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ghostgirl Feb 2019
I gasp for air.
I see waterwalls, the river and the trees.
The whole abby has opened to me.
It whispered all the hidden secrets.
I sit down and listen.
Cause it so magical.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
if i consider myself anything, it is a considered stance of being an anti-linguist... given i inherited a language that applies diacritical markings, and i am using a language that simply "forgot" to apply the stressors... naturally i was prone in rejecting the linguistic "alphabet"... e.g. the alpha (α) /ˈælfə/ & the omega (ω) /ˈəʊmɪɡə/... so yeah, if i identify as anything, it's as an anti-linguist.

every time i solve a sudoku puzzle
i promise myself
it will be the last time i try to
conceptualiße it...
  i think i figured it out... finally!
it's based on a fraction...
    
four ninths* (4/9) -
        i.e. 0.44444... (ad infinitum) -

but in terms of wording
the conceptualißation?
     the only concept that comes
close to sudoku, is ensō
   (en-soo, alt.
              omicron [ó] vs. ω [ō])
                  drawing a perfect circle
with but one stroke...
  súdoku borrows much from
ensō... much...
  you can't actually make
a mistake in solving a súdoku
puzzle...
           you require a sharp mind
akin to watching waterwalls,
                 cascading uninterrupted...
that's for disregarding diacritical marks
you bunch of ****-sodden *******!

why did i break up with my
fiance? many reasons...
   (a) i was given a silver spoon
to shove up my *** as a symbol
of a marriage-to-be made consumate...
never mind...
(b) she didn't appreciate the band
   placebo...
come on! the bonus c.d. on
           sleeping with ghosts?
   the covers?!
  (b1) placebo's cover of
                          boney m's daddy cool,
(b2)             "       the smiths
                               bigmouth strikes again...
(b3) placebo's pure morning
   (b4) placebo's special needs...
and she was the one who introduced me
to in extremo and
        Дельфин (dolphin) and that
cursed song Весна (spring / wiosna);

well, thank **** the reasons for a break-up
boil down to the utmost trivial...
           it makes for a great joke,
a source for uninhibited writing that
keeps perpetuating itself in cyclones of
randomißed memory...
    and every time i try to exhaust
   a different perspective of
   rodin's the kiss statue?
               i end up asking to be hanged upside
down, still sketching the **** thing...
i still find that engagement ring she
put on her finger,
                to be a binding contract
that transcend human laws and human whims...
very ******* islamic of me to state
such an abdication of any other will...
               for the past 10 years
i've been repenting the the six months
together... wishing that she entered
a room, that wasn't filled with soap-bubbles,
but filled, entirely, with balloons
on one of her birthdays...
                          but **** me...
   ever lived in central edinburgh?
  those flats have ceilings high as the sky...
   that sort of room would take a **** load of
balloons to fill it...
   ah well... at least i can sweetly reminisce...
  of what was, or what could have been...
       and thank **** it only happens
when i write something down
      and when i'm drinking...
                  **** going back to those days...
set me up with that ukranian *******
who said i was a good person...
        with that golden tooth...
                        and in the dim lighting...
i'm done giving any more of myself for
a gamble on the equivalent of
a mariana trench of intimacy till old
age and death consecrate the will presented
upon the altar of motrality,
  in that promise of the sacrament of
marriage before god...
          meaning? i get to keep my now apparent
                                        steinherz.
Prettyboyfloyd Dec 2024
Water under the bridge and me
How knowledge turn banal missing verbs and dots from wisdom called absurd like time because of watches late when neither knows the right answer to be, i dont know. instead of eating poison just because starving, to throw a coin out of reach, like promise without words to keep like words without truth pointless like the journey without destination, youth without home, without roots not tree but a platation nor a name to keep to keep to care for, but a spring and summer, like the finger that pointed handed saying blessed and holy for hundred folds is told god to repay what isnt and should must. The careless ones that care too much to act or advice. Like the ones knowing the most speaking the least. First one can teach to cry one must learn, like to worry for a concern, bad for good. Like an excuse instead of an answear   of all the questions due, and then i hear: anythings better than hemlock, sounds to me like crosses seem some left behind in gones unwilling or unable or foolish, but not foolish to as love but more to hate as intentionless so godful one, as godles the other. Not as hope that doesnt believe but faith that doesnt hope, like the scars and the wounds like lions and pride like storm rains time that comes in soon is the time that went after time from time to went to come to you and me and you and me to come to care for, careless and carefull like about the rainbow we used to, once talked in thunders and birds screams and the field roads of passway  rocks fallin in mountains under the beatin of hooves of fate free and reason and language and time of salvation a dream we dream about and inviolet heaven a bedlike welcome awaitin all them men of all them boys whose love loves better than mens more than a son a father and father son to home how we greet is what gives that name to that house of great our fathers and our fathers god we too dare to bother to seek  our pay with a dream to awake from once our stomach fed not starving for morrows to die in but days to live close and as humble as honest the heart of the heart we call soul gave a think and roads enough to name one a wanderer indeed wandered and wishesh wished at star fall and prayers whispered to the safe of his palms for fools call foolish every time and for gods call theirs unlike men once therefore always like the said spoken a beggar begs the landlord a meal we beg your charity to grant us you already granted like the landlord the spring and responsibility to brother and duty in disguise every now and then with a new story to end and to sing about like a dove with broken wing, sheep without shepard and voice without sound and silence like god to stay unknown for all  to have to think of, like air like love we breath every breath a scent of instinct an inspiration to know better like heart beats beatless and unknowingly like all we forget but remember. Like all we pass be dying, and all we do and say to mind to dont matter yet to matter like to think to think twice, how many wrongs it takes for a right, as wars to battle to peace and roads to step to meet, tears to cry to see a brother and thorns to a king and kingdom and its dom to heaven get near of far already had come, did never leave nor left like the sun the day and yes a question to not  answer like today tommorow is and yesterday never was as long is cohen writin hallelujah like davinci paints mona lisa, still the beggar asking for a slice is the least, always.

