of your hand
And a thought piercing your mind

It would be nothing foolish
Though futile nonetheless
I would not ask for a life without pain
Or the riches of the streets
That I awake the dust from
It would be just this

Spare me
Spare me the hopelessness
Let me not even taste it
Like metal in my mouth
And smoke from a dying fire
In my breath

Spare me the hopelessness
The mental end of the rope
The end of the line
The no more track,
We have already come to far
You can turn back
But for what
But
For what
And for who
And why

Just
Spare me the hopelessness

This life tried to take me by the horns
The world tried to lead me by a leash
And I choked
Choked out
On misery and despair
And I lay naked on the ice
With my nails scratching into the frozen ground
Trying to dig my own grave
Still trying to light my existence like a match
Just to feel
Feel something
And have it over take me
But still be unchanged
To taste
But not be consumed

I wanted to live
To wade in the water
To pour my love out
Like a river over the cliffs
And dash myself
With the waterfalls
Over the rocks
Again and again
And again

I would meet you in the stars
And we could dance with the sun
Coaxing her into a rising
To drench the horizon with her light
And the fill the earth with promise

And if you asked me
What would you take from the rest of the world
I would be silent
Fold my hands
Like a prayer in my lap
But my mind she would run
To the back of my teeth
And my voice she would catch
In the hollow of my neck
And what I wouldn't say is that, "I would take,
Take it all,
Ever bit of hope
From east and west and beyond the seas."

Because to fall into this
The tunnel with no light at the end
Is a death
I cannot live out

So spare me
Spare me the hopelessness

The angels wittled these words
Into the back of my head
And when I awoke in the morning
Liquor leeching out my veins
The pounding in my skull I heard
Like a chant and a prayer
Said such;

God's not a masochistic


I need you to know
In a world that blames the almighty
For the mundane and monotonous
That the one who can cease
The river of life to flow
Isn't showering you with pain
He just wants his plants to grow

You will speak again
When the full moon rises
My lips quiver
In anticipation
Kiss me now
With the light of the stars

I walk barefoot
On the pads of my toes
Down cobblestone streets
This is North
She is cold
But welcoming

I carry
The bottom half of my heart
In my left hand
And the top half of my thoughts
In my right
My hands are full
My heart broken
And my thoughts in disarray
Come walk with me
And you will know the truth

I do not wear my heart
Upon my sleeve
But still it beats
In palm and chest alike
Would that I could
Shake your hand
And give you
My fondest memories
It is not such
And still I wander along
To find an angel
Who's chest
I can place my heart into
To find a sinner
To take these thoughts
But I am lost
Lost
Lost with no direction

You are the sting of a needle in my skin
It is a bite
And a kiss
To make something beautiful

I firmly believe
That to become wise
You must experience new foolishness
Everyday
Like you feed yourself
Food from hand to mouth
Fresh fruit
Plucked from the vine
So is wisdom
Thus is life