Thick fog
muffling street lights,
confusing shadows,
smoothing edges.
Silent stretch of phantom arms,
damp embrace.
Smothering distance
veiled:
harsh city vanishes.
As wondrous as it is eerie.
****** into its vacume of nothingness.
Spellbound.

We were all nameless when we came here
You tattooed your skin with your fear of death
Its only emptiness feeling holes
And inability to feel whole
Inadequacies

I jump at opportunity
See a void and be swallowed
I'm all that I am
Become a vacume
And a happy martyr
I only want what's best for you
And worse for me

You tattooed your skin with your inferiority
And feel ashamed
As the science and psychology prove your weakness
Is my strength
All that I am
Is good enough
For death.....

You weren't good enough for life
Not without the hand of man
To change the writing
From the hand of god

I can talk to you about the stars and the sun.
I can talk to you about Technicolor and the different shades of gray.
I can talk to you about the heat from the earths core.
Or the freezing temperatures from the vacume of space.
I can talk to you about books and their scent.
Old tomes with stories of love and heartache.
I can talk to you about war and peace.
Politics and race
I can, talk to you about most anything.

What I can not do is talk of Love and the drugs it exhumes.
I can not talk of longing for all the things this world teases us with.

But I can talk to you about desire and suffering.
For that is what you are to me.
What others are to you.
We desire
So we suffer.
One of many lessons taught by the great master.
You know this to be true.

I've been here before
So many times
My brain erases the memories
Can't hold this discordant pain
It happens again
This feeling--must record this
Evidence that proves
Not forget, never forget

I am grieving
Something important to me is being lost
It is sad to me, doesn't matter what it is
The line to my family runs dead
Sympathy should exist here
but never did
An echoing space
A roar of nothingness
The sound of a large empty room
where life should be, but isn't
the  mirage of the safety net of love disappears
Like 2pac's hologram--so real but then absolutely gone
I fall into the abyss, a black hole
pulls me forever deeper into the vacume

Curl up in the corner of nothingness with the pain
Soothe the self with the self
Watch life whip by outside
where I was before this hit
Remember the concern of aquaintances
who mimicked a worried friend
because I was in their way
And like my family
they have now vanished

All these women
Making contact, connections
With their eyes
Across vacume space
created by their interest
What power
What draw

The secret to gravity must then be feminine
A black hole pulling In
Shooting out the most energetic beams
Ever recorded

A center with wich to spin around
swirl and atract
Meld, melt and mold
Forming us men
Out of elements previously non existant
Fused by their mass,
Into the titans we think, feel, we are.

I don't think they know
And maybe a good thing too
That they were always more powerful
Be it on a stake with flame
Or in the bedroom dreams of Kings.

And I’ve realized the time,
Like suddenly the light in your eyes is blinding
And here we stand wondering why we are in such similar places at such similar times and yet so far from each others hearts
And I stand on your balcony wondering in what timeline we align like a thousand stars shooting at the same time it was never meant to be
And I wonder about you
And about me
And about love
And being free
And maybe some day in some alternate universe we can shine as we shoot across the sky with our trails entertwined
But I know this dream of mine must stay trapped inside my mind because I have too many questions
And you seem to know the answers
Because you always do
And I’ve tried my hardest to keep this heart of mine under lock and key
But we’re approaching the one year anniversary of when my life fell to pieces
And your cornerstone kept me, me
And in some ways I thank you for that,
In others I am not so sure,
Because nature abhors a vacume and I find myself emotionally unavailable ninety nine percent of the time,
You called my bluff and I ran out of cards,
Uno
As I felt for most of my life and I have accepted my lack of acceptance of the fact that I may never find the right one
I may settle and I may be nothing more than okay
But right now okay seems a far away feeling that I hope I can feel one day
One day but that day may not be anytime close to today
And that is where the trouble comes
When a girl offers a brief facade of love I can hide behind for just one night
And I accept because Im weak
I dont do well alone, nor do I fair well with another
It’s a balancing act between the facts and maintaining the fiction I tell myself that I can hold you down
So here we are waiting for shooting stars so that I may wish us together and you wish us apart
So tell me where the line was drawn
Because I’ve never been good with social ques
Is it when you kissed me and I kissed you
Is it the time we found ourselves the last ones awake and we picked at each others minds until we found the deep parts we don’t let people inside
Maybe
It’s not for me to say
Maybe I was just born this way
Unable to keep a straight face
So don’t ask me how I feel about seeing you every day
Stay happy
But stay away