For the days when your ego slaps itself as if it’s playing hambone,
remember: there’s a name for the smell of rain on pavement.

And every photograph is like Stockholm Syndrome,
where subjects fall in love with their captors.
You are no victim. That’s why I still don’t know whether you’re photogenic.
All I ask is that you keep photographing my self-portraits,
so that I may love you through the way I view myself.

Because my ego is more like that potato clock from the science fair:
surprisingly electric, yet full of holes. My skin is pierced with nails,
but I am no Christ. It’s just my job to keep time.

That’s why first place goes to the skateboarding rat.
The judges don’t like me because I don’t believe in gimmicks.
But when you look at me--alligator clips and all--
your eyes become blue ribbons, letting me know
that I have won and you intend to claim your prize.

“Let’s take a photo,” I say.
You say no, that taking pictures will make us like everyone else.
I ask why it matters if we know we’re not.
You look down at the newspaper. In my mind, I say your name.
And when you look up from the politics section,
I snap a photo for good measure.

This plan seems completely doable until I realize
I’ve never called you by your name.
You call me by mine, and attach it to sayings like
“No one will ever bring half a smile to my face like you do”
or “Hi” or  “How are you?” or “I love you.”

Is this because there’s only me or because
there’ve been others besides me?

If I were to succeed in capturing you,
I imagine you’d have red eyes in the photo.
Red ribbons to let me know I’ll never top second place,
that there are other girls you’ve been inside of,
but you are my only. No contest.

And yet you ask if I’ve awarded any other blue ribbons.
You don’t believe me when I say, “No.”

I know you asked as a way to boost your ego,
but for the days when your ego slaps itself as if it’s playing hambone,
remember: there’s a name for the smell of rain on pavement,

and that your wish to feel special should never be at my expense.

Hambone, slam bone
Kick them in the nuts.
Smack them, sack them
No ifs ands or buts.
Tap them, zap them
Punch them in the snouts
Jounce them, bounce them
Throw the ******* out.

Some of what we’re suffering
Has gone on for a century.
Some of it is politics
Most of it’s chicanery.
Some of it is current stuff
Aided by the internet
And some of it is old news
We just haven’t heard it yet.

Hambone, slam bone
Kick them in the nuts.
Smack them, sack them
No ifs ands or buts.
Sic them, nick them
Stick them with the bill.
Beat them, cheat them
Set up for the ****.

It’s a game of who screws who
And who does not get caught.
It has to do with bribery
And which guy can be bought.
They set it up so no one wins
Unless they play the game
And when the public catches wise
They change some of the names.

Tap them, zap them
Punch them in the snouts
Jounce them, bounce them
Throw the ******* out.
Snip them, whip them
Treat them all like dogs.
Crunch them, punch them
Throw them to the hogs.

They depend on all of us
To be lazy to the bone
And when it comes to statesmanship
To leave them all alone
And not make them live up to
What they were elected for.
The blame is on our backs again
If we choose to ignore.

Hambone, slam bone
Kick them in the nuts.
Smack them, sack them
No ifs ands or buts.
Tap them, zap them
Punch them in the snouts
Jounce them, bounce them
Throw the ******* out.

Hambone loved the highway.
He was a big rig driver by night and day.
He loved to hear those big wheels rolling.
While riding down the highway grinning and smiling.

Hambone fell asleep at the steering wheel one night.
He thought that he was in heaven when he next saw light.
But God had other plans.
There were more roads to travel for this lucky man.

Aine, Xav and Ga, their dog,
Were hiking through the Sifton Bog
On Sunday morning, sunny and warming,
Hunting for their Easter eggs;                                                    
When Ga sniffed, then barked in a hollow log. 
What is it, Ga? Aine asked in wonder
Is it a frog? Xav asked Pumper.

But Ga smiled and left to lift a leg.

So Aine peeked in one end,
Xav peered in the other.
It was hollow, that's for sure,
They waved to one another.

