I drive fast that’s what I do, faster and faster
I think brakes are a disaster
Driving like a lunatic all of the time
A million miles an hour shouldn’t be a crime
As I flash past you’ll see just a blur
My need for speed has no cure

Any type of road it doesn’t matter
Everything I hit is going to splatter
Motorways or B-roads or alleys that bend
Lanes or cul-de-sacs don’t care if it’s a dead end
I am the road king get out of my way
You're a goner if into my path you do stray

I rarely have a dent, a dint or a crash
Though in my wake I oft hear a smash
But one day an obstacle didn’t get out of the way
A big rock face, where it was, decided to stay
I thought of the carnage I have left in my wake
As my car, a mangled mess, the rocks did make

Never bothered with seatbelts, what a mistake
As my head hit the rocks it was mushed like a cake
Going through the windshield my jaw snagged the dashboard
That’s where I left it, as the rest of me went forward,
With no way of talking I couldn’t even curse
Whatever the car, I would come off worse
Out popped my eyes and rolled down the road
Oops went my bowels as they did explode
All of my organs rolling around in a drum
My liver and kidneys shot out my ***
PHUNK went my lungs as they gave up the ghost
My man bits were crushed, I’d miss those the most

Bits of me hanging from rocks and from trees
Dangling from a branch were both of my knees
One of my feet was still in the car
The other one had landed somewhere quite far
All of my guts were splashed in the road
I looked like a large and very squashed toad

First came some birds to peck at my eyes
Then a raccoon started nibbling away at my thighs
Word soon spread of this mighty feast
Bits of my body would feed every beast
Soon all that was left was gnawed bones and hair
I wish I had known that great rock was there.