she drenched in the salt lake
her eyes scared by the city of bright lights, the homeless
the rich, faithful, and faithless. There is always a drought.
confined in the Romanesque heart of the men with hard ons,
and the women who just cant seem to get enough.
The white boys with baggy pants who drive by smelling like ****
and listening to some mainstream ******* that makes ordinary minds
even more ordinary.

The extravagant gay men - gorgeous- flamboyant witty and ridiculously critical
but yet have no restraints
The bull ****'s, the stems, the fems and the ones who have a few drinks
and want to touch something forbidden and then wake up
the next morning falling in love and realizing that maybe
they are not who they thought they were,
or leaving some obsessive uhaul with a broken heart

a scene infested with infestation
of a inner circle that screams something,
of noble drama, static eyes, drunken nights and high profile
love affairs, because nothing stays committed
but within the dysphoria breeds toxic secrets
ones that can break the body, like cold war hearts
shifted into a panorama of anorexia and bulimia
because too skinny is just never enough
bones are never enough
it had to go deeper then that.


heavy black eye liner, and steel pumps
unravel like skin heads out on the prowl of navy blue nights
looking for pretty new flesh, someone who has yet to be touched
because nobody wants the new girl after she is no longer new
the spotlight hits you, everyone wants to love you
everyone wants to *******, everyone is willing to backstab
the girl you choose every 2 weeks to get your attention
thats just how it works, I have been that girl
with eyes turned away I had to watch someone become that girl.painfully.
there is a segragation within the sub culture. Just when you thought
there was no such thing

converse and button up shirts
the right haircut and strong eye contact can get you any straight girl
at least thats what they would like to think, and for the most part
they are right

a man leans his head over to grunt
as the woman who is doing what she does to pay her rent
gives in like a weak human who just cant keep the lie anymore
who explodes with her barbaric truth and stains those figured
around her with uncaring eyes. There is no more sympathy.
you probably walked by her at the gay club last night.
yeah thats her covering up her sexuality like a vegan
who wears the fur of a polar bear around her neck
and gauts and gushes and purges and numbs herself out
because her selfishness has taken over her pride
because she has lost herself
because she is too broken

this is Miami she thought, why am I here
from sky vision it looks looks like a cess pool
of humans trying to latch on to something that does not exist
of business men who are not getting what they deserve
of kids who are growing up to the sound of lady gaga
and some other ****** up quote on quote artist

and then I found what I never thought I would find here
some kind of starved meaning, leaning on the street corner
like a dieing baby
sitting in the trash can like some left over rice
barely surviving

an energy that is struggaling to keep its eyes open
a community of expolsive minds trying to fight out
these scenes and living in their own worlds

I'm suppose to be mad at you. I am furious with you. I'm angry that every time I try to remember the good all i do is remember the bad. When I look in the mirror all I see is you standing behind me and its becoming a trip like I took acid but ive never even touched the **** things..

You have become the punchline to every joke my parents don't refrain from telling. The punchline has them in fits of laughter and I don't think they saw how it was like I was sucker punched in the gut with the breath knocked right out of me

It took me six months to realize you were no good for me, but the damage had already set in like the death from a funeral that was never held for who i was.
I bet you don't even realize that, and I'm not saying I'm in love with you anymore I'm just saying if you were here in front of me I don't know if i'd fall to the ground and hope to god I don't show you how badly I cant get over what you did. Or if id simply ask you for a hug because after all in this morbid way I'm still in love with you. Its too cliche to say I gave you pieces of me that I ache to gain back. You see I never told anyone
..and maybe thats my issue.
I am a walking contradiction as I tell others to be strong and to not go back but I….If I was drunk and you somehow appeared like every memory somehow shows up like that unwanted pregnancy you thought I had. I don't know if id fall right into your arms to beg for the old us back.

Rug burns and bruises, I learned no was not a standing ovation for my security as a person but an invite for the pressure of an unclean carpet to be dragged across my body. I can still feel the digging of your jeans in my back. Its like you never really left.

This town has so many painful memories that I think it's time to get the uhaul take all the memories, take the pain and ill go somewhere I cant see you everywhere I turn. No amount of therapy can ever make me function like an actual human being.


Do you not understand that now every time the hurt comes back I have to apologize to her because I can't explain that what you did, what you continuously do is something more than words explain. That maybe she fell i love with someone who is unfixable.

The bruises are gone but the memories remain.

I love to think about you.
9:41 pm
Traveling along route 222
In the back of a uhaul truck
Thinking tragic thoughts of possible accidents,
I love to think about you.

I get nervous.
I get anxious.

This matress is very uncomfortable.
The fouton we slept on was too.

I remember kissing you gently on it.
Lean to the left too far and it would flip.

Then on the floor we locked lips.

I love to think about you.

I hate the fact the minutes pass two,
Without me missing you.

Your warm embraces.

How you smell my neck.
How I embrace your scent.

I hate to love like a mindless fool.