Oh!... But Oh!... something moved inside.
Brown and hairy, with flaming red eyes.
It moved at Xav, who stepped back, then cried:

Aine, come here! Come here NOW!

Quick as a flash she stood by his side.

(Together they would live or die.)

With twelve powerful legs and six beady eyes,
It leapt at them, then hopped outside.
There cuddling ‘n twitching at Xavi's feet,
Were three wee bunnies, cute as can be.                              

Ooooo, Ooooo, they both sighed.
Can we take them home to feed and keep,
And play bunny games till we fall  asleep!
Xavi asked. No. Xavi begged!

Hmmm, thought Aine, quite perplexed;
But then remembered what her parents said:

Be cautious with our furry friends;
The birds, fish and earthy crawlers;
When you find them,
Be careful-kind,
And they'll be with us always.

Still,  Xavi worried, so he asked his Sis,

Are they okay if left like this?

Hmmm, thought Aine (who's getting real good at this).
Let's call Granda.
Tell him what we've seen.
Mom says he knows everything.

(They Zoom Time on Mom & Dad’s phones)

Hello, Granda, this is Aine.
Xav and I have a question for ya.
We came across some wee bunnies
Huddled in their home.
Are they okay if left alone?

Granda heard their concern,
So he told them all he had learned.

All the bunnies I have known,
Have done real well when they have grown.
I knew Buggs as a wee bunny,
And he grew up to marry Honey.

Rabbit's a friend to Kanga and Roo,
And Mr. Rabbit got carrots tricking Cap’n Kangaroo.

Miffy was Kathleen’s first rabbit friend;
Mark loved Velveteen’s happy end?

And Roger starred in his own movie,
Like me, your Granda, he's so cool and groovy.

Thumper keeps thumping his left hind foot,
And Br'er Rabbit’s still naughty in all his books.

The White Rabbit leads Alice down a hole,
Where March Hare’s late... as usual.
                      
If you like heroes found in comics,
Read Captain Carrot, he’s supersonic.
I can't forget Crusader Rabbit,
He rides a horse and feeds it carrots.    

I’m sure you've heard of Beatrix Potter’s
Tales of Peter, and his sisters and brothers.

All these rabbits were once wild bunnies,
Now in movies, books and funnies.

Why, even magicians pull rabbits out of hats.

Your three wee kittens were left alone
While Mummy Bunny left on her own
To gather food bits to feed her wee kits
Waiting for her safe return.
                    
I surely hope I’ve allayed all your fears,
Don't worry, your bunnies are here for years.

But there's one more bunny I should address,
And I'll tell you who so you needn't guess
This bunny's the one we might like best:

It's the Easter Bunny, au chocolat!!

Xav and Aine were much relieved
To let their bunnies
Live wild and free.

Thank you, Granda.
Hope to see you soon.
Happy Easter, and too-da-loo.

And off they hopped for some Easter treats,                    

Pumper got his treat back home.
Leftover from dinner-
A tofu hambone.

