Got the call before noon.
I can't believe this news.
Jerry, you're gone.
I can't believe this news.
My nephews and sister left all alone.
I can't believe this news.
I can't process.
I can't.
How could this happen?
It is too soon for God to need you.
My sister needs you.
Johann needs you.
Jaben needs you.
I'm so sad.
You're gone.
This has to be a joke.
What a cruel cruel joke.
I need time to process.
I need this to sink in.
I need. I need.

I never understood until now
What it was like to be with someone
Everyone would ask me advice
I’d tell them
I have the outsider’s perspective on relationships
I give them advice anyways
Then they ask how I never had a partner
I say a quote
“I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess.”
I had it though
However messed up he was
He was still my first

Even he asked me
How have you never been in a relationship
You are too **** cute
You are too **** ****
You are too **** everything for you to be single
I told him people only see me as a nerd
People don’t see me as me
He said he saw me
Then he broke up with me
He became a surface watcher
Only seeing me as a nerd

I never understood until now
What it’s like to be broken up with
To have your heart shattered
To have your ex best friend
Become his new “*** toy”
She told me everything
Every reason not to be with him
She told me that she was happy
That she didn’t want to leave a man who loved her
He was head over heels in love with her
She eviscerated him
Now he’s a shell of his former self

I never understood until now
The pain of your friend betraying you
As she betrayed me

Now my Ex-Boyfriend,
I will reveal his name
It was Jaben
But now,
It is *****, ****, ******* ,
Dates my Ex-Best Friend,
I’ll reveal her’s as well
It was Anna
It is now *****,
My ex boyfriend is now dating
His ex boyfriend’s ex friend
My ex boyfriend is now dating
His ex friend’s ex girlfriend
They broke up a group to be together
They broke up the group
Something Jaben tried to pin in Karol

We enforced a single rule
No dating friends
We enforced it for the wrong person
We now see
Jaben is trying to **** all his friends
One by one destroying bonds
One by one cutting them out
One by one treating them like dirt

In the past 30 days
He has broken up with four people
All of them got cut out
Two crawled their way back
One because he had the ****
The other because she confronted him
Two are still cut out

I gave Anna a reputation
I told Elizabeth about all of this
She spread it like fire through a field

I never understood until now
How good it felt to be this petty
Only to those who deserve it

Anna says I spread lies
Rumors about her cheating
I never did
I told people the truth
I told them how Jaben broke up with me
Two days later Anna broke up with Damon
Three days later
I get a text
Do you mind if we start dating?

He said he rushed into things with me
A week had passed between Anthony
And when I confessed how I felt
Another two days of decision
Then he said he rushed into things
We had been broken up for four days
Then they started dating
That sounds like rushing to me

Everyone agrees they’re gross
I was on the bus
Describing the situation to a friend
A random person
Stands and completely sympathetic says
“Your ex boyfriend sounds like a real *******
You should cut him out”
Total strangers understand
But not you

Hope you enjoy your
STD infected
**
*******
Cheating
Boy toy
Just make sure that his condoms didn’t expire
Like the one he threw at me had

Hope you enjoy your
Evil
Rude
*****
*****
*** toy
Just make sure she doesn’t get bored
Like she did with everyone else

I never understood until now
What it was like to be used
He used me as a ******,
As if he used any,
Waiting for me to give him what he wanted
Then tossing me aside

I never understood until now
The pain that some people endure

I just told her
We were standing in the kitchen
Light shining through the big window in the living room
Boxes still piled on our table from the move
She just stood there, stirring the mac n cheese

“When did... when did you know?”
The question I expected
But I still didn’t have an answer
“I just knew”
My voice quivered as she turned to face me
My sister’s kind eyes growing softer
“How... has anything happened?”
I told her everything
About Kiera, Jaben, Anna
I told her about things I had never said aloud

When I finished talking she stood silently
“Who else knows?”
“Nobody”
She poured the pasta into bowls
Dug out utensils from the cluttered kitchen drawer and started eating
We moved on
The room silent, save for the light clinking of spoons on ceramic

“Did I tell you about who I’m dating?”
She asked, grasping for something to talk about
“No, you didn’t”
And we went on
Like I had never said anything at all