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JESUS

Every name outside the name of Jesus,
Will to Jesus someday bow,
It matters not how much  power or prestige ,
That you may think you have.

Phillipians 2:10
......at the name of Jesus every
knee shall bow
Why are our minds so filled
With worthless useless thoughts
Things that have no worth
Things we should think not

Why can we not focus
On what is good and kind and right
Think on thoughts that edify
And escape the dark thoughts of night

The things we let into our mind
An image a word a sound
Are sown as seed and planted there
Growing till only those thoughts abound

Be ever mindful of the crop
That in your mind you grow
For what it is we think
Over time we shall surley sow
(Phillipians, iv.11)

Fierce passions discompose the mind,
As tempests vex the sea,
But calm, content and peace we find,
When, Lord, we turn to Thee.

In vain by reason and by rule
We try to bend the will;
For none but in the Saviour's school
Can learn the heavenly skill.

Since at His feet my soul has sate,
His gracious words to hear,
Contented with my present state,
I cast on Him my care.

"Art thou a sinner, soul?" He said,
"Then how canst thou complain?
How light thy troubles here, if weigh'd
With everlasting pain!

"If thou of murmuring wouldst be cured,
Compare thy griefs with mine!
Think what my love for thee endured,
And thou wilt not repine.

"'Tis I appoint thy daily lot,
And I do all things well;
Thou soon shalt leave this wretched spot,
And rise with me to dwell.

"In life my grace shall strength supply,
Proportion'd to thy day;
At death thou still shalt find me nigh,
To wipe thy tears away."

Thus I, who once my wretched days
In vain repinings spent,
Taught in my Saviour's school of grace,
Have learnt to be content.
Natasha Ivory Aug 2015
In an instant, I’m back in that two-bedroom
apartment on Monte Park Ave, in old town Fair Oaks. Where family photos and live plants cluttered the already small space. It was a Monday night, February 13,2012, the day before Valentines Day, doing a routine visit to see my mama. The woman, who had birthed and loved me, as best as she could, with the tools life had equipped her with. This visit was different I could sense it. The moment I stepped foot onto that beige carpet and looked into her sunken green eyes. The cancer, cirrhosis and hepatitis C that had eaten at her liver the last two and a half years was coming to an end. My mother was a hardened woman, hardened by life. Crimes that had been committed against her and crimes she’d committed against herself continually ate at her. She was still able to shower an immense, unconditional love on us kids; in the days she was able to function, without the inevitable numbing. Those days didn’t last long, until she’d check out again.
As an adult the childhood ghosts of her past, were relived through her. So much to the point she allowed the destruction and pain to take ahold of her thoughts and entire being. The darkened corners of her life would begin to suffocate her.
As kids we’d often wake to her drunken blackouts after the town bars closed. She’d destroy the furniture in my home, demolishing anything within arms reach. Police would come often, we would hide…fearful…always fearful. She would sober up and check herself into rehab and do well for a while. We always hoped it would just one day end and she would be okay. The cycle just seemed to continue, for years, then decades. We would see fragments of her amazing personality, deep gentle heart and willingness to love hard and stay tough. Then it would be wiped away and knocked out of her when she’d run. Slowly, we lost pieces of her throughout the years.
My mom came to know a relationship with God in the last years of her life. I could sense a peace within her, but it was plain to see, she still carried regrets. Alcohol and drugs were her numbing medicine of choice to drown out the pain of the past. Even in her last days, she’d attempt to drink away the pain. I’d hold her feeble hands, sitting on her couch and pray with her. Pray for peace to finally consume her mind. Ever since I was a child, I had always felt like her mother. I wanted to save her, protect her, help her to see her worth in God.

It was just three months prior to her diagnosis, and I had found her cold and almost lifeless on her apartment floor. She had attempted suicide. It was late at night. I hadn’t heard from her in two days. I had that motherly gut wrenching feeling that something wasn’t right. Remembering the key I had to her apartment, I rushed out the door in only a bathrobe to check on her. I unlocked her front door; my heart hit the ground as I carefully turned the living room corner, to see her body, still, by the foot of her bed. In a numb haze, I checked her pulse and lifting her off the floor, I wailed and called on the name of Jesus, Jehovah Rapha – the God who heals, El – Shaddai – an almighty God. Peace flooded the room as I claimed this womans broken life and soul in his name. I laid her on her bed and held her, waiting for the ambulance to come. Those next four days in the hospital were torturous. As her body fought to rid itself of the toxins she’d consumed in an attempt to end the misery. Handcuffed to the hospital bed, I watched her sweat, cry and wail. I would pray. He’s here. He’s the healer. Even in that state God loved my mother, she was his child, even when she was most unlovable, he held her.

