i keep thinking
of the would ofs
and should ofs
of what
we would of
and should of
had,
but i know
that none of those things
would have happened
because i'm too distracted
by the illusion
of what we could of had.

                     (s.a.z)

Hold me here until I fall asleep, for I'm terrified, Oh am I terrified.
Of all the uncertainties, of the un thought ofs.
I have too much time on these idle hands and I surely wish I could shake this habit.
I'm too young to imagine what it would be like if everything around me suddenly ceased to exist.
Hello, Stranger it's been so long since I've seen your smiling face and now look at your son, look how far he hasn't come. Aren't you proud of your baby boy?
Lost in a familiar place, nothing connects in my mind.
Tell me everything will be ok and I'll still wander with my thoughts.
I'm so unsure of everything, that I'm unsure of myself
I'm so unsure of everything, that I'm unsure of myself.
And all the words I know to be true are silenced.
Break these chains that hold me. These doubts that cause me to feel so scared.
Cut these ropes that tie me down. These words in the back of my head that cause me so much grief.
Deconstruct these walls that have boarded me up in this windowless prison.
Rip apart the floors, burn the foundation, and start again. Start... again.
Inside out, outside in.
Renovate and redecorate. Throw my insecurities to the wind, for I do not need them.
How much life is gained from the needless worry I embody?

enter me thy hands of cool etherizing
that i might

                           suddenly

(a flock of intense doves)
become my skin
some curving ofs
starlight(inAmsterdamwhere

a flower left me
the rich improbable hands of the wind

I crept in late that night and was mesmerized by you. I kissed your brain through your hips that always lead to ur lips and make it springtimes forward to winter for long whiles to maybes with salt skin and ocean reefs breath. I don't wanna go but I’ve been drawn back to some anatomical physical trend that I will live my rest (ofs) with. I don't need a bankroll any longer because in this moment u can fill that void with architecture of a minds daily picture. It’s a violation I so enjoi.

if you must love her
(and you must) because
all of her is worth the non-trouble
but the most-work--

then openly confront the
child that throws fits, when
she sits in front of the house
stewing, kneel and ask--
that is all anyone ever need
do; ask.

or say nothing when she
cries in church, touch shoulders
and keep singing, a low voice
undulating with her father's

if you must love her,
and you know you must,
you have been called out
from all your temporaries
and sort-ofs, nothing ever
remotely permanent
because you must


you must.

Pookie the velvety frog
Charlie the blue tailed purple rat
The little grey mouse with pink ears
I couldn’t leave them
All alone in a separated bin
In giant second hand land
They needed me to save them
Or they may become trash
I begged Grandma- see!
Help me-help them!
Relief... thank you Grandma
They became my “best ofs”
Second hand toys
But not second hand friends

Tegar tuga tyga
Can the people of cos
Song you diya to more
You of picture cos

You of milk to yugal
Tayger olg to of mi
Global ops you can dead
Cosme ofs you can mi

Global opzis you dead
Cool mi coseng to you
Kiss mi bebe oyo
There ayel turgan yul

Thes is saya tatar
Long to mather to mi
Set you gone tu yaly
Oldinda burgany

Com you bebe alga
To yaly burga tur
Aly yaly turgan
Zamany Tamerlan

GOTUDERAT