yeah, but you didn't love me
"who says I didnt"
and I pull down my vneck and show you all the scabs that were once hickeys
you say you're sorry but your apology sounds like you're asking me to pardon you for not remembering whether or not you put them there and I swear to God I will never lover another man like I'm shivering in the middle of winter again
i wrote my best poetry about you
I've never been afraid of the dark but I'm terrified of you
my tummy growls all the time and you think I'm forever hungry
but the honest to God truth is
my stomach has trained itself to clench in desperation whenever your deception hurts too much
and I am nervous around anyone who shares our world because you've never spoken mine but I've muttered yours like a mantra and in the end Im the fool and you the stop.
i keep saying I've had enough, I'm leaving
but each time I do, I conjure up the image of you laying in your bed dancing to songs I can't fathom to call mistakes
and it makes me smile so much how adorable you are just then
and I pack all the shame and misery you've poured onto me,
I put you and all the horrendous things you've done before me and stay
cause even though you've done nothing but make a mockery , a fiend out of me
still
the last thing I  want to do is hurt you
i am so hurt and because on numerous accounts I have dropped to my knees ripped to shreds on your honour
like your word is a holy relic and
godforbid I go against it
yet all you've ever done is take and take and take
chunks of me like I'm not disabled
myself in need of things to keep me whole
I walk a line of shame cause everyone who knows us call be a mirror bc I'm always bending for you like light
never questioning why and
all you ever do is reflect my  flexibility to a few that judge me anyway
I think I'm done being yours
(who am I fooling I never really was , you never really coined ownership at me I just kept begging for your acceptance and it never came)
but now I'm as hurt as America was when Benedict betrayed her and it hurts real bad I can feel it in my veins like the roots of a lemon tree protruding out my thinning arm skin
and I can't even show anyone
cause they'll just laugh and whisper behind me
like this has been a secret everyone was keeping from me
you've fooled me into the smoothest heartbreak I begged myself not to suspect
and I owe it to my dad not to let myself be that girl for you anylonger
you've broken my heart in angles ever set squares couldn't fathom and im barely able to breathe
I pray God gives me the strength not to go back to you cause this is the most humiliation I can ever endure
-Allie