Thinking. And thinking.
It's always about a number of things,
My mind never likes only one topic
Mostly because I get bored easy.

And I think, I'm not interested in boys.
I'm interested in men.
Not this annoying, ball-less ******* that hasn't learned a thing.
Maybe that's why I'm forever in love with Tom Hiddleston.

And I think, my body is wierd.
Made of broken pieces,
Glued together by angel spit.
(I guess it's been battered, as my bones are falling apart as we speak.)

And I think, I'm done with friendship.
All it seems to do is bring me woe.
You all are now acquaintances,
Far enough away that you can't shoot me.

And I finally think, I'm happy.
Even with the **** scars and broken heart,
I like the words I speak and how they power through a room.
I love each morning, a new oppurtunity for adventure.

i think about the girls
in my class;
the one we have
an inside joke with,
tho we have nothing
else in common;
the one who plucks
my eyebrows
and asks me for
advice and
help with homework;
the one who thinks
i'm a nice person;
the one to whom
no one else is nice;
the one who likes
to hug me all the time
and calls me a friend;
the one who adores
chanel and likes
to talk to me
sometimes and sits
next to me in chem class;
the one i used to be friends
with but we fell out
though we still talk sometimes.
i think about
the other girls
from the golden five;
the two who are
inseparable and
nice to me and
understand me somehow;
the one who
shares my fandoms
and i can vaguely call
an actual friend;
the one i grew up
with who drools
over tom hiddleston
and sherlock and
books with me.
i think about
my literature teacher
who told me
she loves me
and about my
english teacher
who hugs me when
she's proud of me.
i think about
all the other teachers
who call me
exceptional.
i think about
the boy who used
to be my best friend
for two years
but we drifted apart
and yet he'd still
call me if he needed someone.
ithink about
the girl i stalk and
whom i send sweet messages to.
i think about
T. whom i love dearly
and V. whom i love dearly
and N. whom i love dearly
and M. whom i love dearly.
i think about my
sun and stars
who breathes for me,
my knight,
my heart.
i think about
the boy i love
and how even though
he said goodbye
he's "not indifferent"
(and about a promise
i made),
and about his mother
who adores me.

i think about my
mother who loves me the most
about my father
who calls me
princess
about my brother
who pulls my hair.
about my grandparents
and aunt and cousin,
about my mother's
best friends.

and then
i ask myself
"if all these people
are going to cry
if i happen to die,
if all these people
will lose sleep
and scream into
their pillows at night
and ask themselves why,
what does it matter
that i
don't
love
myself?"

Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I miss the way you and I used to
Dance like we were
Tom Hiddleston & Tilda Swinton
In Only Lovers Left Alive
You made me feel alive
Like a bright red vinyl record
You had me spinning
Like a carousel
I’m feeling ambitious
Would you like to dance?
One last time
For old times’ sake
Our movements
An explosion, an expression
A supernova
Of Love

Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I miss the way you and I used to
Talk about the most interesting things
The way Kenneth Branagh talks about Hamlet
Passionate and Adventurous
And I hate Shakespeare, but I’d recite every line
So that you never lose that passion
I’m feeling ambitious
Would you like to go watch Keegan Michael Key play Horatio?
Opposite Oscar Isaac.
I’ll be confused, but I’ll try to understand it all
To see that smile reach your eyes

Lover!
I hold onto the promise
That lingered on your lips
That even if we don’t make it
You will Always love me
Lover!

I’ve missed you
I’ve fought my demons
And through the frustration
Through the anguish
I found my balance

Lover! I will always love you