I could chew my way
through all the armless hugs,
through all the silences,
but an infestation of truth
tore away the mask
which allowed me to pursue
such a mindless task,
and now I can no longer
act so automatic,
no longer just a passenger
in my own mind,
I'm either indifferent or dramatic.
And now the entrace is closed
for what I detest,
you're a part of me and
I hope you don't mind,
but darling, your knives
were always the hardest to digest.

i wanted to write something
to find, to explain mysef.
i wanted not just to find the way
out of this labyrinth of suffering,
i wanted to make myself
look up at the beautiful sky
and enjoy the birds' songs
and the wind's voice straying
in this labyrinth next to me,
whenever i am stuck between
its tall and secure walls.

i was afraid of emptiness
and fullfilness, so i just lived.
there wasn't just day or night,
there were grey abstract times
when rational points disappeared.
in those moments some burried
their hearts in the shimmering ground
but got somehow again to the entrace.

this crazy labyrinth is the map
of my soul, the map of a ghost city,
still i don't want it to fade away
because these walls, this sky, this ground
are the only things that i have,
that are truly mine.