Here's the truth:
I'm not a good writer.
And there are no words that will make this pain easier or prettier.
So here are a few more truths, minus the metaphors and alliterations and puns and other sorry excuses to romanticize the aches.

1. First, a quick question: who do you vent to when everyone you ever trusted hurts you? Why do I find myself questioning this so often?
2. A past lover told me I deserve a relationship with someone who doesn't need a conversation on how my current situation would hurt or not be okay. Regardless, I still feel like it's my fault for assuming you wanted only me.
3. I can't remember the last time I had two meals in one day. You like my ribs and collar bones and hips under your lips too much for me to risk it. I need to buy a new scale because the day before yesterday I weighed 88.6 lbs and tonight it reads 93 but that can't be because all I've eaten is a bagel and some peach yogurt and a cookie. Once again, it's probably just my thoughts weighing me down.
4. I get drunk to cope too often. I'm afraid one day I'll need help. Not because of the amount I drink, but the reasons behind all of the empty bottles.
5. I told you how afraid I was to open up again. I told you how vulnerability kept me from you for so long but I couldn't imagine any more what if's with you and I didn't think you'd ever be capable of making me feel this way so I squeezed your hand and overcame my fear.
6. Your bed started to feel like home a lot sooner than I expected it to.
7. I cried when I read what you wrote about me. I don't know how to take it. I don't know how I should feel about all of it.
8. You're different than when I first met you. I mean, I know that I have changed completely as well, but I hardly recognize you. I feel like I am getting to know a new person I've just met, which is actually sort of nice when I really think about it.
9. It took less than nine weeks.
10. I left all eight of my Harry Potter DVDs, five or so of my books, numerous ponytails and tic tac packs at your house. I'll have to get them back eventually but that will feel like a breakup and we were never together in the first place.
11. I always quote myself. I've always said "I've never been good at closing doors." This is still true. I can't cut you off. But a wise girl once proved to me that flipping the switch and cutting off emotions is a good way to keep my heart safe... When you came back into my life, I had every wall up that I could manage, but when I let one come down, I let them all down. I didn't have any protection or security. I was open. Open. Open. Open. Open and hoping not to get robbed... You either keep all of the walls up and hurt someone or let them all down and get hurt. Where's the middle? I need to find some sort of atrium.
12. I'm not good at not being a writer. Sometimes that's the best way to describe it. I couldn't think of how to word the previous truth in simpler terms or in relativity to the reality of it.
13. I told you about how my parents were addicted to pills, you saw the scars on my thighs, I fell asleep next to you and woke up still next to you. Did you realize as it was happening, how big of a deal that was for me?
14. Your justification was that you thought you meant less to me. WHAT ON EARTH MADE YOU THINK THAT

The Difference in those who are charged and graced the authority of the people and the city and states to defend the weak, protect the innocent , serve and protect and even enforce the Just laws that are n the books, with descretion  are this, Any officer that harms and abuses the power vested into them is truly a PIG yet, let this not be confused with the True Blue, The officers that truly protect and follow the very same laws that they enforce, these my Friends are L.E.O.'s and yes very much Lions of the Good and True heart.
So let us not find fault in the Good hearted men and women that are fighting the PIG's whom have not only abused and harmed the very innocent and perceived guilty and have caused grave crimes that are in measure of hell its self but they have caused the same harm on the very men and women that serve faithfully whom are LEOs and dare not think that these good LEOs and their families have not had the same crimes done unto them or their families, for surly they have some where at some time and probably worse. So remember I support the True Blue LEO's and their Families, and back them as they take down the PIG's that have ***** and pillaged the very people that bestowed the authority they abuse.