I'm a coward when you touch me.

the highway lanes began to spread
like my veins, full of life
criss-crossing, bobing, weaving
and my heart began to pulse
so **** fast
faster than the cars that passed me
going eighty, cruising
driving a little reckless
despite having my whole life
packed in the back
of a ten foot Uhaul
everything I own bouncing
up and around
while heat waves
swam from the ground

That's when it really sank in
everything I've grown to know
is changing

To tell you
How sorry I am
How sorry I've been

How much I wish I hadn't ****** up
So badly

I don't have poetry for you
I don't have the right words
Or the right way to say them

I have only sorrow
And too little too late
Apologies

I wasn't trying to hurt you
I wasn't trying to trick you
I wasn't trying to stand you up
Or make you feel so bad

That you'd never want to see me again

I want nothing more
Than to go back in time
And take it back

To wait to see you
Until I made the lonely drive
In my uhaul
Back to the place we met
Or close to it

I don't romanticize it anymore
But I do miss it

What we were
What we had

And there's no way I'll ever be able
To let you know
How sorry
I really am

I love you
I loved you
I don't know who you are now

And that's the worse part

Accessible twenty four hours a day
seven days a week,
fifty two weeks a year.

Spring 2022 Curtain call at
Highland Manor Apartments unit b44
framing Mother Nature nook
ever changing scene unfolds
analogous to storybook.

I espy (hear and see)
while sitting at table
housing Macbook Pro
plethora of wildlife
on a band dinned patch of woodland,
yet slated to resemble cookie cutter vinyl city
that sprout like mushrooms and/or toadstools.

Yours truly bares witness to fauna
(most likely oblivious
to encroaching urbanization
most often becoming endangered
and/or extinct creature if lucky
enough becoming cherished, loved, valued
property of zoo keeper),

who rarely encounter **** sapiens
while innocuously and innocently
buzzfeeding, kickstarting pinteresting
linkedin with rites of Spring
fawning, matchmaking, twittering
regarding instinctual self survival tactics.

At a safe distance removed
our perch (chance) analogous
to one way mirror,
whereby yours truly and the missus
watch the nature channel live
never tiring at random antics
exhibited by aural and visual
courtesy spontaneous unrehearsed
Animal planet productions.

While astutely, fascinatingly, keenly, quietly
observing semi, quasi, pseudo... wild kingdom
flashback in space/time continuum occurred.

I observed banned band
of untamed ruffians and outlaws
use wildland as hideout from y'all
sip pose zid smart alecks
who would be surprised country bumpkin
like me can rattle off...
courtesy nasal twang

(or because of) Schwenksville drawl
which can pose difficulty understanding
attributed nysc with submucous cleft palate,
hence droning voice of mine
in tandem with puny size
found yours truly scapegoat
bullies taunted and teased

I felt analogous being
just another brick in the wall
until sharecropper mama and papa Joad
headed west Okie dokie
with truant steering da wheel
driving off into sunset via UHaul
passing zee monotony

doodling Yankee went hoo(t)'n and hollerin
across this country tis of thee
imitating moost every doggone animal
earn'n chump change telling tales tall
like dis here mumbo jumbo
his birthplace home to countless
life forms large and small
some skitter, slither, scamper,

jump, hustle, hop, fly, crawl
and we even encountered
mighty big beef eating fellas
who beat up punks
getting in barroom brawl
adieu fromm simple folks,
cuz nuttin else to write dat's awl!

So many, many people work so hard to buy it all
I'm still waiting for the day I see a hearse followed by a Uhaul.

we make plans the break plans
do we give up ?
it all depends upon the creature or the creator
there are those drifing in a sea of the make believe
lost in the sauce of compromise
can't we see past those twisted lies
they are blinded by sight
you may claim that is your right
still at the funeral parlor you will then discover
there isn't a uhaul that follows its procession
you got me second guessing
the opposite of faith is sight
getting lost in the night
with long hanging fangs that bite
shadows block your squeeky wheel
claiming its no bid deal
getting stuck as second fiddle in the middle
they can't help you cause they can't help themselves
perhaps you want to put that book right back on the shelf
so you exist as a vain Keebler elf
Satan has blinded you from the real trip
I equate it as being left on the raft near the shore
all of a sudden the tide breaks out and your out in the ocean
Satan brands his lies with a real dark brew of magic lotion
then you realize how to i get here
it was your choice to live by sight
in the end who will be your friend the one whom you can depend

I was once out in the desert with a friend
A sandy place with whom one can depend
One lone green cactus in the center
We have been walking for miles
Looking for a rich source of water
We both often would falter
The sun beat down on my baseball cap
It was then I thought I seen a source to tap
An incredible pool of fresh water
But my mind played tricks on me
For it was all an illusion
The hill of sand seared my face
I was then blinded for a moment
Then at last we made it through a pass
This then lead to a road and there it stood
The Heavy Hitters Saloon
Me & my buddy were so very happy
For we finally made it to civilization
Which wanted me to take a break on a long awaited vacation
I was down to my last thin dime
Had to do dishes to pay for our dinners
Managed to make a collect call with my dime to a guy named Paul
Who sent us on a first class ticket in a Uhaul to Buffalo
Was this all an illusion ?
In fact you have every right to know.

Uhaul, highway at night
            Darkness