Kindergarden-
I shared my crayons with the girl next to me
She broke it and didn’t say sorry
Mommy says she didn’t know better
Why is she mean to me?
First Grade-
I made a new friend today and mom was proud of me
But then she went to play with someone else
She didn’t talk to me me for 10 minutes
Why is she mean to me?
Second Grade-
Third Grade-
We are learning script and I put the letter “Q” on the board
I messed it up a little
Someone laughed at me and then the whole class did
Why are they mean to me?
Fourth Grade-
Fifth Grade-
Sixth Grade-
I just started a new school
I have no friends
Everyone keeps staring at me and whispering
Why are they mean to me?
Seventh Grade-
I met this boy I think I like him
My friends say he likes me
But he wont talk to me at all he doesn’t even see me
Why is he mean to me?
Eighth Grade-
Ninth Grade-
Another new school more new people
I feel so small
The seniors push me around
Why are they mean to me?
Tenth Grade-
I do all my work
I just want to get a good grade
But people tease me about it
Why are they mean to me?
Eleventh Grade-
I gave up on my work
I shut every one out
I am outcasted by the majority
Why are they mean to me?
Twelfth Grade-
Look at the underclassmen I push them around
Look at the classmates that use to laugh at me
I’m laughing at them now
Why am I mean to them?

Prologue



MyBar. The first time I heard that name, I remember thinking, "who the **** would name their club 'MyBar?'"

Three months, and innumerable trips later, I find myself thinking, "who the **** would enjoy going to MyBar?"

I am not included in that set of answers. Yet here I am anyway, stowing my ID and half muscling, half falling through the front door. Underclassmen from every clique, packed crack to **** on a 16x16 dance floor, in a dark, dank, dive that even the townies don't bother with. The pumped up pulses of the beat can be felt deep down in the bones, as the neon lights cast perverse shadows onto the throbbing masses. The basketball team stands against the wall as some of the more negotiable ladies in the club line up to publicly proclaim their devotion to our athletics department by very nearly, and perhaps occasionally, riding them like jockeys in a steeplechase. The players, sadly, likely felt akin to judges at the Westminster.

The sounds and sights assault the senses, mingling none to well with the excess of alcohol coursing through my system. Disoriented and dangerously uncoordinated, I slide seamlessly through the tightly packed crowd, the gyrating bodies of my fellow classmen gently propelling me deeper like a living, breathing conveyor belt.

Nothing in my appearance hints at the fact that I feel barely able to stand. Though I was a freshman, I was no stranger to getting falling down drunk, and had developed enough of a tolerance to the strange brew to maintain my composure under all but the most intense circumstances, as I would discover during Spring Weekend.

Despite the oppressively tight mass of bodies, the uncontained volume levels, and the array of lights, I manage to focus my intoxicated attention upon the girl in front me. She has hair the color of a glass of bourbon, and a temperament to match. Dark brown eyes, deep red lips, and lightly tanned skin covered up on this evening by a leopard print top and skinny jeans rounded out the package of the most beautiful lady I had ever managed to gain the interest of. Despite her sharp features, she was actually kind and generous. Most of the time. The other times, well, we'll get to that.

This woman is the only reason I'm here tonight. The same could be said for any other night that I come out here. But there's no saying no to her.  Even if it weren't for the fact that I was raised to honor my mates wishes (within reason), it simply wouldn't be worth the headache to disagree. If she wants something, she'll get it, and it's better to have her come home happy than in devil driver mode. Besides, it isn't all bad.

Most people would call what we're doing "dancing." I would call it "public dry *******." But these are the times we live in, I suppose. In any case, I've certainly had worse nights than tonight.

Later on as the crowd thinned out, I was just about to do the same, smoking a cigarette on the snow covered deck around the front of the building. Clothed coitus can really drain a guys reserves. Especially one who's only nourishment in the past five hours has been Jaegermeister and cigarettes.

Our little group begins it's exhausted yet boisterous journey back to the dorm rooms. My girl friend of three months, much like every other night we drink, is absolutely twisted. Propped up between two of us, she laughs uncontrollably as she sways from side to side, bucking us off balance as she does. By the time we get through the door, she's calmed down enough to be inside of a building.  Stripped to our skivvies, we climb into bed and turn off the lights. My roommate has yet to return from wherever he's disappeared to, so before we pass out, well, **** I was there I know what happened.

Anyway, she's just nodded off to sleep when I notice a smell wafting through the hallway. Were I in the comfort of my own home and smelled this smell, it would simply have meant that I left my popcorn in for a few seconds too long. However, being where I am,  I know better than to-- EEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH

******* THREE AM ******* FIRE ALARMS!

Welcome to St. Bonaventure.

