I am a mouse in a sea of cats
A red fish in a blue school
I know not what to do
So I decide, having read the writing
Etched upon the wall, I decide
I shall be like Despereaux!
Let out a defiant squeakl
Lift my pokey-pen sword
And charge forth!
I shall be Jack the Giant Slayer
Destroy my fears, speak brazenly
As I run off, leaving this
Phrase etched into the wall,
Waiting for the next timid mouse to read;
Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero
(Pluck the day and put no trust in the future)

three
i admire daddy for shooting a big buck. i name the deer "sparky."

four
my favorite part about school is learning to read books all by myself.

six
i don't let mama pick out my clothes anymore. my favorite outfit is purple sweatpants with a red sweater.

seven
i got detention for spitting on a boy. i cried for weeks.

ten*
my best friend in the world moved an hour away. at least i still have harry potter and despereaux to keep me company.

eleven
the boy who plays the lead in the musical is the cutest boy i've ever seen.

twelve
the boy who played the lead in the musical likes me back.

thirteen
i catch myself staring absently at walls often. i'm disgusted with my body. i haven't eaten in days. my chest always aches. i've lost most of my friends because they've grown annoyed with how much time i spend with a boy. i'm never happy unless i'm with him. he's my whole world.

fourteen
the boy who played the lead in the musical shattered me. i don't want to be alive. i keep leaning over the toilet trying to get rid of what's eating me from the inside out, but nothing ever comes up. he promises we will always be friends. i stay up late screaming every night.

fifteen
a boy pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. he's dated tons of girls, but he thinks i'm different. he likes to read and listen to music. he says i'm the best kisser. he distracts me from the pain, and i'm constantly afraid he's going to leave me without ever speaking a word to me again. i'm so afraid, i stop focusing in class. the boy who played the lead in the musical hasn't talked to me since he walked me to the school counselor a year ago.

sixteen
my big group of friends and i go to dinner at applebee's. i just got my driver's license and a black 1999 oldsmobile alero. i have a few people i can go to if i can't do it alone. i can pull myself back after a relapse. i don't depend my life on anyone but myself. i might just be a bit numb, but things haven't been this great in a long time.