I'm sorry, really.
I hadn't meant to bother you by
Messaging you everyday for a week,
Each following one more frantic than the last,
Because you wouldn't respond.
I was scared.
Really, really scared.
Scared that you had done something to yourself...
Scared that, maybe, you
Stayed in bed too long
Cut too deep
Went too many days without eating
Too many days skipping your meds-
Or maybe, took all your skipped pills all at once---
It's irrational, I know.
I'm sorry.
...
I remember, I've done this before,
I was... 10, it was 2020.
I remember, my best friend, Kaydence, wouldn't respond to my texts
for a month.
We had fought,
It was some stupid Minecraft game.
And then, she just
Stopped texting
Back.
I was lonely, it was quarantine after all, and I didn't have no one else to talk to.
I texted her every single day
Cried every single day.
I was being dramatic, obviously,
I'm always so **** dramatic.
When she came back, she acted like nothing had happened.
Her mom had just taken away her phone, or something.
I didn't have to worry.
...I think that month I spent, alone,
Thats when it had started to get bad.
...
When you did respond,
you told me that you were sorry.
That you were
alive.
I think you understood where my worry came from.
I asked you where you had been,
and you said that you were just doing school and sleeping.
It was another depressive episode.
Oh, well.
I feel bad to feel relieved,
But
It could've been worse.
You could've
Cut too deep
Or stayed in bed
Or skipped your meds
Or taken too many...
You could've
Left me.
I said sorry for being such a bother,
Said that "I hope you feel better."
And even though thats not quite right thing to say,
But I think that's the closest I could've gotten.
Love you man