By A Former Student For The Student

        See that this program is designed to encompass most aspects of students lives, this means that you’re the most important variable in this equation; without you, the student, there is no SUCCESS. Treat your teachers with respect and you can expect that they’ll do everything within their ability to help you in anyway they can, whether it be with your school work and path to success, or just simply having a friend to confide in. Everything you need to be successful is within your reach here.
        Understand whatever your past or current circumstances, there is nothing holding you back from doing what you want with your life. Bad experiences may or may not have come your way, you’ve probably made some mistakes, just know that these things don’t have to impact your life in a negative manner or inhibit your success. You are the past, present, and most importantly, the future. The goal here is to see to it that you do something amazing with that future.
         Care about being a part of SUCCESS and how others perceive you as a SUCCESS student. When you leave this building and venture out into the world, you are a representation of the program. Your actions directly reflect not only yourself, but the people that make this mission possible. Show them that you appreciate the privilege of being a part of such a worthy cause. Be proud to be in SUCCESS.
         Courtesy is a must; confrontation is a bust. If you have a confrontation with one of your peers or a faculty member, be courteous and solve it without a physical or verbal altercation. There has never been a fight within these walls, so we would greatly appreciate that it remains that way. It’s simple, treat others the way you want to be treated.
         Empathize with your classmates and understand that some of them may be having problems at home or school. Take it upon yourself to see if you can possibly help in any way. Be that person that could make a difference in someone’s life by simply being kind. You’ll always be a stranger until you introduce yourself.
           Service is a significant part of being in SUCCESS. This is a way for you to give back to your community, practice selflessness as well as work to benefit children that need your help. Be a role model to these kids, instill in them the realization of the importance of education. Don’t ever let them settle for less than they’re worth, everyone has something special they can bring to the table, some people just need a little positive encouragement to unveil it.
         Seniors, lead the way. Set the bar, as well as an example for the underclassmen. You foster more of an impact than you could ever imagine. If you’re reading this, the best advice I can give is to make the most of the time you have left; leave behind a legacy that you’ll be proud of in the future and one in which others will strive to follow. Take what you’ve learned from the SUCCESS experience and apply it. You will always remember being a part of SUCCESS.

It's graduation night, I should show my school spirit
But I hated that school and **** near everybody in it
I guess it's kinda weird I didnt really wanna finish
Most my friends was underclassmen I just got in where I fit in
When it came down to it, I felt like I was made backwards
Maturity came last, I was focused on the laughter
Besides that, I tried to spread knowledge like a pastor
About graduation and the real world after
I read the book life, they starting the third chapter
Show I try to show the truth, hidden under a fancy *** (w)rapper

its spring-
when all you can hear
is the SLAP
smack
of flip
flops
running
skipping
talking
laughing down the hallway.

its spring-
when the upperclassmen
OBSESS
for weeks
about prom.
while the underclassmen
sigh,
simply wishing to run away
into summer

its spring-
when its seems like
grades and exams are
the only thing
that's on everyone's mind
(besides prom),
and the quiet girl
in the back of the classroom
stares out the window
at the flower petals dropping from the trees...

its spring-
when people who
think that life
is completely hopeless,
and have had
one of the worst
-no, THE worst-
winters of their life,
out of nowhere:
find some hope.

because its spring.
and spring is just the beginning
all over again.

Dear underclassmen,
You will learn so much.
You’ll learn that when seniors tell you the main stairs are only for upperclassman they’re lying, that freshman Friday isn’t a thing, and elevator passes aren’t actually real.
You’ll learn WWII started in 1939 and it was the bloodiest of them all.
You’ll learn that sometimes, things don’t have to be ****** to be painful.
Sometimes sterile wounds heal the slowest.
High school will teach you to love with a vigor you didn't see coming and to hate with a passion you never saw possible, and you’ll find that after feeling them both so deeply, it sometimes becomes impossible to tell the difference between the two.
You’ll learn about drugs- that they don’t always come in little ziplock bags or orange pill bottle.
You’ll learn that often times, they don’t come in powder or pills at all- they come in words on a page or in blue eyes staring at you through wayfarer glasses that are so clouded you find yourself wondering how they can even see the world around them.
You’ll find your drug- everyone does. You’ll know you’re addicted because to you, it's what keeps the earth spinning on its axis; it's what puts the stars in the sky; it's what you see when you hear the word love.
You'll get addicted to something, and you’ll lose it, and you’ll move on.
You’ll learn that things can change in the blink of an eye, which is just as fast as we are to post our emotions in 180 characters or less, just as fast as we are to scrutinize others for who they love, what they wear,
and what they’re addicted to.
Things change as fast as the speed of sound: 186,282 miles per second.
I learned that in chemistry.
I also learned that Fleen Dog wasn't kidding when he said if you lean in too close to a Bunsen burner your hair will catch on fire.
I've learned that if you don’t stay in the inexhaustible realm of school dress code, you’re a delinquent, but if you wear hoodies everyday, you’re a scrub. If you don't, you're a try-hard.
I've learn that for some reason the word try-hard is an insult.
I've learned that stares can be so heavy you can physically feel the weight of their eyes pushing down on your back as they watch your every move, but more importantly I've learned that those stares only matter if you actually let them.
You’ll learn that often times- there is no correct answer and sometimes you just have to choose what you believe is the most right option because it’s better to guess than to do nothing at all.
You'll learn that even in science, not everything is black and white,
that sometimes the best way to learn is by diving in head first, and if you feel your skull crash into the bottom of the pool, know that you will resurface.

You are a part of this di scion
A fallacious stride hurts your articulus genu
Genuinely sore wa tsumete wa, kokoro ko nanda demo natte
Genus and class doughnut matter when you're in the dorsal shadow
Underclassmen stifled by the pernicious tsuakata kumorobi do
Flying on swift imagination, rare as imaginary folklore
I wish I could fly and soar