I dont remember the first time we spoke,
or the last but I remember all the times in between,
I remember my birthday in Pre K when you came to visit me for lunch because my mother couldnt,
I remember when you first taught me the "hambone song" and every easter egg hunt, every ripped open christmas gift, I remember every picture on the walls and the smell of your cologne,
I remember the first time I heard you had cancer,
I didnt know what it meant,
but I cried,
I cried because I also remembered my moms best friend being the first death I wtinessed because of whatever cancer was,
I remembered her skinny body getting thinner and thinner as the cancer weathered her away and I remember my mom crying at the funeral but I was too confused and scared to cry,
now hearing that this disease was inside the only respectable male figure in my life at the time was terrifying,
then I remember learning it was only in your finger and they simply removed it and that was that, I wasnt sure why it didnt work that way with Darlene.
I remember all the jokes you used to make and how everyone had a nickname,
I remember how you made the best breakfast anywhere ever,
I remember your cataract surgery, I remember every hopsital visit I was present for and i remember the pain you went through when your wife of 55 years died of a heart attack, the wife you fed cleaned and clothed because her mental capacity had been severly hindered by annurisms and strokes past, and who you loved till the very end.
I remember that funeral making more sense and the whole death thing being alot easier to grasp,
I cried at that one.
I remember the second time I heard you had cancer,
in the same finger,
and they removed it the same way.
I remember you driving an hour from new orleans just to bring us satsumas and make my mom laugh,
I remember the third time they said you had cancer and it was something worse,
in your lungs,
and it was some monster with a name I was familiar with from tv,
mesothelioma, I remember them saying you had no more than 6 months to live and I was only a freshman then with no respect for authority and no understanding of the importance of appreciating your time with people,
I remember the law suits,
I remember you paying off our house,
and our land note,
and I remember you being so sick at one point you couldnt leave your bed,
there was liquid pooling in your lungs and weighing them down on your spina nd I can only imagine that feels like having glass shoved throgh your back from the inside out,
you layed and bore it for days with the pain medication,
you took so much you couldnt really function, just to avoid the pain, and it want really working..
I remember my aunt walking in on you trying to load your revolver and having to wrestle it from your hands,
my aunt told me in tears that you asked her to let you **** yourself,
I remember you getting better when they put some talc in your lungs to absorb the liquid,
and you got better.
well for a couple months,
and things seemed to be looking up,
but then it came back in full force,
and I guess at this point you deserved the rest,
i remember looking at your body in the casket and thinking
"this is the last time ill see you?  thats not fair"
I remember looking around the room at family and friends I had never met and thinking of all the people you were leaving behind and sobbing because it was not ******* fair,
I remember your mother having to bury you in her 99th year on earth,
I remember your casket being closed and the poems my cousins read but I was too shy to write,
I remember riding in the limo on the way to bury you and how we all joked to keep our mind off it,
and I remember wanting to ***** as my stomach twisted watching your coffin be placed into your grave next to the wife you married as a ahandsome young man with your whole life ahead of you,
I thought in that moment if you knew all the lives youd effect or create,
I just wanted to say thankyou because I never did and now I couldnt ever.
like I said I dont remember the first time or last time we spoke but I remember everything in between and not even death can take those memories from me I will drag them to the bottom of hell with me if I have to.

Rancorous Ole Bullfrog , snoring on a paddy , clear your pipes and carry that voice across the quiet marshland , low country valley .. Start the dandy evening opus with low bass tones , croak a silly song with that golden throat trombone , find a whippoorwill and lay down a duet you 'Old Hambone'*!

The life of Robert Guillaume
A Butler with distinction
A man who turned sophistication into laughter
Dinner is served in the Main Dining Room
But if you didn’t move you would probably be told to eat before you come
Snaps upon snaps being Robert Guillaume
Where did that all come from why it was ‘BENSON” the TV Comedy series?
The show aired on ABC-TV
It lasted for Seven Years from 1979-1986
But besides Benson, Robert Guillaume also did several skits of other television shows such as playing a Homeless Man named “HAMBONE” on “GOOD TIMES” Family Comedy TV Series
It aired on CBS
Robert Guillaume was gifted in talent gaining proclaim in acting experience
A man who lived to be 89 Years Old
But it is Heaven establishing a behold
Robert Guillaume is his own story ever told
He is now free
Heaven is his spotlight
A musical song in my mine comes to mine “HEAVEN I YOND”
I knew Heaven is where I belong
Robert Guillaume saw and accomplished
Thanks for the elegance in guiding us TV fans within the Mansion
Your name having honor in the mention
Sleep well
Your Acting experience we all can tell
You brought inspiration that was swell
But you lived your life in an upbeat note
We don’t even have to cast a vote
But part of you was no joke
Your life in which you never gave up
But Heaven knew it was time for you to be lifted up
This is not an end, but inspiration you left us in letting hope begin.