"unswallowed" poems
Those honest eyes and lying lips
grinning through your teeth
broken promise you never keep
penetrating my entire being like Kryptonite
For you i am weak
While you stand immune to my every touch
My entire existence
What was once love turn into lust
Impeccable how my soulmate was never fate
Imagining your fingers intertwine with mine
You reach deep and tug quickly
the pieces left of my heart
Empty and hollow
Prepared meal gone unswallowed
I've tried not to wallow
Jul 20, 2018
Jul 20, 2018 at 12:34 PM UTC
He is who you want to see at the airport,
half asleep, pastel sweatshirt half zipped.
Half length shorts ending just above the knees.
Eyes matching the green and blue abstract swirls
patterned into the carpet to hide passenger sick-up.
The background to travelling japanese circus photos,
they’ll look back in their scrapbooks,
past the ponies on the baggage carousel,
see him waiting for the delayed international arrival.
Stiff legs tread quietly down grey hallways,
stringing a stickered suitcase along moving walkways,
thoughts caught between continents, in escalator’s teeth.
Tiptoeing over the hot coffee spilled like oil,
the taste of morning breath clinging to the back of the throat,
chalky as chilled ashes, abandoned and unswallowed.
When the taxis are cold and the day’s been worn out,
before it’s even begun; patchy fabric stretched over toes
rubbing thin on the inside of your shoes,
he’ll circle your head like a daisy crown.
To hold the tiny scars on his broad shoulders,
traces blemishes like a mine sweeper,
would be like orange juice at 40 000 ft.
Intimate in a way only TSA agents know how to be,
looking for explosives behind the ribcage, to the left.
Oct 1, 2013
Oct 1, 2013 at 3:48 AM UTC
The deeper the veins
of a silent rising
fountainhead reach,
awaking a muse
more chilling
than the truth
in the blood ―
a cold
stillness stirs
that lets me
feel an
unheeded sigh
cast in the wind
A breathe
of words
from a sudden
burst of silence,
tossed like a
handful of dust
lost in a rush
of wind ―
a beclouded
murmur fleeted;
holding your breath
as the aching
passion
manifest,
no longer
containable
I really wonder
if you even know
or care
who's behind
the dark
cracked glass ―
you learn to live
with what’s broken
to survive...
learning to look
in the eyes
of a dark horse
in a tight-lipped mirror,
to hear what’s
pushed back down
unswallowed
Staring down
the muted throat
of the voiceless;
feeling the anxiety
of held breath,
turning blue
afraid to exhale
If you look
at these words
and remember
there was nothing
left to lose,
then you'll see
the meaning ―
I don't need
to hear you
tell me to re-lock
all the doors
I wish I never opened;
knowing there are
still moments
when it leaks out
of my silence
Someday,
at first light,
a songbird
hearkens
the morning
dew's passage;
I’ll take heed
a song
of deliverance
and rise up
from
bended knees ...
but right now
I’m still learning
how to live alone
Jesse e Stillwater
May 2, 2018
May 2, 2018 at 2:05 PM UTC
Painkillers fallen all around me
In every direction, I lay amongst them
Such a terrible sound was made when they spilled
Painkillers fallen all around me
Woken from my slumber
I put one in my mouth and do not deal with the rest until morning
Painkillers fallen all around me
Such a safety to have so many unswallowed
But how will I feel when they run out?
I count the number as I pick them up
Like a clock ticking louder with each second, cautioning, that my pain better be gone before the time this bottle is finished
Not until now did I realize the luxury of sharing a family bottle
Painkillers fallen all around me
They fall so my tears don’t have to
But I’m not fooled by their innocent appearance
I know they are a bargain
A trade for a temporary mend,
So my heart can quiet its hurt for a little while
Painkillers fallen all around me
But why do they want to **** my pain?
Why can’t they see that my pain is a part of me?
Can’t they understand that without pain there is no living?
Why do they want to **** me?
Painkillers fallen all around me
Making it so easy for me to ignore my sadness
I can live in this world if only I let a part of me die
If I stop trying to sing my story
If I smile when I want to frown
If I let the painkillers do their job
Painkillers fallen all around me
They wouldn’t have fallen if the **** bottle wasn’t so hard to open,
Making me prefer to leave it uncapped
There was a time when I never cared that the bottle was sealed
Oh how I envy that now
Where can I find the strength to close the lid?
Painkillers fallen all around me
Feb 8, 2020
Feb 8, 2020 at 3:16 AM UTC
My eyes formed steps that followed and fled
round the bend of failed yesterdays,
stuck in the gullet of unswallowed breath
I could not read painful pages, I turned them
over, leafing my way through misguidance,
judgement had borrowed me for may years
Guilt spun grey thread, caught hold and wrapped
manipulatively, indecisive nature grew to self destruct
the analytical marching song chose the day
Sleep shades the burning sun from breaking
flesh, seeks out to rebuild the view from my eyes
the curtains drawn held me in shadowy shawls
where rest found energy to stand in line for
tomorrows envelopes to drop on the mat before
me, would I dare to open, release the sealed contents
The secrets held in calm times, released in raged rage
hurled with force, reclaiming head of the table, yet....
never to be spoken aloud...... for fear attaches itself
Jan 21, 2014
Jan 21, 2014 at 8:35 AM UTC