It is now, less than three years later, that I am watching her life slowly drain.
I can distinctly remember the aroma that I woke to, on Tuesday, February 14th, 2012. Having slept a horrid nights sleep, on my mothers’ living room floor the night before. I knew the end was near.
I would wake hourly to check on her, while she was asleep on her couch. Normally, she would take her meds every three hours. This night, she had slept more than ten straight hours. Drenched in sweat, she awoke. She called to me to help her to the bathroom. Her husband and I each held her arms and pulled her to her feet. Halfway to standing she began to hemorrhage blood. Gallons, literally gallons of blood spilled out of her. Her husband began to scream. We were never prepared for this. Never was hemorrhaging mentioned in all of the hospice nurse and doctors visits. Unable to call 911 due to the DNR (do not resuscitate) forms my mom signed. We slowly walked her to the bathroom. Blood poured out of her body in what seemed to be the longest walk ever, leaving a trail of what was left of her life down that hallway.
Expecting her to collapse, doing my doggone best to act calm as her husband cried and screamed frantically. We laid towels over the toilet and sat her down hoping to stop the hemorrhaging and call the hospice nurses to come to her home. Once I let go of the grip I had on my moms arm, I grabbed Drews face and ordered him to breathe and quit screaming. My mother sat, silent, she looked up at us, our hands and feet covered in blood, both frantically searching for the nurses numbers in our cell phones in a shaky mess. She quietly said, “please calm down”. I wrapped my arms around her, sitting there looking faint, expecting for her to hit the floor at any moment.
No child should ever have to see their mother bleed to death. I felt as though I was in a dream. Everything was hazy. Yet, God was there. I could only rely on his strength to keep me calm, to handle the situation, as Drew lost his mind and my mom was quickly losing life.
This couldn’t possibly be the end, I said to myself. Gently lifting her to her feet, we guided her down the remainder of the hall, to her bedroom; to the hospital bed she would spend her remaining days on. I stripped my mom of her blood-drenched clothing. Bathed and diapered her, as she had to me for many years as an infant. Those last days felt like an eternity. Going home to shower and take a short break from the death unfolding in front of my eyes, I was fearful she would slip away in my one-hour absence. I went to the store to buy my momma the last bouquet of roses I would ever give to her. I lit the candle next to her flowers. I played music, read and sang to her in those last hours. Massaged her hands and feet with lotion, as I’m sure she did to me as a baby. I prayed for her and over her. Watched her husbands’ heart break into a billion pieces, as he would walk around their apartment and cry. Still then, God was there.

“ With all lowliness and meekness, with long suffering, forbearing one another in love”.
Ephesians 4:2

Amidst the pain, the known regrets, fear and sadness, he’s the comforter. Not understanding why my eyes and heart had to burned with such tragic memories in watching her suffer, Gods peace lied there and he strengthens when we have none.

“ I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me”.
Phillipians 4:13

That final night, I had known. Sitting in the living room with one of my dearest friends Shawna and Drew,
I stood up “ we need to go check on her “ I said, as I stepped in her room, she was struggling to take her last breaths. Her husband ran to the far side of the bed and held onto her, wailing. I grabbed her hand and my friend grabbed mine.
She was fighting to breathe, her arms flailing.
I told her it was ok to go. To finally let go.
I fought to speak those words to her and to make them sound believable. Wishing she could just climb up off of that bed, healthy and smiling and hold me.
When she took her last breath. I watched her body lose its vibrancy. Shaken and strangled with anxiety, I threw up on the floor next to her bed. Having known the struggles and regrets this precious woman bore in her lifetime…and how at that moment…she’d have given anything to redo it.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”
Psalm 103:12

Do I know if my mother truly believed an all-consuming savior that died for us wholly loved her?
I don’t.
Do I have complete contentment that she passed with all the peace that God intended for us to have?
I don’t.

Which has led me to this. When the fateful day of my existence here on earth, ceases to watch another sunrise…what will my precious babies have to say of me?
I have nurtured every one of them; kissed chubby piggy toes and sang silly songs.
I, like many, have made heart-wrenching mistakes despite knowing Gods love for me.
All in an attempt to fill a God shaped whole in my heart.

“Those who rest in the shelter of the most high will find rest in the shadow of the almighty.”
Psalm 91:1

What will my beautiful daughters and handsome son be able to reflect upon, after my passing?
Perhaps this was his plan after all.

“It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes”
Psalm 119:71

He is in fact the author.

“O Lord, thou hast searched me and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off”
Psalm 139:1-2

Every intricate detail of my life, from the gory to treacherous to beautiful and serene was written.
God gives first, second, third, fourth, fifth , sixth and beyond chances, just waiting for me to see who I am…in him.
In this short 30 years of my life, I’ve fallen short.
What matters, is the here, the now and the tomorrow.
Can I actually attain all of the attributes of the woman in Proverbs 31?

“Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also praiseth her”
Proverbs 31:28

Will my children be able to say this of me?
Will my sleepy eyed babies awake to drunken rages, as I did as a child…or a woman on her knees in prayer at suns rising?
I will strive daily, hourly, minute by minute to fight back the rising of my flesh, any hateful words that might ******* and distractions from what life is really created for…all on my knees before a God whose love consumes.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
Copyright © Natasha Ivory Evans 2012
Callie Dee Jun 2013
Anxiety overtakes me
It gets harder to breath
Worry circles my head
So I get on my knees
"Help me, Father!"
I start to plead
"I can't do this alone
You are what I need!"
With prayer and thanksgiving
I sing Your praise
Then the peace of my Father
Takes anxiety's place
God's Oracle Oct 2019
Generation X the final 47.8 years of humanity's existence. The War of the Masters Of Souls rages on. God and his Saints & Angels vs. The Devil his Angels & Nephelims. Taming the Tongue

3 Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

New King James Version "Holy Bible."

Laboring the liable and taking accountability for my actions is something I must work on...I must endure, adquire more resilience, more wisdom, more pureness, more humility (as if am not humble enough) more reliability more selflessness more vitality by God's reliable faithfulness guidance and miraculously adquire the mysteries of the Multi-Verse and God's Immortal Truth & Infinite Soul & Powers of the Holy Spirit. Solace and Righteous deeds but most of ALL GRACE from God his Son and his Holy Spirit will allow me to gain and fulfill my calling in this terrestrial plain I live in. Redemption is the final gift I will surely aquire to atone all the wrongdoings I have done, nevertheless, I feel comfortable at ease and happy and prosperous I count my blessings and throw away and rebuke the curses hexes and generational evil enchantments people and my family ties my bloodline and all my so called "coincidential, deja-vu's and dreams and visions and even every day ordinary mundane events that to people may seem like nothing but to me are vital pieces of an invisible monolithyc enormous spiritual yet carnal signs and signals to the Multi-Verse the language of God" for nothing ...that is nothing is mere luck or coincidence every thing pertains to something God speaks thru all circumstances, people, places, things, real or mind driven, fictional or true, art, music, language, animals, designs, intellect, naiveness, admiration of his benevolent power and miraculous deeds that happen daily all around us. Even drugs to aid heal the body and mind can be beneficial. Everything serves a purpose that I truly believe.

Phillipians: 2:10 "That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the Earth"

New King James Version the "Holy Bible"

Sooner than we all will understand (Humanity as a Whole) who God is ...who he is and why he came to be with us to run this race and be part of this world. My Faithfulness is exponentially growing as I write this...is euphoric, spiritual, peaceful and compassionate such a deepening feeling...a bit exhilarating. A profound thought came to me to write about this...if I ain't a miracle child why would GOD himself put me here writing this at this moment? Yes am perplexed due to that answer completely baffled. Due to the fact am 1. Premature born in 6 months 2 weeks 14.78 min weighted about 2.4 lbs at 5 had my bouts of panic attacks and deep fear and paranoia the first time I encountered those feelings...then at 7 had my first hallucinations then at 10.5 yrs of age became a hyperactive child with night terrors looming around the corner at 23 became a full schizophrenic and to my friends knowledge I have bouts of multiple personality disorder and a rare dissociative disorder. Therefore, I have learn to cope with it all and still be breathing and living thanks first to GOD my Family, friends, acquaintences and the Angelic beings that watch after me.
I want to personally walk into heaven after all is said and done and stare at my Heavenly Father's Eyes and tell him "Thank You accompanied by a huge smile a great big hug and bow down before him kiss his feet and tell him how much I admire love and sincerely care for him being who he is
The end of time signs.
Qualyxian Quest Feb 2023
The Man comes around at the barber shop
Phillipians 4:13
The razor has a lithium battery
1st one in this town I've seen

I also take Lithium
Maybe I too am a razor?
I might cut you close
If you try to haze her

Kurt Cobain from Seattle
I like Come As You Are
Nirvana means Extinction
Follow that wandering star

Me at Kells in Seattle
Singing Atlantic City
Maybe Satellite Beach, Florida
Where the girls are so pretty

       SauRon Desantis is ******.
Qualyxian Quest Aug 2020
India, Jamaica, Canada
Attention now is turning

The Wheel about to spin
Fire is still burning

Twilight is true blue
My soul within me yearning

James, one for you
Phillipians you are learning

When it bubbles up
And my mind is motion churning

        Patience. Asians. Wisdom!

— The End —