The birds flew over the ocean
I wish you were here
For my time is thining
And the gate swings near.

The loss of what we knew
Evaporated
In the last golden sunset
I wish you were here.

Love Mary x

To trust,
Let people in,
Relationships.
That's what he said.
That psycologist with
Grey hair
Thinning,
Just like my relationships.
Lonely, hating, loathing myself,
Pain being controlled by addictions,
Shame,
My same shame increases the circles,
Addictions,
Running circles in my head--
Wanting to draw circles with a knife.
STOP THINKING.
My circles of friends growing smaller,
Isolate as the weather becomes cold,
My heart, iced, caged,
No trust, no love.
No one could love me anyway.
Right?
Wrong way thinking through this thick head
Makes it worse.
Wearing through my thin soul,
This pain, pleasure?
No. Run run away from this,
Soles of my shoes thining,
Just like the grey hair--
The psychologist's head.
Trust, love, relationships.
No shame in mistakes.
Let people in?

I always thought I never needed that.

(Love)
Silent
Loud
Cute
Kind
Caring
Quick
Slow
Soft
Rough
Smooth
­Thick
Hot
Cold
Dark
Bright
Shifting
Sitting
Running
Walking
Resti­ng
Dashing
Charming
Innocent
Ruthless
Meaning
No meaning.
Subtle
Drastic
Thining
Thickening
Ugly
Attractive
Moving­
Stopping
Continueing
Ending.
Silent
Loud
Cute
Kind
Caring
Quick
­Slow
Soft
Rough
Smooth
Thick
Hot
Cold
Dark
Bright
Shifting
Sittin­g
Running
Walking
Resting
Dashing
Charming
Innocent
Ruthless
Mean­ing
No meaning.
Forever.
Done.
(Love)

oh you, old man winter, you have peeled off all my layered clothing
your frozen fingers caress my skin, with a blowing wind and a grin
you must enjoy the tears you cause me, as they freeze upon my cheek
and you chuckle as you watch me shiver the fluids from my nose
each muscle seems to shrink, with the thining of my blood
my veins labor to keep up the flow, trying to reach my tingling toes
but I have danced with you for many years, and I know your steps
and I will wait you out until the fair maiden of spring arrives

Eyes opened, nothing but darkness I can't see.. What happend we're am i? I can't think. Reaching for you I can't feel. Someone help!!!!!!!

I screamed, well I think I did wait..... I can't hear.. What's going on? Please someone get me out of here .

No thaw wall are closing in, I can't move. T, th, the air is thining.. No wait I can't breath..

Autumn

the third season of the year, when crops and fruits are gathered and leaves fall.

Change.
The world is full of change .
Every few months a new scene takes over and clouds my brain
My heart fully visible to the masses
But only one can could catch my eye as I I watch the feelings spread like rashes
All over my body in the trustest way
Until I resort to isolation when I’m not okay
But I do miss the beginning
The hot days and cold nights, the first night we kissed my emotional guard is thining
I hate change but this types always feels good a first
You feel every emotion till you swing your way back around towards hurt
And remember there was a point where you were alone
And days you dreaded the walk back home
I wanna go slow but tf is a talking stage
As if the emotions were locked away in a cage
Dreaming for escape
Because they were never meant to relate
Or maybe . Maybe it’s me .
Cause the self sabotage takes it all I see

I’ll count all the moments you can stay away
and how you couldn’t care about me
And especially how you showed it in May
Still in April June I was down for you
How I looked like a clown but I was down to bruise
I could take it all to have you in the end
Couldn’t bear to have you close but far still take you as a friend

So you don’t like change huh
Neither do I .
So I have to ask from spring to summer to autumn
Did your heart move at the same pace as mine

Stared at the phone to see what time it is
Most stare waiting for a text or call
You can be close yet so disconnected
Bad communication leads to misunderstanding
Doing out own things keep us divided
Comeback together be United
Pick up where things left off
Getting older hair turns white and thining
From a wild youth to responsible adult
The dream makes sense while others laugh
See others like an equal but they don't value you
Random thoughts that come to mind
A job that pays well but not permanent
Been with all the wrong people
Some come others go without reason
Life is always changing like the season
Looking something real that feels right
I'd speak the words won't come out
Don't want to make a bad impression

I can understand my intense undertow of honest admeration for the fools and kings of this uni-world. Austin I've never felt so safe in taking my own life. I've never wanted to die so much more than you. Austin I've been thining lately abo........and who the **** are the ******* ****** sitting in my house in the room next to me like angry ants clawing at the bt of ground around my ears! Who are these **** monsters and goblins drentching at the sight of my own oneness with a trancendent hotel loby. Why am I loving on every angry thought I can come with. Why am I caring about the most ignorant breed pf poeple. Why can i never call out thier name? Aways a mistake. I am forgoten as a mystery-freak who looked aloof at parties and sat on the roof too long at night. I've really ****** mysef over today. I had no respect for myself, I had only a little music to spit out. It wasn't even good. It was just a lame lulaby I woud rip from a hyme I heard as a child in mass. The sus fourth resolving to the triumphant third. The purest harmony for you my sweetest love. I want you only for a minute or two and then I want to just impaile the nght sky into venus and larger spheres. Monogamy is a hell of a drug.