PIGs in Zen  Lyrics Below.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyxcFzVmtgg

Let's get this revolution
All my new world orderlies
Because we are the solution
To the bigger stick diplomacies
The shadow of plutocracies
Casted by the sons
Of the Titan kings inciting
The immortal chosen ones
To Prometheus igniting
From the mythic rebel guns
Of Zapata to Guevara
Bolivar in Venezuela
They provided the umbrella
To the reign of encomienda
Reconquista gunna meet ya'
In the jungle with the rumble
Of a Sandanista struggle
From the hovels of Aleppo
Diggin' rubble with a shovel
Wagin' Warsaw in the ghettoes
On the concentration Campos
Lazarettos, and the diamonds
That you smuggle to the kingdoms
Of the Leos in the Congo
But Lumumba, they remove ya'
Like guerillas in the mist if ya'
Resist em' in the system
Arab springin' into action
'Cuz the shah is a mirage
And the Contra-banded faction
Is another name for Raj
To convert the sacred hajj
Into cheaper camouflage
With didactic hypocratic
Neo-liberal art collage
To reeducate the masses
With a capital dogmatic
Lower-casing democratic
Are the over-ruling classes
Where the socialist fanatic
Anarchistic automatic
Never passes, spewin' gases
Of an open-****** fascist
But the tilting of this axis
Is the cashing-in assassin
Malcolm X'n MLK and then
Allende, Joao, and Mossadegh
The CIA, pieces in play
Objective's always Pinochet
When fair elections
Have their way
The pawns go first
The cheaters say
Game over Mr. JFK
And they don't shed
A tear for Ted
Without a bullet
To the head
Of another red dead scare
To hide the truth behind the D.A.R.E.
Grin and bare the propagand
Now it's Comey's Hoover Dam
And Putin's Agent Orange  
Is the latest Khmer stooge
On the trail of ** Chi Minh
Painting refugees in rouge
Making killing fields of stock exchange
His presidential recompense
No cents expense for Climate Change
To silence sense and dissidents
Within the firing range
Of this ****** hate crusade
Scorching Mother Earth campaign
So we gotta disengage the main
Brain drainin' inhumane
Tyrants always back again
To seal the gates and lock the cage
Vote us off the winners' stage
By droppin' bombs of martyrdoms
Crazy Horse was not insane
Brown said **** this ball and chain
With Henry Wallace all the wage
Ragin' fifty shades of Shay's
To free the press and then reclaim
Our history's white-washed front page

Well it is like this, NOT ALL LEOS are evolved. just things that seem to be acting like it, or are rogue? seems prison is a threat left for all us who suffer.
YES WE HAVE THE NAMES. AND WITNESSES ARE PLENTY RIGHT? SO, Threats Of PRISON FOR ANYTHING IS ONLY PROOF THAT THERE IS ABUSE BEING TEMPTED.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBS2tXR8mz8

searching the vast darkness for one star to grasp
grasp make it fall to me
so I might hold one  once

Instead of endlessly counting mapping,mapping
calling them names seeing things
in their patterns

Aquarians, Big dippers, lions ,Leos, Scorpios,
Scorpions their tail ready to strike,
lighting the black with
figurines.

Figuring, that there is a pattern in all this meaningless,
meaning contrasts, revealing patterns, I
I only, see. That,
I I need to catch one.

Put it in my jar of hope, like I did with fireflies,
all those years ago and many dark skies,
skies, I scattered to and fro,
naming,

them. as they tried
tried to escape my
insanity.

Reprimanded cityscapes
Land fated in concrete slates
Date with disaster
A trait of nuerosis. Faster and complusive
Make moves on asphalt, elusive
Straight abusive of late
Centuries to make lenses of fate
Baited humanity
Takes debates of philosophies, psychologies to heart
Makes them fate
Mythologies and anthologies
Satiate the reasin we procreate
To recreate humanity in gods vision as we see today
Irregularities and tragic parodys parry us back to where we began. A ferry from the lqnd of eden. An apple eaten
Adam and Eve forbidden, corrosive and up for biddin'
poison inlayed in veins
You aint kiddin when you say youll eat my brain.
Sin and evil slain, i run back and forth in place between the yin and yang

You aint lyin when you say your insane. I love it baby
its just change not sense
In inflamed with your scent
Smell it everywhere i go
Youre millions to cents
Like a fairy lullaby or maybe Khoas
You shake, maybe we could lay in intamacy for infinity
A love song this became
Cadence inlayed in the movement of streets that seperate us. In sheets that penetrate us.
Imperative lust, imperfect trust
Who are you? a cusp between picses and aries? do you carry all that i felt and shared. Take care but hear in my lair, defeated lain upon slated heroes shared upon plated zeroes
Old ideas pirroueted like leos on a dance stage. Im a leo on this stage but you lay in my bed not sure if all i felt and shared is truly cared for.