Sometimes i think of water sometimes of the bridge. His wisdom is wise but not profound but ultimate, its emotion like music does to soul to embrace but not hold to kiss for but the cheek to know like love to never give yet never take, speak when spoken, to laugh and without a reason to have a reason many times for rivers to move alike free to run out or walk away just two of the poorest choices of transport, as to get insulted or insult a choice to decide for controll being out of yet free to have a share in meal but not in the song, just as the worda have meaning so do they have reason, which he built his life its laws and gods and decided to be in controll and be free like to do and have done to perfect to complete, he understood we go in morning where we say before night, people are never as sick as they say nor is it ever as bad as it seems or good as one thinks when thinks right never as wrong as never wrong when thinks. Knows only thinks. Doesnt think knows. Before mind a word to speak to cross silence like time to call out to question its patience  to deeds to get done never heared say more than at times havin nothin to say what to pay a privilige to hope or death, door or key, nerves or lack of focus to blame hearts dont listen locked, and before the last dies, so does the week after the last day, so the hope we hoped in was everywhere around, while we called it death where we never been what we could have been drunk and travel with song and the boys a wicked a smile to cherish and band to one word instead like devajah, and with devajah life saved, eternity granted and by stars be shining and falling and devajah to blind to see, by making them look, lame to walk by forgiving the ways of sins and sinners for sake of love asked to part from evil.  

Sometimes i think to drown, sometimes to learn to swim, sometimes to set sail i think to have somewhere to sitq The idea of control is to not have it just as the hunger the strive of soul that searches with knowledge of only known to dont know and free will is only it takes to find it, therefore to find the path that turns to understanding and wells by green lakes with swan and benches and shores to turn inward full of kindness and waterwalls all as welcoming as the surface that echoes every leaf every drop and seed of poppy in one whirl of will at hand of might and on tip of my tongue the reason of able to sense the pain the cause of mistake a lesson in every mirror i see after suddenly like to recall a trivial of some of past and smile, how simple once we understand. Meaning i guess: sad is not sad, nor is happy, as long not perfectly happy with being sad. Nothing is boring except us, if so   so it is with shame just as blame you can a bag to command a man to carry, but guilt is only selfmade why air in that bag bigger than me, of world the half, of hell the cover and heaven everything else, im wearing. Control is not about doing what you want but to want to do what you are. Freedom means act accordingly and slavery to force and be forced. There is a great song: you gotta serve somebody. Like hour to minute, minutes to hour, steps to footprint on the road where you want to be or want to go. Freedom is not in control but control in freedom. Not fencing our loves but facing our fears. Water under the bridge and me thoughts of all the bridges and all the rivers and me's waitin there patiently the great waterendin...
                                  and i laugh.

Water under the bridge and me thinking there be something wrong with me beside the great waterendin.
                      ...and i laugh again.
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