I cannot give what I do not have.
I had it once.
I was created/born with it (I think).
I lost it, first time diagnosed,
Most recent when insane,
Do NOT lose trust in your own mind,
I cannot give what I do not have.....
My own mind.........
Doubt asks multiple questions,
I have zero percent answers now,
I know once it gets to less than zero
The negative space will have won.....
And I will have changed.......
But without your current positive space
Within negative space I cannot
Continue with you.
......here we are and I am friends
With
Doubt.......
I face everyone everyday.......
(lots of dots - no negative signs except for this break previously)
Face with Doubt - acceptance, reluctance, no choice - ance :-)
I Learn to question every thought and re-question the motivation behind,
Behind (no mistake) the thought (but my mind slows, I know)
If motivation is OK/acceptable (i.e. non harming - i injured/destroyed insects on the steps to my current housing - I tried avoidance but without guarantee - drink helps ease this guilt also)
Then if the thought will not result in negative spacial harm ( I have no way of quantify-ing this until after the fact but it helps future decision making - (when I can remember :-(      )
but again i lack future projection skills - anyone who reads this with whom I have never physically interacted with - how am I (i) supposed to know the difference/change - too many **ing strange coincedences in my life have helped my current world environment view - but I digress - maybe i should end this :-) - night night (in Eire) and no more beer :-)  listening to 'nice' (personal intrepretation) music now - stop typin....... )

how does it get to this point?

the kind where jer name was Amy

and if so than don't regret me.

I take keyboard mistrokes and as a sign of self repentance

like, hey man, fix that mistake, or you're going to ******* regret it.
but as sure as ****

as i'm typin right now

im a bukowski kind of drunkard

who drinks the way he feels.

so you;re getting.

the incandescent light

that refracts into rainbows, and chases off the night.

the clitter clatter of a her zebra heels, onto a drunken dance floor.

then stumbles into the booth seat next to me.
complete.

an irish pub, a drinking hub.
eddie pours my drinks for free,

on a tab he rose for thee, theres a shalonf and a kindsness to the orough that ui ssicuss

I fall a little too hard, in love
I want a bit too desperately, to win
I procrastinate too long, on games
I stay up too often, typin'
I wake up too late, savouring dreams
Is it my brain, making too much dopamine?
Or whatever neurotransmitter
Making me so bitter
That I reaaally need a dose of self control

We know yoga pants were created to be worn during yoga, but so what?  
Blackberry smartphones were created as a business tool, so what?
Timberlands were created to be used as safety working boots, so what?
We know Qwerty keyboard was created 2 elimn8 typin lyk dis, so wat?
Facebook was created to Connect people not Disconnect people from the world, but so what?

We would **** use a knife as a screwdriver if we want to; and take that ****** same knife and make a sandwhich...
We make things work, we make a plan..
We do what we want with what we want where we want to.

So what if we are a little different?
So what if we don't do the same things?
So what if the hair we wear is not ours?
So what if our skin colour is a bit darker
Or soo what if we decide to bleach our skin?

So what if our clothes are a bit much revealing and leave a little to imagination;
Or so what if we walk naked down the road?
So what?...

So what if we party too much
Or drink too much?
So what if i have many ****** partners?
So what if our generation has lost repect?
So what if our generation has no morals?
So what if kids are mothering babies
And boys running from fathering responsibilities?

So what if we lost sight of what's important?
So what if all we care about is a big *****, perfect skin, eyebrows on fleek and attention?
So what if we do strange things to put bread on the table?
So what if the only key to our hearts is money?  
So what?...

We may be a lost generation,
But this is our generation... So what?

But what then would happen if we were to wake up only to realize its too late for our next generations?

What then?...

Wish I was out partyin' on this Saturday night,
But instead of livin' it up, I'm just gonna write.
I'll keep typin' poems 'n' listenin' to music,
Or perhaps I'll go to sleep quick.

Not gonna lie, it ***** to be spendin' the night alone,
Got nobody to hang out with, nobody to phone.
All my mates got somethin' else goin' on,
They can't go party all the way until dawn.

Ah well, don't feel like goin' into town on my one,
Cause man, that sure as hell wouldn't be no fun.
So I think I'll write poems instead.

Dat Rock of his dreams,
Peakin through distant clouds
Of struggle and doubt;
Calloused feet shoutin
From soles worn-out
At the bottom;
Climbin crowded stairs
To deaf ears
At the top.

Stories screamin to be told
Like sirens on the crime-side.
Memories of old resurrected
In mindsight.
Fingers typin rhymes through dark nights.
Moon shinin bright
On doors closed,
Never seen.
Ground floors  reekin stardust,
Clever memes.
Here only giants dare,
Starin at the ground
Through mirrors too small
To capture them all.

Gonna need a visionary,
A see-faring guide
To blast a path
Up these charts.

Gonna need a missionary
A God-fearin ride-or-die
To take the leap of faith;
To chase a dream
Through distant clouds
Of struggle and doubt;
To find a spot on Dat Rock

Where destiny awaits...

Capture the ride.
Watch him glide,
Free-stylin
From Chi-Town
To Platinums.

Don't blink.

You've got to see this.

AYO
~ P

an euphoric feeling this
like flutterin' butterflies yeah
thinkin' of death, smilin'

right now, typin' this
it tingles and ascends
up but not out

weak and feeble this
a moment can start it
and end it too

strange as it may
there's no yearnin'
there's no will

plain ol', curiosity this.
'cos life, tis' but
dust in the wind

integrals of goldfish and scrollin
significantly easier than expected
bracelets and blocks and rockets
from breakin a hundred

short drive the hill that rarely took
bowl of quinoa and another of pudding
just like the cups on the table of atla
waiting whistling losing air in digital pacing

it was four minutes after
one down and just to two
once again im wonderin but this time i know that its not true

cutting ice with knives and gliding with lemons
bodyprox'd knees and coworkers girlfriends
gargoyling fountains and relacing skates
i wouldnt much mind getting used to this

its dark and its late and you asked me what sort of changes id been thru
the second that ive ever told to

the first stop was closed but the next one was perfect
yoyo slingin in the parking lot
with rippled notes blastin tunes
reference typin effect affect i love you

early morning heavy bag with nothing else but hopeful
they said theyd be there soon
you say youll be there later
catan at engineering noon
was bittersweet flavored

water in the kettle
barely touched the mech on the table
last day tears in the after shelter mental
i was in the ceramics studio when you arrived when it all came together
rivers of slip and clay and dip and dip and swing

keeping printing lately squinting
we helped to bring the paper
you disappeared concerning feared
but just for shoes in your backseat

sparkled nails on the church's floor
behind the curtain essay typin
ping pong flyin wild story improv timin
next to those shoes scrollin and the topic was ace
so i dont know if its my place
but
as we left the lack of open doors was odd/
so then came back to the front lawn of god to give you a plastic bag of support
keepin rapport in some way of some sort
gracious hospitality that it wasnt raining
though when we were waiting there were trains and there was dogs/
but soon hes gone and hugged and loved

and now im in the front seat;
and then im in the drivers.

back window fogged, behind the wheel with you beside me reel and keel my necks still sore two days later just like my brain that needs a stapler
because i couldnt look at you
im scared of being fake but then/
music's meant to sing
i went to bed at 1 am
i dont regret a thing