My mind wanders,
As my body longs to stay put,
To sleep,
Load the batteries up

My depression stops by to say hi,
Remind me of everything hard,
Tells me I'm not good enough,
That nothing matters,
Or make sense anyway

As I try to close my eyes,
Forget the pain,
And break through the chain,
I'm chained so hard that I can't get through...

I can't breathe properly,
I can't close my eyes,
I can't relax,
I can't smile

All I can is cry,
Feel hopeless,
Scared,
Worthless,
Alone,
Dead.

"What's the point?" goes on repeat in my head,
I try to make it stop
But it won't shut up,
It won't leave me alone.

It makes me wonder how you know,
How you can,
And why you always want to bring me down.
You come to me in my weakest moment,
When I can't escape,
When there's nowhere to hide,
Noone to hug,
Noone to confide in.

Why do these moments never stop?
Why will it continue in an evergoing everlasting loop?

You tell me there is so much to live for,
As I try to see it,
Try to break free,
The chain holds me captive in my own negativity,
It feeds me just more and more,
Till everything I see, feel and hear is darkness,
Everything I breathe is poison, everything I eat is death and everything I drink is blood.

Only love can save me now,
But then again, what is really love?
What is love? Real love?
How do you know?
"If you know, you know" they say
But is it for everyone?

These are the nights that ****** my being,
The nights that make me lose all hope I ever collected,
The nights that make me lose my will to survive,
The nights that **** me.

I have had better nights and probably will,
If not these nights take over,
Then I don't know if I'll be able to see the light
that awaits in the other end,
Because when all you feel, see, hear is darkness, how can you imagine to feel, see, hear the light?
And how can you be able to wait when your current state is unbearable?

Tonight I just can't sleep,
I can't shut off and dream,
I can just lay awake and feed on misery,
Just one of those nights...
Those nights that are all dark,
not just because the sun is gone,
But hope and all life too.

I need someone to come save me from the darkness.

I'm lost again.
Followed by that ghoul they call the soul,
I'm haunted by its dreams and nightmares,
and daunted by its solemn silence.
where is my reliance ?,
soon dawns the time for giving up the ghost.

Oh the evergoing cognitive dissonance of wanting to die but also wanting to live out your dreams.
if only this heaven they speak of was within walking distance,
i'm dying to go for a day or two.

Ahh la vie, ahh la vie,
why do you do this to me ?
i wanted to be free not lost in thee.
C'est la vie,
c'est la vie is all i say to me.

Oh sweet poetry syndrome,
such sweet sickness that you are,
but such weak dreamer tendencies these are.

Forever fluctuating, forever fluctuating...

in time i realize that there is no end to this abysmal void, so if i continue i will only continue into a
deep
dark
hollow
nothing.
and that's exactly what i fear the most,
nothing.

is cracked and beaten
by blistering heat and blistered feet
the Road
is long and heavy
ridges eroded by sweat and tear

the Road is the arizona sun
Parched and pale
Heat resonating over the evergoing stretches of black
ash and stone

the Road
has taken its toll on me
my tired eyes and burnt lips
utter prayer to thee
the Road
asks,
takes,
wants…
all

and gives only more Road
in return

the Road is twisted,
barren and broken,
eroded by the stream of flesh and bone
and the dust will kick up
and the winds will shatter the sand around you
and you’ll tuck down your skull

wondering
Why do I ride the Road?

Then and then only
In that flicker of time
between question and answer
the Road will ask.
it will whisper for your soul
do not give it.
do not cede.
give everything else
but not that.

If you do this,
Then only will you quench your thirst
and have the epiphany
To look back upon the years rode
and wander into wonder
of the many lessons learned.