Once many years ago
I was the troubled teen
I fought abusive family
I fought police
I hated life
I just want to die
I had no plans for my future

I spent time in jail
I was on probation
My mental status was iffy
I never took my meds
I smoked ***

I'm not afraid to admit
I was ****** up
I drank to excess.
I tried to die
I'd cut my skin
Just to feel again

Then one day i got a job
I enjoyed caring for the elderly
I helped her with housework
Took her shopping and the likes
I found a guy that loved everything about me
Including the crazy.

I started my meds
Got better with time
Got licensed to carry
Became a security officer

I started liking LEOs
I wanted to be one.
I wanted to change the world.
I still plan to change the world.

I'm in school
Training to be an EMT
Going to the gym
Getting in shape
to get into the police academy.

I will change my world!

I am a lone Lion.
Running through the Pride Lands
Although my heart is big and quite brave
Lionesses seem to treat me like a loon with
a hospital band.
My age might be of middle measurement
I am still young
Yet the jungle treats me as if I'm of Antique Procurement
An old dusty relic as released from the museum
Darkness such as energy clung
to the muscles of the huge beating heart


Other lions fail to notice the sound of my heart's beating
They exclude me from their pride as I am "Stranger"
A wandering Threat

A hateful movement
I pass by and I vent
Access energy to refresh my enlightened soul
From the judged
who deserves no warm greeting
Through all of this
I remain strong and I run
I forgive and I understand
I shot out of the Roar
A sound to welcome those truly heartened and  open eyes
Glancing to see my stronger and more impressive form
to see the real me. Who offers rewards
Friendship,love, Undying Partnership and loyalty.
Real treasures.
For this Leo offers more..

The king of his life and of his craft
A Lion King
Who never stays defeated and down he stays and lies..
Wade was deep in the grasses.
As he lies there lost in pity
his life and self at a stand still.

Racing past those Prides who cut him out
He starts on his own
A new pride.
Their  members let Roars Sign Happy and Strong Energy
Which shine out
Out

The life-blood of the largehearted  Leos and the Lionesses
Those who refuse to stoop low, believe in the ignorant, or ever
from the heat and tribulations of the  jungle..
They hold their heads up and they  never hide.
They banded together
To care for one another
and forget the other sickness of the lazy and heartless entitled ones.

Their kindred-ship and family shall last for eternity
Unable to be measured
Past the other end.
For these beautiful creatures
Are the Bright and Legendary Ones

Their legends shall be forever implanted in the jungle
As the true royalty that defeats all darkness
The battle for all kind creatures forgotten and neglected...
For them...those battles they helped fight and have always won.





equal to the other monarchs
cast out do to younger trends
Temporary Collections of Faces
Who shall fade to nothing
Once their time and age is past the clock
Measuring the alarm to sound off their limit
to be cast asside and remain "part of the scenery"
enter them into their own museum

working animal day promoted by charity SPANA 16.06.18

thank you for introduction
even if peace was minute
every article i read even those on reduction
rhyming with leos paper i salute.
onto the matter
the news was no spa
not 30 mins but over 30 years will flatter
stalking poetry is never to far.
out of 10 is no score
finding it hard to stride
shame on those four
for not doing a mile with  pride.
highlighted the charity
into poetry will throw a spanner
to make clear and give clarity
to deliver i will start stalking to spana.
done the good deed
to understand you don't have to walk
in highgate its not a read
stalking poetry can now off folk.